Finding it hard not to be angry and bitter today

[Leighhalfpennysthigh]

This is a rant. There is no solution, I just need to vent on here or else I may well vent elsewhere.

I have no children and no husband. I do have an elderly, but mostly well and active father and a mother in law who is terminally ill - but not imminent. She could live a year, she could live 6 months. It's just the nature of the beast.

I also have a business that I work very hard to maintain, especially at the moment when I'm juggling nursing my mother in law. My business involves working with professional/semi professional sports people and so we are booked in for some sports matches over Christmas and New Year. Normally I'd take the burden if most of these, as it's my business. However, this year I can't because I have a lot of my mother in law's, and by virtue of that, my late husband's family coming over from the Caribbean to stay with us. I'm thrilled about this and can't wait to see them, that's not a problem. The problem is that my staff - who I've rarely asked to do anything they didn't want to do - are refusing to cover some of the matches because they want to be home with their children. I actually had one day to me today that me leaving my mother in law (did I mention she's terminally fucking ill and needs nursing) is less important than her leaving her children with their fucking father for one day. It is the lack of empathy that got to me. I think I'm a pretty fair employer. I don't expect parents to work the tours unless they want to, I let them work as flexible as possible and take time out for appts, assemblies etc. All I wanted was this year for some compassion and understanding in return and for a few people to take on the Christmas work that I normall do myself.

I'm so angry. It's like my life is worth less.

OP. Im so sorry for your troubles. Great that your partner has sacked the vile individual.
Have a good Christmas knowing you are the honourable one .

&the apology was more a reaction to the written warning than anything more sincere*

Yes, I wondered that as well, but there's been enough disruption and I can't cover another member of staff leaving right now! She's been pretty good, but is new and young....however, she made it clear at interview that she wanted this job as it was more family friendly than her previous one and her partner is around weekends and evenings and bank holidays so has childcare sorted.

I am concerned that the one we fired will try and do something. We are paying her up to today and she has some leave that she hadn't taken and will be reimbursed for as well. She's worked for me for nearly four years. We do have an HR advisor, but obviously didn't have a chance to consult with him before she was fired as we didn't know we were going to fire her.

@chloe84 I’m very welcome here but I’m I doubted you are.
I can not control auto correct

Lots of love ❤️❤️💋

I see I missed the "why are people without children on here" poster. So, just in case you are still reading....I joined for the infertility board when I was going through IVF (under a different username) and stayed because I enjoy it. I also work with young people and my husband was a primary school teacher. I tend to stay away from commenting on parenting bits, but do read them because it helps me understand and sometimes I do put the case for the non parents - like on threads about friendship groups.

I think the key op is to document everything. I would also write to her and reiterate she has been fired for gross misconduct due to her refusing to complete hours as contractually obliged and due to her unprofessional conduct at work.

I think a carrot approach at work is the best but sometimes people do need to see that you will fire them if needed too. Your a business not a charity.

@leighhalfpennysthigh oh I see. Ok fair enough, no worries. Hope your troubles are sorted out soon.

@Angiemum24

I’m very welcome here but I’m I doubted you are.

Not on this thread you're not, based on what you said.

And it's 'I doubt you are' not 'I'm I doubted you are'. Don't blame shit grammar on autocorrect.

@Angiemum24 don't think your presence is needed here on this thread, thanks all the same

@Leighhalfpennysthigh as an employer I can only admire how you've dealt with all this and huzzah for your business partner. I wish I had one!

Fingers crossed you & your MIL have lovely Christmas together 

@Angiemum24 be a dear and do 'pop off' somewhere more suited. I believe Netmums might be the way forward for you......

Thank you @Angiemum24.

I'm glad you managed to get the cover arranged but would stress to link in with your HR officer and make sure you're fully covered. Your (now ex) employee sounds like a nasty piece of work.

Perhaps Angiemum24 is new to the site and hasn't yet realised that it's open to everyone and no-one should be made to justify their reason for joining.

It's shocking how someone that has worked for you for 4 years could be so heartless! As she does have that level of service, she does have some protection so to ensure she doesn't get a penny more than she has to please get in touch with your HR advisor asap and get a kick ass (preferably reviewed / written by an employment lawyer) dismissal letter sent out to her first thing in the morning.

@Feefeetrixabelle thank you. I don't know whether I'm proud, or ashamed to say that I've never been in this situation before!

@leighhalfpennythigh are you not entitled to and respite care or does your mother in law have contact with the local hospice?

Oh dear someone, I wonder who 🤔, was a bit sensitive about what I said. Never mind. It was worth it.

oh I see. Ok fair enough, no worries so happy you approve. 😒

Leighhalfpennysthigh your mil is lucky to have you. I adored my wee mil too and although my late husband had a big family, I was honoured to be able to help her near the end.

@leighhalfpennythigh are you not entitled to and respite care or does your mother in law have contact with the local hospice

I have bought in care for her and the rest of the time my dad and I do it between us. At the moment she doesn't need any major EOL care as she's terminal, but it's nit imminent- more like 6-12 months left rather than weeks. Our local hospice doesn't have the capacity to deal with anything but the last couple of weeks. My mother in law is still struggling with the diagnosis to be honest so we're all playing it by ear a bit.

@PositivelyPERF thank you. They aren't all bad!! I do read some of the MIL threads on here and think "thank fuck I've got the one I've got".

.

@leighhalfpennythigh bless you I’ve been there myself. If was in the contact for them to work then they should. You’re better off without them. dx

Hello lovely.
I’m not a feminist or protestor of women’s rights or raving lunatic but as working women and mums they hold a certain level of responsibility to all women who, children or no children, should be offered the same jobs and pay as their male peers. We cannot have equality in pay or promotion, advancement in careers etc if there are women who use the very fact they have children to get out of doing their fucking job! No wonder employers (women included) would often prefer (but not admit) to hire men who don’t wave their being a parent over people’s heads expecting a bit of lenience, a pat on the back, a pay rise and company car.
I wish you the best during this painful and draining time with MIL, cherish the help and time you are able to offer, you seem to be a kind and fair enough person, time to get a little firmer maybe. Xx

So glad to hear a positive outcome.
And that your business manager has your back. :)

I hope you are able to have a good Christmas break and that the time with your mil and extended family is a great blessing.

Some people are really thick. They are putting themselves at the top of the redundancy list if the business ever takes a down turn. Bitter childless comment should merit some kind of warning as that was vile.

for you Leighhalfpennysthigh I’m so glad your partner sacked that horrible woman,