Finding it hard not to be angry and bitter today

[Leighhalfpennysthigh]

This is a rant. There is no solution, I just need to vent on here or else I may well vent elsewhere.

I have no children and no husband. I do have an elderly, but mostly well and active father and a mother in law who is terminally ill - but not imminent. She could live a year, she could live 6 months. It's just the nature of the beast.

I also have a business that I work very hard to maintain, especially at the moment when I'm juggling nursing my mother in law. My business involves working with professional/semi professional sports people and so we are booked in for some sports matches over Christmas and New Year. Normally I'd take the burden if most of these, as it's my business. However, this year I can't because I have a lot of my mother in law's, and by virtue of that, my late husband's family coming over from the Caribbean to stay with us. I'm thrilled about this and can't wait to see them, that's not a problem. The problem is that my staff - who I've rarely asked to do anything they didn't want to do - are refusing to cover some of the matches because they want to be home with their children. I actually had one day to me today that me leaving my mother in law (did I mention she's terminally fucking ill and needs nursing) is less important than her leaving her children with their fucking father for one day. It is the lack of empathy that got to me. I think I'm a pretty fair employer. I don't expect parents to work the tours unless they want to, I let them work as flexible as possible and take time out for appts, assemblies etc. All I wanted was this year for some compassion and understanding in return and for a few people to take on the Christmas work that I normall do myself.

I'm so angry. It's like my life is worth less.

I wish you the very best for tomorrow and hope you'll update us, but when it gets difficult please also remember the wise words from EtVoila*:

I will, thank you all,again.

Also really angry on your behalf about the bitter and childless comment - that is disgraceful and in itself deserves consequences. And now you've said it's not even Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, they are definitely being really out of line and whiny. Kids will be zonked out and fixated on their new stuff by then. They can suck it up, do their bloody jobs and be grateful they aren't having to work on Christmas Day or look after a terminally ill family member!

I would be fuming too. Hope meeting goes ok and enforce their contracts if they refuse to do their shifts. The comment made by the one who accused you of being bitter as you don't have children is way way over the line. She sounds unpleasant and a shame you can't dismiss someone for that. Not many could nurse their terminally ill MIL over Christmas.

I think you’ve got the right approach op, disciplinary action all the way. Agree conpletely with the lunchtime deadline and you draw it out of a hat- they can’t just be unable to agree. and I would have tagged whoever called you bitter and childless to manage out/ get rid of. That is not acceptable and you don’t have to have that in your team.
I would be very very tempted to say in the meeting and may your children and their partners work for people more human than you when it’s your last Christmas.

No no no!! Please don’t feel that it’s because you don’t have kids and you’ve sadly lost your husband. You sound like a really caring, fair and understanding boss. These women are being selfish and letting you down. Please get tough in meeting. They have xmas eve xmas day off. They should think themselves lucky

I don't have useful advice but I hope you and MIL have a peaceful and joyous day on Xmas Day together.
And if your username reflects the job that needs doing, I can volunteer in a totally unprofessional way...

Before your meeting, I would ring ACAS and see what advice they can give you about what you can do in these circumstances.

www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1410)

Please do this ^ and make sure you follow disciplinary procedures & law to the letter.*

It's all ready all been said, but you sound like an amazing employer and genuinely lovely person to work for. I hope they are respectful and step up to meet their obligations in the meetings today.

I would find it very difficult to have the three people in question on the payroll in future.

Employers like you are worth their weight in gold - they will realise it one day.

You are being teated appallingly by your staff. for you.

Will you keep us posted about how it goes today, OP?

Hope at least one of these women is on mn and has RTWT

I would fire the person who called you bitter/childless if they had been with you under two years.

I wouldn't even give a reason to them unless it was 'unfortunately you're not enough of a team player'.

Good luck for today

Are the sporting events during their usual co reacted hours, or at a time they would normally be off, and your requesting they charge their hours? I get it's frustrating, and upsetting/ but they are employees not friends. If they are failing to fulfill their contracts by refusing- then commence disciplinary proceedings. If you're expecting extra commitment from them, with minimal prior notice and they have plans- I'm sorry, but I dont see that as them being selfish.

Also- have they already been allocated these days- how far in advance does the roster have to be according to their employment contract? If they are in breach of that- then I would absolutely be taking it further and discipline all three.

Sorry, did they know what day over Christmas they would be working in July and now saying no, or was it a roster of events that would need covering with no one allocated?

