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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Messaged friends at 0740 this morning

512 replies

Idontlikecheesecake · 11/12/2018 16:15

We’re moving house and had an offer accepted yesterday so im very excited. I was looking through my phone when i woke up this morning and thought id told my friends in a group chat, but i hadnt so i sent them a message. It was 0740, a time when most people are getting up/already up getting ready for work or getting kids ready for school etc so I thought it was ok.

Only one friend had seen it and she sent me a message saying ‘couldnt you have sent this a bit later when we’re more awake?’ I joked that im on the night shift tonight so i could send a message at 3am, and then she actually had a go at me over messenger (she even swore) saying how she got kicked in the leg by a horse and wanted to have a lie in and it wasn’t the right time for her phone to be pinging all the time.

I just said I wasn’t to know she’d been injured, it was a reasonable time as lots of people are getting ready for work etc, and if she didnt want to be disturbed she shpuld have her phone on silent or whatever. To which she replied she doesn’t normally get messages at that time so why should she? She then removed herself from the group and sent a mutual friend a messaged saying i had annoyed her.

It just feels like a really petty and childish argument. To me it feels like she’s dictating to everyone else when we should be sending messages and shes speaking for them about what a reasonable time should be. And im annoyed that she had a go at me over something so petty

Its also not just this argument. Shes blamed me for stuff before. Like just after Christmas we were all going round a friends house for takeaway and she wanted to go put for a meal, and she didnt want to come because i had upset her. All i did was explain to her that we cant really afford to go out for a meal and a takeaway is easier because of childcare etc

She also often declines invites to do things or cancels at the last minute wih some crappy excus. And then when we don’t invite her, she’ll write a passive aggressive message like ‘gee thanks for the invite’

Shes a fairweather friend and im done with her. AIBU? Ive been fed up for a while but feel like this is the last straw

OP posts:
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5
Queenofmyownheart · 11/12/2018 17:46

Good lord our group chat starts pinging from any hour one of us is up with their kids. Whole point of having a support circle. Your mate sounds like a bit of a dick to me, do you want to join our group chat we would have been made up for you 👍🏻😂

Aridane · 11/12/2018 17:49

Congratulations on getting your offer accepted - fingers crossed it all goes ahead! (oh, and ignore your ‘friend’ - don’t let her take the shine off your news).

I get texts, emails st various hours. I ignore / don’t hear - but would hear an emergency phone call from family etc.

BlingLoving · 11/12/2018 17:49

@queenofmyownheart - I have fond memories of middle of night WhatsApp with NCT and other friends with small babies. Not sure how any of us would have coped if we were too scared to message each other....

Sparklingbrook · 11/12/2018 17:54

I am amazed anyone thinks 7.40am on a weekday is early, and 9am is the acceptable start time for communication. Also that people don't put their phones on silent or turn them off if they need their sleep.

Queenofmyownheart · 11/12/2018 17:54

@BlingLoving exactly! My group chat girls came from a bunch of mums at school who kinda felt they didn't fit in with anyone else. And honestly I've been through some proper shit, as has everyone else in our group and the support is unbelievable! From emergency please can someone grab the kids from school to worries about health/relationships etc. I love our group chat. Couldn't imagine my life without it! Last Friday the last message sent was 4:30 am Saturday morning 😂 we don't care, those of us who go to sleep simply silence it 👍🏻

ID81241 · 11/12/2018 17:55

With her reasoning when would be a good time to send a message? 9-5 obviously not good enough as she's working, 5-8 she's picking up the kids, having dinner & putting them to bed, 8-10 she's winding down for bed & can't deal with her phone going off?! YANBU and she's no friend and is looking for a reason to get annoyed. The Do Not Disturb and Silent modes on phones are there for this exact reason.

Miscible · 11/12/2018 17:58

You didn't need to send the text at 7.40, it could have waited perfectly easily; and you can't assume that all your friends will have their phones on silent. You're right that it's a petty argument, but that's because you didn't take the sensible option of just apologising and moving on.

IamSusan · 11/12/2018 17:59

People are idiots if they allow their phone to disturb them nowadays, there are so many settings to restrict everything, why not use them. Not everybody is in Central London with great connection at all time either, and the time a message of any kind is sent is not necessarily the time it is received!

that said, if someone is jokingly telling you it was too early, it's bloody rude to start an argument. Whatever you think, the right thing to do is to make some kind of apologies, not that passive aggressive I work night shift do you prefer 3am Hmm nonsense.

