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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Messaged friends at 0740 this morning

512 replies

Idontlikecheesecake · 11/12/2018 16:15

We’re moving house and had an offer accepted yesterday so im very excited. I was looking through my phone when i woke up this morning and thought id told my friends in a group chat, but i hadnt so i sent them a message. It was 0740, a time when most people are getting up/already up getting ready for work or getting kids ready for school etc so I thought it was ok.

Only one friend had seen it and she sent me a message saying ‘couldnt you have sent this a bit later when we’re more awake?’ I joked that im on the night shift tonight so i could send a message at 3am, and then she actually had a go at me over messenger (she even swore) saying how she got kicked in the leg by a horse and wanted to have a lie in and it wasn’t the right time for her phone to be pinging all the time.

I just said I wasn’t to know she’d been injured, it was a reasonable time as lots of people are getting ready for work etc, and if she didnt want to be disturbed she shpuld have her phone on silent or whatever. To which she replied she doesn’t normally get messages at that time so why should she? She then removed herself from the group and sent a mutual friend a messaged saying i had annoyed her.

It just feels like a really petty and childish argument. To me it feels like she’s dictating to everyone else when we should be sending messages and shes speaking for them about what a reasonable time should be. And im annoyed that she had a go at me over something so petty

Its also not just this argument. Shes blamed me for stuff before. Like just after Christmas we were all going round a friends house for takeaway and she wanted to go put for a meal, and she didnt want to come because i had upset her. All i did was explain to her that we cant really afford to go out for a meal and a takeaway is easier because of childcare etc

She also often declines invites to do things or cancels at the last minute wih some crappy excus. And then when we don’t invite her, she’ll write a passive aggressive message like ‘gee thanks for the invite’

Shes a fairweather friend and im done with her. AIBU? Ive been fed up for a while but feel like this is the last straw

OP posts:
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5
U2HasTheEdge · 11/12/2018 17:17

IMO it is never too early or late to send a message. I don't use dnd often, so if I am woken up by a text it's my own fault for not putting it on.

Bigonesmallone3 · 11/12/2018 17:19

Maybe she's just jealous

Aeroflotgirl · 11/12/2018 17:22

Yanbu it is a text fgs, it is not like you were knocking on her door at 7:40am.

Tiredmum100 · 11/12/2018 17:23

I text some friends/family from 7 am, we're all usually up. If you're having s lye in its easy enough to put your phone on to silent or even switch it off!

Malibucyprus · 11/12/2018 17:24

My friend text me at 6.35 this morning, I was up but not ready to start a conversation, so left it unread until I’d got the kids off to school and was settled at work.

She should keep her phone on silent or DND if she’s sleeping. Or ignore if it’s too early for chatting.

Bunnybaubles · 11/12/2018 17:26

I never put my phone on silent and my mum always phones or texts before 7am especially on Sundays. Doesn't bother me, but drives DH demented 😁

90mammasophie · 11/12/2018 17:27

Who doesn't put there phone on silent if they don't want to be disturbed. Hmm Not your problem, don't worry about it.

daffodillament · 11/12/2018 17:28

Bloody hell, me and my friends send texts anytime of the day or night. If I was getting bothered I would just turn off notifications at that time and catch up later. And actually, happy news like yours would make my day anyway, and i'd be made up for you. She sounds like hard work. Miserable cow ! Grin

RomanyRoots · 11/12/2018 17:32

Well it's the middle of the night for me, but my phones on silent. I'm not up until about 9/9.30.
You could have just said sorry to begin with, and know for future that time is unsociable for some.
I find it odd that friends would fall out about something so trivial, associates yes, but not a true friend.

Bigonesmallone3 · 11/12/2018 17:33

Sorry u forgot to put ur phone on silent Grin

BewareOfDragons · 11/12/2018 17:34

Your friend is a twat.

Anyone can text or email whenever they like. Anyone can also have their computers/tablets/phones turned off or on silent or left someplace sensible if they're sleeping or busy.

Extrastout · 11/12/2018 17:34

On the one hand, I put my phone on Do not Disturb at night.
On the other hand, if I had forgotten, and I was woken by the ramblings of someone when I was hoping for a lie in, I'd be like a bear with a sore head.

Ye don't like each other. Meh.

VisitorsEntrance · 11/12/2018 17:35

She should have her phone on silent.
My friend sent me a picture of her cat at 6.30. Didn’t bother me.

TheEmmaDilemma · 11/12/2018 17:35

That time is not anti social and I'm a late riser.

If you don't want to be disturbed - silent mode.

Hohocabbage · 11/12/2018 17:36

Can you set messenger to notify you when some people message but not others?

Wordthe · 11/12/2018 17:36

sounds like the horse thinks she's an arsehole too :o

Extrastout · 11/12/2018 17:37

Actually, a previous poster has reminded me of something.
When I had dd, my mother would ring (before the invention of Do not Disturb), every fucking morning at 8am before going to work.
I was a new mother, having about 2 hours sleep a night, and she would wake me up 'to see how I was' every fucking morning.
I hated her. How bloody inconsiderate.

Peachsnowpop · 11/12/2018 17:38

YANBU - bin her off. She's no friend acting Like that

SushiMonster · 11/12/2018 17:38

Phone on DND at night.

You can set priority numbers and anyone who calls releatedly to get through eg if worried about parents/dependents.

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 11/12/2018 17:38

I’m sure it’s been said already but that’s way too early. I think it’s extremely rude to text or msg anyone before 9.00, unless it’s an emergency. It’s intrusive, entitled, selfish, thoughtless and just plain rude.

BoneyBackJefferson · 11/12/2018 17:41

IMO YABU.

Not necessarily because of the time or because you have no filter and expect people to do things because you have to tell them 'right now'

Its because they weren't important enough to be on your radar when this happened the day before.

Redland12 · 11/12/2018 17:42

I totally agree with Holger, I wouldn’t dream of texting anyone that early. Why should you have it on Silent, just don’t do it! Who wants to know news like that at 0740. It could have waited.

Extrastout · 11/12/2018 17:43

You don't go waking people up randomly. Fine, if your usual morning commute includes texting a particular friend, but to send a group text at that time? Fuck me no. I really would be wishing you every badness I could think of. Then again, I'm a poor sleeper, so I value getting any sleep at all.

Butchyrestingface · 11/12/2018 17:45

You were both in the wrong.

07:40 is a bit on the early side. And it wouldn't have killed you just to apologise.

On her side, bit rude not even to say, "oh, congratulations, 07:40 is a teensy bit early to text me though - could you save it for later in future?" It seems she didn't even offer you congrats.

But neither of you appear to like each other, so maybe this is for the best?

Kahlua4me · 11/12/2018 17:46

Strange reaction on her part for a friend. If I don’t want to talk I wouldn’t reply but also 7.40 isn’t early on a school/work day.

I would want my friends to feel they could text me at any time if they wanted to with either good news or bad. Isn’t that how friends behave? When my lovely mum died I text my friend at 5am and she rang me immediately.