Finding it hard not to be angry and bitter today

[Leighhalfpennysthigh]

This is a rant. There is no solution, I just need to vent on here or else I may well vent elsewhere.

I have no children and no husband. I do have an elderly, but mostly well and active father and a mother in law who is terminally ill - but not imminent. She could live a year, she could live 6 months. It's just the nature of the beast.

I also have a business that I work very hard to maintain, especially at the moment when I'm juggling nursing my mother in law. My business involves working with professional/semi professional sports people and so we are booked in for some sports matches over Christmas and New Year. Normally I'd take the burden if most of these, as it's my business. However, this year I can't because I have a lot of my mother in law's, and by virtue of that, my late husband's family coming over from the Caribbean to stay with us. I'm thrilled about this and can't wait to see them, that's not a problem. The problem is that my staff - who I've rarely asked to do anything they didn't want to do - are refusing to cover some of the matches because they want to be home with their children. I actually had one day to me today that me leaving my mother in law (did I mention she's terminally fucking ill and needs nursing) is less important than her leaving her children with their fucking father for one day. It is the lack of empathy that got to me. I think I'm a pretty fair employer. I don't expect parents to work the tours unless they want to, I let them work as flexible as possible and take time out for appts, assemblies etc. All I wanted was this year for some compassion and understanding in return and for a few people to take on the Christmas work that I normall do myself.

I'm so angry. It's like my life is worth less.

Thanks for being kind. I was expecting to be flamed to be honest. Our usual freelancers are all booked up or not working and the business just can't really afford them either. We've taken on more permanent staff in the last year to meet extra commitments and also more support staff to run the office. We're doing ok and have money available if it's necessary to hire a freelancer eg to cover illness or me when my mother in law gets worse, but don't want to use them when we have staff available- just refusing to do what they have been contracted to do.

Yup - this is what the disciplinary procedure is for.

That is very difficult. It must hurt so much because you are already dealing with losing your lovely MIL.

I think your staff have let you down badly, so yoj wil just have to work yourself now.

all those people who offered to be there and help out, call them up now and ask them to help you. Would your visiting family help you care for your MIL while they are here?

Christmas is just one day, i know you wanted to make this one great for your MIL but you if you can just get over the christmas few days, take some time off and have 5 christmas dinners then on normal days if you want to!

You need some time off work. That is the most obvious thing from your post. Good luck.

It seems like you knew about this for a while. When did you tell them?
If only in the last few days, it is very short notice. If my boss suddenly expected me to change my Christmas hours I'd struggle to get childcare/rearrange plans at this point.

I agree they should be more willing to help given the circumstances though.

I'd tread carefully at this point rather than rush in shouting about disciplinaries.

@UbiquitousDust well the op told them in July so I would say 5 months was plenty of time.

Wish people would read the OP posts, she said they were told in July.
Your staff are taking the piss. I work in the NHS and we all know Christmas has to be covered just like your physio staff do. Having children is not an excuse not to work.
You sound like a lovely boss and they are being incredibly selfish. Read them the riot act!

That is awful of them ask them how they would feel if a member of their family was dying. They knew the deal when they agreed tell them to put their big grl pants on and get on with it this year and next year you hope to be more flexible. Also remind them that they have already had time off for kids plays etc. Can't have it always give and take not take and take.

I hope you have some time out to spend quietly with her. A friend who helps at the hospice is taking my jigsaws as both people who are ill and relatives who are sitting find them absorbing while just being. Might be an idea to get yourself one to just be for a while. She will know you are there. It will give you a little respite too. Sending a prayer to you.

I’d make it very clear that you are prepared to go down the formal disciplinary route. They can’t decide to just not turn up for work.

However I would also be prepared that they would call in “sick” on the day. Could you offer them unpaid leave and use what you would spend to get a freelancer to cover??

Not really. They weren't given the dates so have made plans.

I agree they should be showing more compassion and it's a bit rotten for the OP but it's only 2 weeks away so it is last minute regardless of whatevwr they were told 5 months ago.

I don’t see how it’s last minute when they have known since July! They knew they had to work over festive period so should have planned.

I agree they may call in sick so you had best plan how to deal with this

The unpaid leave option and using the money on freelancers may be the best way round them just calling in sick on the day as Yah says. I would probably do that to protect yourself from ending up having to work anyway to cover sickies.

What I'd also do is decline to be flexible in future, beyond what's legally obliged or in their contracts, for any member of staff who has been difficult over this. Flexibility works both ways. Next time they want a last minute early finish etc, tough.

Also, from what OP said these people don't necessarily need childcare - the other parent of the child could look after them, but they are saying they don't want to do that and also want to be off themselves. Again, tough. Sometimes you have to tag team.

Perhaps mention in your team meeting that if you can't meet your work obligations they may not have to worry about working awkward shifts as you won't have any work to do. You sound like a lovely boss and they are being selfish and horrible. So sorry about your mil.

