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Finding it hard not to be angry and bitter today

298 replies

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 11/12/2018 18:00

This is a rant. There is no solution, I just need to vent on here or else I may well vent elsewhere.

I have no children and no husband. I do have an elderly, but mostly well and active father and a mother in law who is terminally ill - but not imminent. She could live a year, she could live 6 months. It's just the nature of the beast.

I also have a business that I work very hard to maintain, especially at the moment when I'm juggling nursing my mother in law. My business involves working with professional/semi professional sports people and so we are booked in for some sports matches over Christmas and New Year. Normally I'd take the burden if most of these, as it's my business. However, this year I can't because I have a lot of my mother in law's, and by virtue of that, my late husband's family coming over from the Caribbean to stay with us. I'm thrilled about this and can't wait to see them, that's not a problem. The problem is that my staff - who I've rarely asked to do anything they didn't want to do - are refusing to cover some of the matches because they want to be home with their children. I actually had one day to me today that me leaving my mother in law (did I mention she's terminally fucking ill and needs nursing) is less important than her leaving her children with their fucking father for one day. It is the lack of empathy that got to me. I think I'm a pretty fair employer. I don't expect parents to work the tours unless they want to, I let them work as flexible as possible and take time out for appts, assemblies etc. All I wanted was this year for some compassion and understanding in return and for a few people to take on the Christmas work that I normall do myself.

I'm so angry. It's like my life is worth less.

OP posts:
Waddsup12 · 18/12/2018 15:56

Maybe time for a (good) customer satisfaction/feedback scheme too.

Give your clients a bit of love and a chance to say if there's anything need changing and your news, etc. Check there's no lingering issues...

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 18/12/2018 19:11

Thank you. We will definitely look into that. A few of her "favourite" clients have made a few comments about how they were surprised that we were so family unfriendly. The staff who were working there put them right. Luckily most of our clients have known me for many years and so,e were friends of my husband, so are aware of what happened to us.

OP posts:
MachineBee · 19/12/2018 08:23

If she contacts your clients she may have illegally taken data with her. Is there any way your systems can show if she downloaded anything before she left?

steppemum · 19/12/2018 08:49

Because I want to look after her because I love her. She is the last link I have to my husband.

Because she is dying and wants to spend as much time as possible with me - her last link to her son and someone she loves like a daughter

Because she hasn't seen her brothers since she came over to the UK aged 18 on the Windrush and despite the fact she wants to see them again and meet their families, they are practically strangers to her and she feels vulnerable and don't want to rely on them for care.

My dad is amazing, but he is elderly too and it's nit fair on him.

Op, that post really made me tear up. You sound fab.
I'm glad the rogue woman has gone, fresh start after Christmas, and everything will settle down.
Have a great Christmas with your family. (I nearly said your husband's family, but they are your family too)

x x

BumbleBeee69 · 21/12/2018 00:30

Well done OP Flowers

ilovesooty · 21/12/2018 01:05

I hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas.

Ated · 21/12/2018 12:11

Sorry to hear of your troubles.
1 Try for freelances
2 Warn your staff you expect them to work, as per contracts.
3 Reduce their hours dramatically and sack them at the first opportunity or encourage them to leave.

Toooldtocareanymore · 21/12/2018 12:15

From experience I wouldn't threaten written warnings people will just shrug it off, doesn't mean anything, its all 'so what if I get a warning I'm just spending time with my family what would they do if I just threw a sickie on the day' least I am warning them, they should be grateful not threatening me with warnings, ' ... I'd be more ok this is the time we need covered this is what I proposed, but I'm happy to be flexible if you want to agree changes among yourselves to maximise time home etc., but I expect you to be available as per your contract of employment, say if its not resolved today, going forward all holiday requests and time off will have to be requested at least 4 weeks in advance and will be stuck to rigidly, I will be revising the business handbook- or whatever official documents you have- to reflect this. Tell them I'm not having this situation of redoing rotas 2 weeks in advance again, in other words if you don't step up now I'm going to be bitch from hell when you next need a half day for assembly... I would sit down and go through everyone's attendance records and if someone has taken maximum holiday, got all major holidays off , etc. I'd raise this at meeting.

ritzbiscuits · 21/12/2018 12:19

I've got to this post very late, sorry you've been mucked around so much by your staff at a very difficult time for you.

