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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Messaged friends at 0740 this morning

512 replies

Idontlikecheesecake · 11/12/2018 16:15

We’re moving house and had an offer accepted yesterday so im very excited. I was looking through my phone when i woke up this morning and thought id told my friends in a group chat, but i hadnt so i sent them a message. It was 0740, a time when most people are getting up/already up getting ready for work or getting kids ready for school etc so I thought it was ok.

Only one friend had seen it and she sent me a message saying ‘couldnt you have sent this a bit later when we’re more awake?’ I joked that im on the night shift tonight so i could send a message at 3am, and then she actually had a go at me over messenger (she even swore) saying how she got kicked in the leg by a horse and wanted to have a lie in and it wasn’t the right time for her phone to be pinging all the time.

I just said I wasn’t to know she’d been injured, it was a reasonable time as lots of people are getting ready for work etc, and if she didnt want to be disturbed she shpuld have her phone on silent or whatever. To which she replied she doesn’t normally get messages at that time so why should she? She then removed herself from the group and sent a mutual friend a messaged saying i had annoyed her.

It just feels like a really petty and childish argument. To me it feels like she’s dictating to everyone else when we should be sending messages and shes speaking for them about what a reasonable time should be. And im annoyed that she had a go at me over something so petty

Its also not just this argument. Shes blamed me for stuff before. Like just after Christmas we were all going round a friends house for takeaway and she wanted to go put for a meal, and she didnt want to come because i had upset her. All i did was explain to her that we cant really afford to go out for a meal and a takeaway is easier because of childcare etc

She also often declines invites to do things or cancels at the last minute wih some crappy excus. And then when we don’t invite her, she’ll write a passive aggressive message like ‘gee thanks for the invite’

Shes a fairweather friend and im done with her. AIBU? Ive been fed up for a while but feel like this is the last straw

OP posts:
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M4J4 · 11/12/2018 16:57

She sounds jealous. She's not even a fairweather friend as she's not happy for you in your fairweather time. Sack her off.

AntMoon · 11/12/2018 16:57

@chuckanotherlogon

I never knew this was a thing. I feel mortified that I've often sent texts and emails in the middle of the night if I can't sleep. I just presumed that everyone has their phones on silent or switched off at night like I do.

Ditto Blush seems obvious now that that may not be the case. Definitely going to think twice now...

greenpop21 · 11/12/2018 16:58

I don't avoid sending texts at any time because they can be read when convenient. Who goes to bed with their phone on AND in earshot?

79andnotout · 11/12/2018 17:00

YANBU. Learn to set your phone up properly if you don't want to be disturbed. There are different setting for emergency calls/specific numbers, etc.

It sounds like she just doesn't like you, to be honest. Might be time to terminate the friendship.

79andnotout · 11/12/2018 17:00

PS congrats on the house

TeenTimesTwo · 11/12/2018 17:02

green Apparently all the type B people I listed above.

I do find it unbelievable though. To me the whole point of texts is you send them when convenient to you and the recipient looks at and replies when convenient to them. For people to have a phone ON that RINGS in the middle of the night when a text comes through is just CRAZY.
If you need your phone on for phone calls, then buy a phone that lets you separately mute texts.

BlingLoving · 11/12/2018 17:04

First, 7:40 is NOT early on a week day, especially for a text. Secondly, the DND function is pretty damn marvellous and it's weird that people don't use it. Third, if your friend had that attitude in my broader circle she'd be out of touch with pretty much every parent at our school - the whatsapp's start at about 7 whenever it's mufti/christmas collection/fair/concert/special assembly/whatever day.

But beyond this one instance, she clearly doesn't like you and is being a bith. COnveneitly, she's removing herself from the group rather than trying to have you ostracised so I'd ignore her.

yumyumpoppycat · 11/12/2018 17:04

yanbu I don't think 7:40 on a weekday is anti social - in general I would avoid texting late at night though.

greenpop21 · 11/12/2018 17:06

A huge amount of people are at work or on the way to work at 7.40 according to the traffic on my route to work.

theworldistoosmall · 11/12/2018 17:07

7:40 about some mundane house bollocks?
Really too early.
Not everyone is getting up/already up at the time.
I have most apps on silent, but some like Whatsapp and a few others I don't for various reasons.