Well. From what I'm seeing here you are a lovely person and a very tolerant employer. You should absolutely enforce these working hours and frankly, to hell with them and their hierarchy of bullshit that says being at their kids beck and call overrides your dear MIL. Especially when their dads will be on hand!

Good grief. I'm a freelancer and discussed my Christmas working hours two months ago with all my clients and will be keeping my word and their deadlines. Because that's what decent people do.

I hope you manage to have a restful few festive days.

Presumably these employees signed contracts when you employed them. Kick ass.
I’m cross on your behalf OP.💐

If they call in sick, even more reason to start the disciplinary process!

Sorry OP but it's time for you to step up and behave like the boss. You call a team meeting, explain (remind) them of the situation and that they were told/agreed they were going to work back in July.

Point out how disappointed you are in them that all your flexibility over the years hasn't been rewarded or returned by them, and say that you will be expecting them between them to agree who is covering which match, and to let you know by the end of the week. And failure to come up an appropriate plan will mean formal warnings for them, for not living up to the terms of their contracts.

And stop being so nice to them in future!

OP you sound like a great boss and a wonderful DIL and I'm sorry that you have 3 employees who don't realise how lucky they are.

I would definitely go down the formal warning route. However, if they do 're-agree' to work, I would be nervous of them calling in sick on the day and the impact that would have on both your business and you and your MIL. I think you need to decide in advance what the consequences of 'last minute sickness' on the days over Christmas are and make it clear to your 3 employees.

Wishing you all the best. If I was a trained physio, I would happily step up to help you for free. Sorry that you're in this situation but you're the boss and you've been very fair so kick ass!

If you made the rota known in plenty of time (not just a vague reference to bank holiday cover) then they are behaving really badly.

If you're able to get freelancers, perhaps what a pp suggested would work: offer the people on the rota either do those days or they take unpaid leave, and you use the money to pay freelancers. I know you'd still be out of pocket, since freelancers will be more expensive, but not so much. (and they might think twice about refusing if they would be out of pocket - especially at this time of year!). You could even offer those shifts to the rest of the team at freelance rates to give an incentive.

Agree that you should have plans for what to do if your team call in sick. Those plans should include not paying them above what is in their contracts (ie if you have statutory sick in the contract, but usually pay sick days anyway, then don't.)

You are right to feel disappointed in them.

Poor you, it’s tough being the boss at times. You sound really lovely, I would help you out if I had the skills 😊

I just wondered if they know why you are not able to work as much this year. Have you explained it all to them? I run a business with dh and our employees were fantastic when we had a family crisis a few years ago.

Perhaps go into your meeting with them and lay it on the line. Tell them exactly why you need the money to work and also the terms of their contacts and see what their response is...

They have known that I wouldn't be able to cover Christmas since July and all three said that they were ok with the rota that we drew up then. Other people are covering other commitments and they are spread out around the country.

We aren't working Christmas Day or Christmas Eve, but Boxing Day is an important one for us.

There is no way I'm leaving my mother in law over Christmas. It is non negotiable. They know this. They all know her as she pops into the office sometimes when she's feeling ok. The family who are coming over are people that she hasn't seen for a long, long time. She came over on the Windrush and hasn't been back to the Caribbean since and they haven't come over here. She was abandoned by the arsehole who was my husband's father in dire poverty when he was 6 months old and she had to work 3 jobs to survive. She's nervous about seeing her family - some of whom she has never met, but wants to see them before she dies.

The way I feel tonight is that I would cheerfully sack all three of them. I'll settle for a written warning though. Besides if I sack them now I still have to find someone to cover Christmas!

If they agreed to work those days and are now refusing/complaining I would go in to the meeting tomorrow and explain how they had agreed and it has all been drawn up and sorted.

I would explain the terms of their contracts and conditions of employment to them individually in separate meetings and issue written warnings if need be..

OP, I think of situations like yours whenever there are posts saying "I'd be willing to give the boss so much more in goodwill if they just did x, y or z for me"

Except I've been an employer too and so often it just doesn't happen. As a PP correctly said, "for small-minded people the "boss" is forever the enemy", even though you've gone out of your way to be generous and even though this agreement was made months ago

Therefore I'd suggest the path I've occasionally and reluctantly had to tread myself: disciplinary action

Leighhalfpennysthigh Bin there and sort of dun that sort of thing over Xmas being the Boss myself.

A lot of people who work for you won't see things the way you do thats why your the govenor and their not.

Kudos to the MN posters who have offered to help out tho:)

I think like above posters have said you are just going to have to lay it on the table that they were well aware and they have to do it .. from someone with children who is working Christmas Day / Boxing Day and the 27 th !
If it’s part of the job you sometimes just have to suck it up.

Issue timetables to the end of December/January in the team meeting and advise these are the hours. If they are unable to work they can swap amongst themselves.

I wouldn’t say in the meeting that a written warning would be issued I would just remind them that their contract states these hours and it is enforceable and refusal to follow the contract may result in disciplinary action. Then the first one to kick off calmly arrange a disciplinary with them.