In short, if their job is sports physio, then aside from what is in contracts, it's bloody obvious that your company services will be in demand on Boxing Day/New Years Day.

I think people have to accept the profession they work in and the working conditions that come with it. That includes planning childcare for those times of year.

My DH works in the NHS and will be back from 27th, that's just expected in his line of work.

I hope you get through this period without a hitch. After the dust has settled, I'd be reminding everybody in the Summer around their obligations around the Christmas period. There is plenty of time for them to hand in their notice if that doesn't suit them!

Love and Merry Christmas to you and your MIL x

tillytrotter1 · 21/12/2018 12:26

If you need to make anyone redundant in the future, re read your post and make sure you have all the names of your unhelpful staff.

Cherries101 · 21/12/2018 12:27

I would personally take on her old clients myself, treat them, wine and dine them, and introduce them to their new physio. Most sports people want a reputed physio from a good company, not a one man band, and so you could ensure she doesn’t get anyone then.

Also, I suggest using a combination of more final written warnings or instant dismissals (not adhering to contractual terms is gross misconduct) and employing more contractors or consultant physios.

Strictly1 · 21/12/2018 12:29

I hope you're able to put all of this awful drama to one side and enjoy your Christmas with your MIL. You sound lovely x

RB68 · 21/12/2018 12:34

she is poaching doesn't matter if freelance or not. She has also taken client data which is a breach of gdpr. I personally would get a letter out to her from solicitors with relevant jargon/legalise to cease and desist.

Lottapianos · 21/12/2018 12:45

OP, you are a saintly person. I don't have children either and am fuming on your behalf at what that horrible woman said to you. Well done to your business partner for reacting so swiftly. And yes, definitely get tougher in the new year

I'm so very sorry that your husband died. I can't imagine how painful that must have been for you

I wish you a peaceful and calm Christmas with your lovely MIL

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 24/12/2018 17:03

Well the family are starting to descend and my normally quiet house is a riot of laughter - something it has missed for a long time. My mother in law's niece (my husband's cousin) has taken over my kitchen and making Jamaican jerk chicken for everyone. My mother in law is having a really good day and is going through all my husband's baby pictures with her brothers and sisters.

The only thing that would make this better is my husband here as well, but he's in our hearts.

All has been quiet in the last few days so fingers crossed for Boxing Day - I think that the other two are sufficiently worried about losing their jobs to try anything on. My business partner and her four kids are coming over on Boxing Day for tea and to meet the family.

Thank you everyone for your support and I'd like to wish you all a very merry Christmas and happy new year. Xxxx

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 24/12/2018 17:09

And the very same to you OP, you deserve a lovely time. Jerk chicken- so jealous!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 24/12/2018 17:13

Jerk chicken? Can I come?? Wink

So happy to hear about the lovely atmosphere at yours - long may it last and here's wishing you a truly lovely Christmas and the very best of times in 2019 Flowers

Apileofballyhoo · 24/12/2018 18:15

Read your whole thread, OP. I have tears in my eyes. I hope you have a very Happy Christmas. You sound like such a wonderful person.

ButteryParsnips · 24/12/2018 20:25

All the best to you and your family OP for a lovely day tomorrow and Boxing Day. You deserve it Flowers

AnoukSpirit · 24/12/2018 22:55

I'm so glad today has been such a good day, I hope it continues over the coming days Flowers

Knittedfairies · 24/12/2018 23:04

I wish you all a wonderful Christmas.

KeiTeNgeNge · 26/12/2018 00:03

Wishing you a wonderful Xmas

Bagadverts · 26/12/2018 00:32

Just read the thread and wishing you a very Merry Christmas.

Also best wishes to your business partner and any of of the non emergency services people on MN, working over Christmas to keep us entertained whether in the foreground like the sports stars or background- the groundstaff, cameramen, physios and miriad of others. I’ll think of you when I hear them calling the physios onto the pitch.

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