You are both wrong.

Dimsumlosesum · 11/12/2018 18:06

Oops, they'd hate me then. I've messaged at 5.30am a few times before, just assuming phones will be on silent. Ah well.

BoneyBackJefferson · 11/12/2018 18:07

IamSusan
People are idiots if they allow their phone to disturb them nowadays, there are so many settings to restrict everything, why not use them.

Equally people are idiots if they don't think, 'its X o'clock, do people really need to know now?'

BruegeITheEIder · 11/12/2018 18:09

Wonder about the silenced phones, I’ve got older parents and would be mortified if I missed them trying to contact me overnight

Any phone made in the last 5 or so years has settings that allow you to put certain numbers on silent and others not. My OH and parents are not on silent, but my friends are, since we are spread all over the world and regularly chat in a whatsapp group at all hours of the day/night.

superstarburst · 11/12/2018 18:10

YANBU it's not even that early and she should have had her phone on silent overnight or WhatsApp can be put on silent

BruegeITheEIder · 11/12/2018 18:10

Some people just have crappy friends, I guess. I never argue with mine, let alone swear at them and call them names. What's the point of having friends like that??

BlingLoving · 11/12/2018 18:13

Any phone made in the last 5 or so years has settings that allow you to put certain numbers on silent and others not.

Yy. because I am a natural worrier, I have all my family and in laws on my favourites list so they are excluded from the DND. That way I know I'll never miss that 2 am call about anyone. Annoys me that I'm silly about it but can't' help it. And would not blame any of them for texting me late at night.

TeenTimesTwo · 11/12/2018 18:14

My parents would contact us via the landline in an emergency at night time (or any time really).

Equally people are idiots if they don't think, 'its X o'clock, do people really need to know now?'

No they're not idiots. They are using the asynchronous contact facility - known as text.

Jeanclaudejackety · 11/12/2018 18:14

I don't get this, my friends and family love pretty 24 7 lives either nights as doctors and nurses, up at all hours with kids, living in different time zones or just really busy and up late, or party animal teen cousins etc who might message at 2am on a Friday. No one would ever say it's too early to send a WhatsApp. You don't want to be disturbed just turn your phone off or on silent. You can leave the ringer on for emergency phone calls. It's not like you rang her at 7.40. If one ping from a group chat woke her she couldn't have been in a deep sleep. A lot of people on this thread seem to be confusing a personal text with a group chat? Totally different things. Not everyone goes home at 5pm closes the curtains and beds down for the night, that's not how most of my friends and family operate anyway. My mum snap chatted me from asda at 4am this morning!

masterandmargarita · 11/12/2018 18:15

Why keep her phone in her bedroom if it disturbs her that much?

daffodillament · 11/12/2018 18:16

Holger What utter nonsense you speak !

Sparklingbrook · 11/12/2018 18:17

I have no idea where my DB is one week to the next, he could be anywhere in the world in any time zone. So I just text him.

TheBigFatMermaid · 11/12/2018 18:17

My phone is ALWAYS on silent. I I am awake, I will know someone is trying to contact me, if I am asleep, it does not disturb me!

I also would not have attitude if one of my friends contacted me with exciting news. I would be pleased for them!

FrustratedBeyond · 11/12/2018 18:19

Do you think she is jealous of your news?

Jeanclaudejackety · 11/12/2018 18:21

My best friend messaged me at about 1.30am once on a weekday saying could she face time. I woke up and she facetimed to say she was engaged (she was on holiday in different time zone). Imagine if I'd been like 'OMG I was asleep don't ever do that again'??!!!

itscalledwineflu · 11/12/2018 18:24

7.40 isn't too early but to her it was . I would of just said sorry and left it at that what was the point of arguing back , you upset her rightly or wrongly. My dm usually texts me as early as 3.30am sometimes. I turned sound notifications off she doesn't keep her phone next to her bed like most people so didn't realise.

mikado1 · 11/12/2018 18:25

People are responsible for it putting their own phones on silent if they don't want pings. End of thread ;)

BoneyBackJefferson · 11/12/2018 18:26

TeenTimesTwo

the use of big words just makes you seem more patronising.

There is nothing in the OP's text that couldn't wait

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