Finding it hard not to be angry and bitter today

[Leighhalfpennysthigh]

This is a rant. There is no solution, I just need to vent on here or else I may well vent elsewhere.

I have no children and no husband. I do have an elderly, but mostly well and active father and a mother in law who is terminally ill - but not imminent. She could live a year, she could live 6 months. It's just the nature of the beast.

I also have a business that I work very hard to maintain, especially at the moment when I'm juggling nursing my mother in law. My business involves working with professional/semi professional sports people and so we are booked in for some sports matches over Christmas and New Year. Normally I'd take the burden if most of these, as it's my business. However, this year I can't because I have a lot of my mother in law's, and by virtue of that, my late husband's family coming over from the Caribbean to stay with us. I'm thrilled about this and can't wait to see them, that's not a problem. The problem is that my staff - who I've rarely asked to do anything they didn't want to do - are refusing to cover some of the matches because they want to be home with their children. I actually had one day to me today that me leaving my mother in law (did I mention she's terminally fucking ill and needs nursing) is less important than her leaving her children with their fucking father for one day. It is the lack of empathy that got to me. I think I'm a pretty fair employer. I don't expect parents to work the tours unless they want to, I let them work as flexible as possible and take time out for appts, assemblies etc. All I wanted was this year for some compassion and understanding in return and for a few people to take on the Christmas work that I normall do myself.

I'm so angry. It's like my life is worth less.

Maybe you should drop into the equation that if you can't fulfil your obligations as a company then it's very likely you will lose some of the contracts you have and will have to unload some staff in the New Year!

Mind you if they have been with you less that 2 years I'd fire their arses just for the bitter childless comment.

I do hope everything goes well for you today and they capitulate, they give working mothers and women a bad reputation, we're supposed to be supporting each other and going out of our way for each other not drop kicking each other at times of need in front of a train.

Don't mention anything personal either, this isn't about sickness or Christmas, this is about them covering the agreed matches.

Op you sound lovely, wish you were my boss. I can't actually believe that all this trouble and you aren't even asking them to work Christmas day, and even if you were they would have to suck it up.

A million per cent agree with posters saying to get rid of the one who made the bitter comment. What a fucking cheek. She or he is unprofessional, impertinent, not a team player and a deeply unpleasant person to have selected such a wounding comment. Get rid and the whole atmosphere may turn more pleasant.
We had a bitter stirrer in our team at work, and we thought that there were actually a group of about four very negative and difficult ladies. However, the stirrer left and lo and behold the others slowly had a transformation of attitude.

So sorry that you have to deal with this when you have so much more important stuff to deal with.

Do you have any employees who are being fair and good? Perhaps focus on them with a card thanking them for their efforts and a bottle of something nice. It's so easy to get mired in the negative and carrots are more effective than sticks (although obviously here you also need to get a huge fucking tree on the go).

Best of luck today

I would also ease them into the real world and out of your business. I’m surprised you didn’t discipline/fire the cf who mentioned bitter at the time, although bloombuger is probably right. Good luck op

Keep it professional
Keep it factual
Advise that if you lose clients you will have to reduce business , and overhead

Advise that in a work scenario you do not expect to have personal insults thrown at you . If it happens again she will get a written warning

Good luck . You can’t just fire everyone but they need the brutal facts

I'd be wary that if they are told they have to work and it's not negotiable, they will ask for parental/ emergency leave. This has happened in my workplace with a couple of women who think their kids are more important than anyone else's and flat put refuse to work over Xmas. When told they had to, parental leave requests were made which HR said we're not allowed to refuse. So they got their own way anyway and fucked their colleagues over.

I hope this doesn't happen OP and you find a way to have the Xmas you want with your family and get rid of these uncooperative staff in the New Year.

I can't stand the way the over-hype of the 'perfect Christmas' gets in the way of absolutely everything else at this time of year. 'But it's Christmas' is not a good enough excuse for backing out of a work contract, kids or no kids. I hope you get it sorted OP.

Good luck today OP. I don't understand why they're being so awkward, Boxing Day is always a slow day anyway, we usually just go for a walk, and if its a match I assume its only 3 or 4 hours not an entire 7/8 hour shift?

Definitely keep emotion and your reasons out of it. They were rota'd to do these hours, they were advised in July so their reasons for not wanting to are irrelevant.

Its not about who trumps who for good reasons, its about fulfilling your pre agreed rota.

This sounds insane - boxing day? If it was christmas day theyd have a point perhaps but tonnes of people usually work boxing day. I'm a parent and this year will be the first i have xmas off. You need to start firmly but calmly kickin ass.

Good luck today OP - agree with the pp, the one who called you bitter needs to go. If not now, then as soon as you can get rid of her within the constraints of HR law. I don’t know whether you are childless by choice or circumstance but either way that kind of comment is completely unacceptable and cannot be swept under the carpet. I hope you and you father and MiL have a wonder Christmas with the overseas relatives x

Hope everything is resolved today OP but if it's not, I would be telling them in the new year in no uncertain terms, that there will no longer be any "nipping off " for school assemblies, and appointments need to be made out of work time.

Another one sending good wishes today.

Dear OP, I feel your pain. DH is in the same business and employee has just handed in notice - January is the busiest time of his year and now, he is one major person down.

Unfortunately we have learned over the years that employees never ever treat your business as you do, even though they rely on it to pay their mortgage, there seems to be no concept that everyone needs to put in the effort to keep the business going.

I despair at today’s younger people when I think of the work I put in in my 20’s and 30’s as an employee- it seems that level of commitment is now seen as weird and it’s all about me me me.

You sound lovely and I hope you get some concrete help here.

You’d have thought a bunch of sports physios would realise that a lot of sport happens on Boxing Day
You’ve been too good to them I think. Being involved in professional sport means working when it’s on. Are any of them surprised sport happens at the weekend too?!

They all need a “you don’t know how good you’ve had it” talk.

I hope everything goes well today.

I'm sorry op, they sounds really twatish . My brother does the exact job you do and he is having come home from a big family get together because he has a match on Boxing Day it's happened every year since he's been there and each year he's had to cut short any Christmas plans with us to get back and get to work so people can do it and will do it if their work ethic is good enough. and trust me I hold onto his ankles to stop him if you I could have he he. good luck today

Very best wishes again from me too ... I've got to do some Christmas shopping but will catch up later

,

How did it go OP?

Hope you're ok OP, eagerly awaiting your update

You need to be firm OP. I don’t think parents trump everyone else in the workplace. People without kids may have all sorts of legitimate reasons for working flexibly or wanting holidays off (Ill parents, pets, holiday plans or hobbies all spring to mind). It’s lovely if you can accommodate everyone but it’s your business. You could have every Christmas off if you so chose. They need to quit moaning and realise how lucky they are.

Rather suggests that they have missed the whole point of Christmas doesn't it - they had the chance to be supportive to you but have ignored it. Christmas should not be about eating too much and presents ....

Very sorry for you this must have made you very sad

How did it go today op?

Oh OP.. you sound such a lovely and fair boss.. I’d love to work for you! It’s really not acceptable and no wonder you are feeling upset, tired and frustrated.

Do you have a HR person you employ? If not, I’d recommend using an independent hr advisor, we previously used an amazing lady for a discipline process. They can advise and support/conduct the meeting etc.

You need to get tough and hold then to their contractual employment agreement. How bloody dare someone suggest you leave your MIL home instead of her children!

And in future, make sure staff do they’re bloody fair share of work alll year round!

New staff may well be a good idea! I do hope it works out well for you, and you and MIL have a lovely Christmas 🎄

Don’t be so lenient, they’ve shown their true colours, can you not get temps in?