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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Messaged friends at 0740 this morning

512 replies

Idontlikecheesecake · 11/12/2018 16:15

We’re moving house and had an offer accepted yesterday so im very excited. I was looking through my phone when i woke up this morning and thought id told my friends in a group chat, but i hadnt so i sent them a message. It was 0740, a time when most people are getting up/already up getting ready for work or getting kids ready for school etc so I thought it was ok.

Only one friend had seen it and she sent me a message saying ‘couldnt you have sent this a bit later when we’re more awake?’ I joked that im on the night shift tonight so i could send a message at 3am, and then she actually had a go at me over messenger (she even swore) saying how she got kicked in the leg by a horse and wanted to have a lie in and it wasn’t the right time for her phone to be pinging all the time.

I just said I wasn’t to know she’d been injured, it was a reasonable time as lots of people are getting ready for work etc, and if she didnt want to be disturbed she shpuld have her phone on silent or whatever. To which she replied she doesn’t normally get messages at that time so why should she? She then removed herself from the group and sent a mutual friend a messaged saying i had annoyed her.

It just feels like a really petty and childish argument. To me it feels like she’s dictating to everyone else when we should be sending messages and shes speaking for them about what a reasonable time should be. And im annoyed that she had a go at me over something so petty

Its also not just this argument. Shes blamed me for stuff before. Like just after Christmas we were all going round a friends house for takeaway and she wanted to go put for a meal, and she didnt want to come because i had upset her. All i did was explain to her that we cant really afford to go out for a meal and a takeaway is easier because of childcare etc

She also often declines invites to do things or cancels at the last minute wih some crappy excus. And then when we don’t invite her, she’ll write a passive aggressive message like ‘gee thanks for the invite’

Shes a fairweather friend and im done with her. AIBU? Ive been fed up for a while but feel like this is the last straw

OP posts:
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5
acegod · 12/12/2018 19:46

To be honest you shouldn't be texting that time it's too early I don't bother anyone before 9am and after 10pm unless someone has died.

MagnificentSevenHeaven · 12/12/2018 19:47

I tell you what is annoying though.

The people with "amusing" notifications that don't silence their phones in the office....

HollyWollyDooDah · 12/12/2018 20:15

But surely if you want a lie in you put your phone on silent or switch off?
Jeez I’m up washed dressed with 3 horses, 2 dogs and 1 child fed by 7:30!
I may not read messages as they come through but I would make a point of catching up when I’m done doing life stuff
I’m known for sending messages at weird times primarily because I send them when I think about them so I dont forget

cheval · 12/12/2018 20:18

I leave phone on in case emergency etc. One of adult child’s friend’s pocketed called me at 2.30am last night. Went into panic mode thinking it was him. Finally realised mistake by him. Then wide awake til 5am. Not good.

Pigflewpast · 12/12/2018 20:20

I used to put mine on dnd with my favourites able to still phone, until my student dd pointed out if she was in trouble it would be probably be the hospital/police or friend calling. Likewise my 85yr old DM. So now I leave it on, and sleep through any ‘pings’. I don’t have a landline

HMBB · 12/12/2018 20:27

Not too early in the week but had it been weekend I wouldn't have been too impressed (Dd is just starting to get up and watch tv at weekends without us til about 8ish and I love it!)

CountryGirl1234 · 12/12/2018 20:30

What a ridiculous person she is. It’s not too early. Put your phone on silent silly woman, like you said I think I’d ditch her too. I have 3 horses two dogs and a new baby. If I can’t be dealing with messages I put my phone on silent. If I’m sleeping in it’s on aeroplane. Or I mute the conversation if I need my phone on. It wouldn’t matter what happened with any of my bunch if I fail to mute my phone that’s my issue not the person messaging at a perfectly reasonable hour. Ps. Her horse is s good judge of character.

GrumpyMummy123 · 12/12/2018 20:30

I just don't get people getting annoyed with the person that sent the message.
I've friends/ relatives who work unusual hours, party animals, have new babies, live overseas, are just lonely, suffering depression etc. It's not unusual to get messages any time of day or night. I care about them, they can message me whenever they like!
I keep my phone on silent 'priority only' mode or complete silence or turn off when I don't want it to disturb me.
Just like I'd turn off the ringers of the house phone and unplug the doorbell when DS was a baby and any opportunity to sleep was precious.
But I don't expect the rest of the world to revolve around me!!! It's my issue that I don't want to be disturbed - not theirs.

athomson89 · 12/12/2018 20:31

7:40 is a reasonable time to send a message, she should have put her phone on silent if she didn't want to be disturbed. Me and my friends will message at that time and earlier because everyone knows if u want a lie in then surely the sound will be off. She sounds like a right horror, not a friend, I would have nothing more to do with her, obvs u have the same circle of friends so just be civil on nights out etc, but I would delete her number and not contact her privately anymore. You don't need that sort of negativity.