Please do call ACAS for legal advice on how to do disciplinary if you're at all unsure.

Your employees have behaved unprofessionally and taken the piss from the sound of it.

I would fire the person who called you bitter/Childress if they had been with you under two years.
Agreed. If not, manage her out.

This is awful, you sound like a lovely employer and have been so flexible in the past, shame they can’t do the same for you.

Joining the chorus of support here, OP.

In the past I have worked Xmas day, also in a job that required attending a professional sporting event (footballers always train Xmas day owing to Boxing Day fixtures). It was recognised as being part of the job. And weirdly quite fun and festive. Nice atmosphere and camaraderie.

Later, I was the childless female boss whose deputy (with kids) tried to wriggle out of a shift at the last minute by saying, 'I can't bear to think of my little DD's face if I'm not there to see her open her presents'. I too was looking forward to making Xmas special for a bereaved relative. I was repulsed by him trying to play Family Top Trumps to get out of a long planned rota. I made him work as planned. He did acquiesce in the end.

And finally my DH now has worked the last three Xmas days so that he gets new year off so we can go away. And our DCs have been just fine. They understand it's a trade off and that parents can't always be there when they want to be. I think it's an important life lesson for them to learn!

My point is that in all circs, a professional member of staff who know the demands of their contract just doesn't get to bail out when it suits.

Agree with taking advice on disciplinaries because they can go very wrong when you bring emotion in. But do you really want these unprofessional people in your team? They have shown their true colours. Lack of respect for their employers and also to their clients. Operating as a tag team to put pressure on you. They sound like bullies. Get top advice and ship them out.

Could you offer a last minute extra perk? Would a £50 Amazon voucher or hamper sugar the pill (not that they deserve it...?) Just a thought.

I have a family and like to be around at Christmas; most people do, but I really don't sympathise with the attitude that having children somehow means that one is more entitled to time off over the holidays than a childless colleague. I am fuming on your behalf OP.

You sound lovely OP, really hope you can reach a happy compromise today but I expect each of them will believe that one of the others should work Boxing Day. Sounds like they’ve all had it easy for far too long.

Maybe conclude in the meeting that this is what will expected from now on and the rota for next Christmas will be drawn up in January, therefore whoever works this one won’t be doing next year.

You’ve done your fair share and it’s not as if working over Christmas has come as a complete surprise, they were aware that they would have to do it. Their fault they’ve stuck their heads in the sand hoping it would go away.

Stick to your guns and good luck

Good luck today op

Very best of everything and lots of both!

Good luck for the meeting today.

Hopefully the threat of “if you don’t uphold your end of the contract you won’t have a job in January” will be enough to slap some sense into them.

If they don’t like that, they can always come and work in the NHS and play ‘christmas cover roulette’ every year.

Not sure this is possible/legal etc... but since they are technically breaking their contract anyway... what if you hired a locum to cover the difficult days and docked their Jan pay to cover the cost? (Maybe they’d rather lose pay than work rise days??) You could present it as an option or something you’ll be forced to do if they don’t step up. Followed by disciplinary action.

Don't ask them to cover Xmas OP tell them they will be covering Xmas and don't take no for an answer.
They get to request leave and you have a right to turn it down. They are contracted to work over Xmas and have had 5 months notice that they will be doing so.
I'm cross on your behalf, I've also had staff moan about Xmas leave when they don't get it but the fact is the business needs to covered.

Please don't issue warnings today, you need to follow due process. I'm a HR consultant and if you DM me I'm happy to offer some advice.

I too would at least give a formal warning to a member of staff who called another staff member (including and particularly the boss) anything remotely like bitter and childless. Under two years then do consider sacking them. That’s worse than not being very good at their job.
Agree ask ACAS but then in team meeting just state fact that they are required to work to cover matches and who is covering which? Wait through awkward silence. Someone will cave before you. Don’t start justifying or begging but stick to simple request. “Who is covering which match?” Repeat until covered. Thank people who have agreed.

Don’t enter debate if anyone says they can’t because they have children. Just say, “Yes, we all have commitments but who is covering the match?” Ridiculous it’s only a few hours on Boxing Day.

I would advise them if they refuse to fulfil their contract not only will they possibly get a disciplinary but you will inclined to be less flexible in the future when they need to rearrange their hours for whatever reason.

I'd be looking for new staff and tell the idle sods you currently employ to start looking for other jobs but don't ask for references.