AlpacaLypse · 11/12/2018 17:09

Even comparatively old smart phones have Do Not Disturb available and pretty easily set up. I don't tend to send texts in the middle of the night - but that's because I tend to be asleep myself! There are usually two or three waiting for me when the system comes back on at 7 a.m. It takes about three keystrokes to change the time it operates in if I fancy a lie-in.

Meanwhile more importantly this friend seems to think the world revolves around her. It doesn't.

theworldistoosmall · 11/12/2018 17:09

And I knew there was another reason why I never bought into the school parent friendship crap. Reminders about mundane school shit that I could easily add to a calendar and set up my own reminders.

DoingMyBest2010 · 11/12/2018 17:10

She sounds like a precious princess brat.

lololove · 11/12/2018 17:10

I had a 7.10am whatsapp this morning and responded when I was awake later - it's no bother at all. My phone is on silent unless I'm out the house usually.

HappyEverIftar · 11/12/2018 17:10

As pp have said, she doesn't sound like much of a friend. Time to let this friendship fade away.

I'm in a different time zone and text when I want to, I know my friends and family would put their phones on silent if they didn't want to be disturbed. Likewise, I wake up to messages which have arrived overnight and because my phone was on silent I wasn't disturbed.

ChristmassyContessaConSparkles · 11/12/2018 17:10

She's being an arse. Ignore.

lanbro · 11/12/2018 17:11

I have my phone on silent when I'm in bed...I do often respond to texts as soon as I wake at 6am, presuming others keep it on silent, but maybe I'm pissing off all my friends too Grin

adaline · 11/12/2018 17:13

If you don't want to be woken up at 7.40am, put your phone on silent!

Purpleartichoke · 11/12/2018 17:13

When I want a lie in, I put my phone on do not disturb. The only messages that break through that by default are from my husband and daughter.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 11/12/2018 17:14

It rarely happens to me but if people do message me during getting-ready time, I often miss the message as I'm either walking the dog, in the bath, getting dressed etc. Back in the summer, a group chat started up at about 11pm and was binging backwards and forwards as the other eight members got into their stride.

Trouble is, I was in a country three hours ahead so it was 2.00am and I had to be up at 4.00am to catch a flight. Because I had to be up so early I'd already struggled to get to sleep in the first place. I was climbing the bloody walls with every bing! Eventually I discovered how to mute conversations. Bliss!

(To be honest, I'd have been a bit pissed off had I been at home as it was a "schooI night" and I can't tell you how tempted I was to start replying once I got up when it was 1.00am at home... )

GhostsToMonsoon · 11/12/2018 17:14

She should have put her phone on silent/do not disturb. You can still allow messages and calls from certain people to come through (e.g. elderly parents or teenagers).

EnglishRose13 · 11/12/2018 17:16

She's jealous.

BehemothPullsThePeasantsPlough · 11/12/2018 17:17

7:40am on a week day is not too early for a text, though if you’d expected an immediate considered response you’d have been unreasonable. It would have been absolutely fine if she hadn’t had that freak accident the day before.

Mind you, were you sympathetic? There’s no mention of “Oh no, how awful, how are you, how long will it take to recover?” in your conversation. That would have gone a long way to smooth over the cracks.

SassitudeandSparkle · 11/12/2018 17:17

I don't take my phone to bed tbh, but I do get a 'help' text from my dad's mobile phone occasionally - thankfully he's always pressed the wrong button so far but it's set to fire off that text to four people so we ring him back to see what the problem is!

I got a text after 11.00pm last week, I was a bit miffed tbh. It wasn't anything urgent and the person could have waited. I think she realised herself because she apologised without me saying anything - I think you offering an apology if your 'friend' (I use that term cautiously here) wasn't pleased would have shut it down. It does come across very strongly that you don't like her, but there's no need to pick at everything she says! Just avoid her in future.

bonniebanks · 11/12/2018 17:17

I agree with Englishrose she is jealous