Finding it hard not to be angry and bitter today

[Leighhalfpennysthigh]

This is a rant. There is no solution, I just need to vent on here or else I may well vent elsewhere.

I have no children and no husband. I do have an elderly, but mostly well and active father and a mother in law who is terminally ill - but not imminent. She could live a year, she could live 6 months. It's just the nature of the beast.

I also have a business that I work very hard to maintain, especially at the moment when I'm juggling nursing my mother in law. My business involves working with professional/semi professional sports people and so we are booked in for some sports matches over Christmas and New Year. Normally I'd take the burden if most of these, as it's my business. However, this year I can't because I have a lot of my mother in law's, and by virtue of that, my late husband's family coming over from the Caribbean to stay with us. I'm thrilled about this and can't wait to see them, that's not a problem. The problem is that my staff - who I've rarely asked to do anything they didn't want to do - are refusing to cover some of the matches because they want to be home with their children. I actually had one day to me today that me leaving my mother in law (did I mention she's terminally fucking ill and needs nursing) is less important than her leaving her children with their fucking father for one day. It is the lack of empathy that got to me. I think I'm a pretty fair employer. I don't expect parents to work the tours unless they want to, I let them work as flexible as possible and take time out for appts, assemblies etc. All I wanted was this year for some compassion and understanding in return and for a few people to take on the Christmas work that I normall do myself.

I'm so angry. It's like my life is worth less.

They need to step up and do the job. That's what they're paid for. You apparently can't be their friend so be their boss. BTW I'm up for rubbing/massaging legs and backs etc if they dig their heels in. Edinburgh based.....

OP I just wanted to say I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your MIL and her visiting family, you sound like a genuinely lovely person.
Ps. I'm slightly jealous of the fact your user name might indicate some hands on therapy of his thighs given your job

To all those who think that my day involves rubbing the thighs of rugby players.....you are not far wrong! I can't even hint who my clients are but unfortunately the username does not reflect reality. Just my business partners fantasy until I helpfully pointed out that she was old enough to be his mother.

We're still undecided about the meal. Will see how it goes tomorrow.

In the interests of equality. We also work with women's teams as well.

I agree if you don't go to the meal it will look as if you feel guilty, when you have done nothing wrong.

I think you should go to the meal, say something along the lines of what friskybivalves suggests, and leave early.

And enjoy your Christmas with lovely MIL, your dad and your godchildren.

Op be careful
This thread is super recognisable

Not for
Me ! But your team

I would also just go for the meal, say something appreciative of their hard work this year, eat, pay and leave them to it. They may feel that they can then have a gossip, or they can go home too.

At least you have shown who's boss, drawn the boundaries, and shown gratitude for their own commitments. All good things.

Did you go OP, hope you had a great time if you did.

Hi everyone. We did go, but only stayed for the meal then went home. It was fine, but got the impression everyone was just counting down the minutes until we left. Hey ho

a new year is always a good time to review a growing business. streamlining, and all that. might result in some redundancies... GIANT SLY WINK

ahem.

Perhaps these sour women might be over-sharing at work with clients too. That might bring down the atmosphere for the said clients also. Might be more to inspire a clean up. I'm sure there are more qualified women in the field looking for work. If they are told what happened to inspire the clean-up, it might not happen again. (Also having a stable of casual employees to draw from might not be a bad plan too.)

Well done, that was the right decision. I'm sure with time things will get back to normal and the atmosphere in the office will improve in the new year.

Have you heard any more from ex-staff member?

OP, what did your HR advisor say about the sacking?

Unfortunately it doesn’t sound like you followed the correct procedure so she could well have an unfair dismissal claim if she’s minded to go down that route, particularly if she doesn’t get another job. Anyone with over two years service has the right to a fair disciplinary procedure.

At the very least I would suggest writing to her and offering the right of appeal, saying you will hold a rehearing... if you can resurrect any part of the process then it might help reduce any compensation if she does bring a claim!

I would imagine the things the ex employee said to her boss would qualify as gross misconduct.

I would imagine the things the ex employee said to her boss would qualify as gross misconduct

Yes, we checked with our HR advisor and he advised this. We have statements from my business partner and other people who were in the office when she said it - it was shouted at me so loud enough to be heard by others. I did hear that she is trying to set up herself and has contacted some of our clients offering her services. It's possible that some of them will give her a bit of work, and that's fine, but she's no competition for us. I'd rather her just move on and then leave us alone.

It’s a shame about the atmosphere at the meal, it really hurts doesn’t it when you’ve always been there for them, been flexible, been kind and all been friendly, then something like this happens.

I really hope no one ‘pulls a sickie’ and ruins your Christmas.

@Iloveautumnleaves we have a secret contingency plan if that happens. Just don't want the staff to know because I dint want them to think that they can behave like that and get away with it. Three weeks ago it would never have occurred to me to have something like this and not trust some of them. This has been a steep learning curve.

Just read your thread. You sound like a lovely person and boss and I'm glad that you have resolved this. Hope that you get to spend some quality time with your mil over Christmas x

Do you not have a 'no poaching clients clause' in your contracts to cover this. She really is a piece of work isn't she?

I’m glad you’ve got something in place & can be pretty sure of spending Christmas with your family.

It’s a steep (& incredibly disappointing) learning curve, but at least it’s happened in just enough time for you to be able to put a plan in place, rather that at an even worse time.

Do your best to put this to one side now & concentrate on your personal life and those truly important to you 🎄🍷

I'd enforce the contracts, and make sure they know that you will fire anyone who calls in 'sick'. I would also start a staff rota for holidays, Easter, Xmas to make sure everyone takes a turn and it's fair - it's then up to your staff to find cover for their shifts if needed,

Do you not have a 'no poaching clients clause' in your contracts to cover this

We do, however she's offering freelance services rather than setting up her own business- does that make a difference?

Yes time to get tougher

I dont think it makes a difference.

If she sets up as freelance and advertises and former clients contact her then (iirc) thats fine as they are free to choose their service provider. What she cant do is use contacts she only has through her work for you in order to gain their business.

It really is time to get tough. A cease and desist letter citing her contract may be enough, but you may need to take legal action as heaven knows what she is telling your clients. You may need to be proactive with clients too, explaining the situation so they are aware she may be bad mouthing you as a personal vendetta.

I don't think it makes a difference either, I think Pyongs advise is worth looking into. Do you have a legal bod at the office?

I'm not legally knowledgeable but I can see it would make sense to let your clients know (certainly perhaps the ones she may try to gain business from) that you've dismissed her for gross misconduct.

On a more Zen note, I very much doubt she has the drive and work ethic to flourish as a freelancer. She won't have worked out yet that it means doing all the working days you don't want to as you can't palm them off onto others!