Justtrying · 12/12/2018 20:34

As a shift worker I have what’s app on silent as the school mums text as and when.

I try never to message outside 7am to 9pm. Some times I’m up at 3am, asleep by 8pm( ideally) or trying to sleep to 11am and working until midnight or later. I try and think about normal peoples sleep patterns.

I use my phone as my alarm and won’t use dnd after school couldn’t get in touch when dd was ill. ( Please don’t get me started on why I always called and not dh, despite dd knowing when I’m at work so unlikely able to help, probably at least 500miles away,)

Damsel · 12/12/2018 20:45

Lots of issues there I imagine.

Seems to be constantly looking for a reason or excuse to vent her anger as if it’s an entitlement, including this situation.

You would definitely be better off without having those levels of negative energy in your life. Feel very sorry for her partner & kids or anyone living with her.

BeatriceBee · 12/12/2018 20:58

It's her mistake, if she doesn't want messages at that time of day she should put her mobile on dnd!

MummyofTw0 · 12/12/2018 21:04

It sounds like she’s just picking a fight

To me I get the impression she doesn’t like you very much

She sounds like a cow bag. Ditch her and find some nice friends x

TheGirlWithAllTheFeathers · 12/12/2018 21:18

Too early. People have a lot to do at that time. And it can be bad news too. Not before 9am.

Tistheseason17 · 12/12/2018 21:24

YANBU
She needs to learn to use her phone!

Icanttakemuchmore · 12/12/2018 21:33

Good grief you don't need her as a friend. Give her a wide berth from now on. I send texts to my dds at whatever time and they me. But we all have dnd enabled unless it's important and their call will come though after two attempts. Sending texts, we don't get disturbed until we want to be disturbed!
Your 'friend' sounds awful. Better off without friends like that imo.

mrst3 · 12/12/2018 21:39

Shed frickin hate me i message anytime after 7am through to midnight ha ha early in morning and late at night is the time i have to myself

pollymere · 12/12/2018 22:20

Never contact any one before 8am unless it's an emergency. Good manners. End of.

WinterfellWench · 12/12/2018 22:39

I can't believe the (few) posters on here saying 'no-one I know has a landline.' Pretty bizarre seeing as over two thirds of UK households have one, and so do most businesses!

I bet these are the same people who think online dating is the ONLY way you can POSSIBLY meet a man..... 😂😂

Teagoanngoanngoann · 12/12/2018 22:40

Congrats on your new house!
20 to 8 on a week day is not unacceptable to recieve a message
Anyone who keeps notifications running 24/7 deserves to be disturbed
She is a crappy friend and a huge drama queen
She sounds like shes looking for an excuse to stop being friends with you after pasts dramas
She has used it as an excuse to overshadow your good news to the rest of the group by being dramatic and causing a scene.
Be glad shes gone. Concentrate on friends who have wished you well, know how to use technology properly, and arent self centered. Enjoy your new house xx

Lizzie48 · 12/12/2018 22:45

I really don't think the OP is coming back, which is a pity as it means we'll never know how the meeting went and what it was about.

Owletty · 12/12/2018 22:45

Isn't an email or text to be sent at the senders convenience and read at the recipients convenience.

Friend should mute her phone if disturbed.

confusedat30 · 12/12/2018 22:53

This is WHY you have a do not disturb option on your phone, if you set it to come on at certain times eg 9pm-7am then only messages and phone calls from the people on your favourites list eg family/close friends will come through. Simple. Did your other friends in the group chat think it was unreasonable to send at that time??

Halo84 · 12/12/2018 23:00

I never send messages or call people before 10 am or after 9:30 pm. That applies to both business and personal calls. If someone calls me, I will answer them.

DiegoVelazquez · 12/12/2018 23:05

I can't believe the (few) posters on here saying 'no-one I know has a landline.' Pretty bizarre seeing as over two thirds of UK households have one, and so do most businesses!

I assume people are talking about homes, not businesses. And as mentioned before, a fair proportion of those landlines in the 2/3 of households will be installed for internet purposes and not actually used for a phone.

The 2/3 will also be heavily weighted toward older generations, so it's quite conceivable that younger people won't know anyone their age with a landline.