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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Messaged friends at 0740 this morning

512 replies

Idontlikecheesecake · 11/12/2018 16:15

We’re moving house and had an offer accepted yesterday so im very excited. I was looking through my phone when i woke up this morning and thought id told my friends in a group chat, but i hadnt so i sent them a message. It was 0740, a time when most people are getting up/already up getting ready for work or getting kids ready for school etc so I thought it was ok.

Only one friend had seen it and she sent me a message saying ‘couldnt you have sent this a bit later when we’re more awake?’ I joked that im on the night shift tonight so i could send a message at 3am, and then she actually had a go at me over messenger (she even swore) saying how she got kicked in the leg by a horse and wanted to have a lie in and it wasn’t the right time for her phone to be pinging all the time.

I just said I wasn’t to know she’d been injured, it was a reasonable time as lots of people are getting ready for work etc, and if she didnt want to be disturbed she shpuld have her phone on silent or whatever. To which she replied she doesn’t normally get messages at that time so why should she? She then removed herself from the group and sent a mutual friend a messaged saying i had annoyed her.

It just feels like a really petty and childish argument. To me it feels like she’s dictating to everyone else when we should be sending messages and shes speaking for them about what a reasonable time should be. And im annoyed that she had a go at me over something so petty

Its also not just this argument. Shes blamed me for stuff before. Like just after Christmas we were all going round a friends house for takeaway and she wanted to go put for a meal, and she didnt want to come because i had upset her. All i did was explain to her that we cant really afford to go out for a meal and a takeaway is easier because of childcare etc

She also often declines invites to do things or cancels at the last minute wih some crappy excus. And then when we don’t invite her, she’ll write a passive aggressive message like ‘gee thanks for the invite’

Shes a fairweather friend and im done with her. AIBU? Ive been fed up for a while but feel like this is the last straw

OP posts:
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5
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 11/12/2018 16:27

omg if shes that precious she should put her phone on silent. Dont give her anymore thought or time

BaronessBomburst · 11/12/2018 16:29

Just ask someone to show her how to turn notifications for groups off. Lordy, the groups I'm in always seem to be active 24/7, which is precisely why WhatsApp have this as a standard option.

SoyDora · 11/12/2018 16:29

Gosh, I have a group of friends with children/toddlers/babies of various ages and messages come through at all time of the day and night, depending on when people are awake! I’ve just switched notifications off on that group chat so if I’m asleep they don’t disturb me. 7.40am isn’t particularly early and how were you to know she was having a lie in?
She sounds a pain in th arse in general to be honest.

WhatwouldCJdo · 11/12/2018 16:29

Sounds like she finds fault with everything.
I thought the point of texts etc was that you could control when you decide to view them and respond. Phones have silent options.

Ignore and don't message her again

Santasushi · 11/12/2018 16:30

She’s ott but you could have simply said sorry.

BaronessBomburst · 11/12/2018 16:30

Grin PaulHollywoodsSexgut

PinkFizzz · 11/12/2018 16:30

I think there are so many notifications now from various apps that if you want not to be disturbed you're best putting your phone on silent.

I don't think it was a crazy time to message and its not the same as being woken up by phonecalls or the doorbell - messages can be ignored and picked up when you feel ready.

YANBU.

ginnylocks · 11/12/2018 16:30

it's not too early she's a tit

EbbandTheWanderingHearts · 11/12/2018 16:32

I put my phone on silent most of the time! Grin YANBU. She sounds miserable.

brizzledrizzle · 11/12/2018 16:32

It is unreasonable to text at anti-social hours IMO. Plenty of people with teens/older sons and daughters who are out on the town keep their phones on in case of a problem which needs sorting out in the middle of the night. Mine is always on my bedside table for that reason.

TeenTimesTwo · 11/12/2018 16:33

We've had the phone debate a couple of times to my memory on MN.
The responses split pretty evenly into 2 camps:

A) texting is an asynchronous process. You send when convenient to you, people read when convenient to them. If she doesn't want to be disturbed then turn phone off / have it on silent / use options to select what you want on.

B) It is anti social not to know when people might want to receive messages and to only send them accordingly. People might have older phones that don't control as well, and they need them on to use as alarms or in case a relative needs to contact them in an emergency.

But, regardless of the above, she sounds generally hard work.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 11/12/2018 16:33

Switch your damn phone off at night! Dear god what could possibly happen that you need to be alerted at night (assuming you’re not a doctor on call).

Nesssie · 11/12/2018 16:34

Too early for such an unimportant text imo. She did overreact but you should have just said sorry.
I worry about missing emergency calls if I put my phone on silent, and I'm not sure who is going to take the time to mute all the different apps?

explodingkitten · 11/12/2018 16:34

I wont put my phone on silent in case my MIL or my elderly father suddenly need help. For some people the silent option isn't an option if you're the closest to them in case of a fall or illness or something.

This is why I've also asked people not to text me early in the morning. Although I just simply explained it to people, mostly they don't mind having a bit of consideration for me when asked.

cjt110 · 11/12/2018 16:34

She's being a miserable twat.

Mine is always on silent so I'm not disturbed if sleeping etc but among my friends, especially parent ones, it's the norm to message any time after 6am!

SummerOgilvy · 11/12/2018 16:36

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TeenTimesTwo · 11/12/2018 16:37

No one texts in an emergency (or if they do they are crazy as texts can get delayed.)
So landline, or a phone with controllable sound options.

Leeds2 · 11/12/2018 16:37

I wouldn't send a text at that time unless it was urgent.

But I do get them, and they don't bother me. If they disturbed me, I would put my phone on silent, or leave it in another room. I guess your friend may use her phone as an alarm, so can't do the above, but I don't really think you could reasonably be expected to know that.

I suspect you are well rid, and would let her strop.

CSIblonde · 11/12/2018 16:38

I'd probably wait til 9 ish as I'm rubbish in the morning & like peace until then & wouldn't want to disrupt someone's getting to work routine. But she can always have her phone on silent like I do if she's the same. She sounds hard work. Assess if she's worth it & move on if not.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 11/12/2018 16:39

OP a true friend would be happy for you regardless...true friends are just there for us day and night and nothing is a hassle...she doesnt sound much of a friend to me...dump her and dont look back!

frami · 11/12/2018 16:39

7.40 is not early, I am on a zero hours contract. I can be called at anytime from 6am onwards if they want me to work that day.

MarthasGinYard · 11/12/2018 16:40

It's a bit early a simple 'whoops sorry if I woke you' would have been better than you PA reply.

Oysterbabe · 11/12/2018 16:40

TeenTimesTwo is right, that's how these things go and the 2 sides will never agree.

For what it's worth, I'm in the 'it's fine to text at any time camp.' I think the other camp haven't quite caught up with modern technology and think of it like a phone call that demands immediate attention. I have friends all over the world. My friend in New Zealand shouldn't have to work out time zones before he sends me a message, he sends it when it suits him and I reply when it suits me.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/12/2018 16:40

Ywnbu to message at that time. But ywbu to escalate this into an argument. She was clearly pissed off. It takes two to argue and you bit back.

notacooldad · 11/12/2018 16:42

One if my mates is an early bird so will send messages from 05.00hrs but doesn't expect a reply until I'm up. I will send a message at home midnight knowing that I won't get an immediate reply.
Texting is just a message service. People aren't expected to reply immediately. Mostly my phone is on silent because I forget to put it back on after work meetings.

Your friend diesnt really like you or is a pain in the ass with the demands!