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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Messaged friends at 0740 this morning

512 replies

Idontlikecheesecake · 11/12/2018 16:15

We’re moving house and had an offer accepted yesterday so im very excited. I was looking through my phone when i woke up this morning and thought id told my friends in a group chat, but i hadnt so i sent them a message. It was 0740, a time when most people are getting up/already up getting ready for work or getting kids ready for school etc so I thought it was ok.

Only one friend had seen it and she sent me a message saying ‘couldnt you have sent this a bit later when we’re more awake?’ I joked that im on the night shift tonight so i could send a message at 3am, and then she actually had a go at me over messenger (she even swore) saying how she got kicked in the leg by a horse and wanted to have a lie in and it wasn’t the right time for her phone to be pinging all the time.

I just said I wasn’t to know she’d been injured, it was a reasonable time as lots of people are getting ready for work etc, and if she didnt want to be disturbed she shpuld have her phone on silent or whatever. To which she replied she doesn’t normally get messages at that time so why should she? She then removed herself from the group and sent a mutual friend a messaged saying i had annoyed her.

It just feels like a really petty and childish argument. To me it feels like she’s dictating to everyone else when we should be sending messages and shes speaking for them about what a reasonable time should be. And im annoyed that she had a go at me over something so petty

Its also not just this argument. Shes blamed me for stuff before. Like just after Christmas we were all going round a friends house for takeaway and she wanted to go put for a meal, and she didnt want to come because i had upset her. All i did was explain to her that we cant really afford to go out for a meal and a takeaway is easier because of childcare etc

She also often declines invites to do things or cancels at the last minute wih some crappy excus. And then when we don’t invite her, she’ll write a passive aggressive message like ‘gee thanks for the invite’

Shes a fairweather friend and im done with her. AIBU? Ive been fed up for a while but feel like this is the last straw

OP posts:
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5
masterandmargarita · 12/12/2018 12:19

So land lines aren't so common now but even when they were they were rarely next to the bed. I just don't see understand this obsession with having to have your mobile phone next to your bed.

Lydiaatthebarre · 12/12/2018 12:20

It's a bit early to be sending a non essential text like that. I would have waited an hour or so. I do think you were being thoughtless. However your friend's reaction was OTT.

I don't have a landline so I keep my phone on in case there's some kind of emergency and my family need to reach me. It's all very well saying you can select names to be allowed call, but what if it's a hospital or the police or something like that?

People should use a bit of common sense when sending texts. If it's not important wait until a time when you can be sure the person will be awake and out of bed.

Magpiefeather · 12/12/2018 12:21

Phone settings are a wonderful thing. On night time mode I have mine so that if someone calls more than twice in a row it rings out loud, otherwise it’s completely muted, no vibrations or sounds.

Can’t actually remember where that setting is but it solves the problem!

Magpiefeather · 12/12/2018 12:23

Ah I have found the setting. Very easy, In Do Not Disturb on iPhone. You can even select certain contacts to allow calls through from (elderly parents for instance)

Birdsgottafly · 12/12/2018 12:24

"just don't see understand this obsession with having to have your mobile phone next to your bed."

Most people don't buy a separate alarm and just use their phone.

I leave mine on because if I wake up to go the toilet, I like to check what time it is.

I think a quick apology would have been better all round.

Lydiaatthebarre · 12/12/2018 12:25

"It's not early - I was already at work!"

I was still in bed, as would be a lot of people. The fact that you go to work quite early doesn't mean it's okay to text people at those times.

TeenTimesTwo · 12/12/2018 12:26

explodingkitten

I live in the Netherlands, I couldn't tell you one area with a low signal, so either they aren't there or I don't know anyone who is ever there.

I suspect that is due to the geography of the Netherlands compared with the UK. The Netherlands is much flatter, without so many hills, mountains and valleys as the UK.

Lydiaatthebarre · 12/12/2018 12:27

"So land lines aren't so common now but even when they were they were rarely next to the bed. I just don't see understand this obsession with having to have your mobile phone next to your bed."

No, but a landline ringing from downstairs can be heard upstairs. A mobile phone ringing in the kitchen is unlikely to be heard in the bedroom so people without a landline who are worried about missing an urgent night time call will keep their phone by the bed.

Lizzie48 · 12/12/2018 12:29

@DiegoVelazquez

I actually would like to only use mobiles, but with our provider a BT landline is required in order to access Broadband. So we're sort of stuck with it unless we change provider, which could well be worth it from what people are saying on here.

I got sick of all the nuisance calls to our landline, so we only use it for outgoing calls now, which has been great! (And the other benefit is that MIL can't ring us over and over again until we pick up, or call us on it too early!) It's useful for the moment to have it for outgoing calls, though, and there's a message facility.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 12/12/2018 12:31

Jesus this again?

A text is like an email. If you can turn off notifications for emails then you can do it for texts. Put your phone on nighttime mode so you don’t get disturbed.

What happened to a call/text/email isn’t a summons?

YANBU OP.

TeenTimesTwo · 12/12/2018 12:32

Most people don't buy a separate alarm and just use their phone.

Alarm clocks cost peanuts compared with running a mobile phone.
People not bothering to have an alarm clock is not a good reason to not What's App them at 7:40am.

But as I said way, way, upthread, people split into two opposite camps on this and both sides are totally convinced they are right. This thread won't change anything.

DiegoVelazquez · 12/12/2018 12:33

I don't have a landline so I keep my phone on in case there's some kind of emergency and my family need to reach me. It's all very well saying you can select names to be allowed call, but what if it's a hospital or the police or something like that?

I have all calls set to ring. All messages and emails set to silent. Works for me. People often message in the night but nobody ever calls in the night, except for emergencies.

Lizzie48 · 12/12/2018 12:42

I think we can all agree that telephone calls before say 8:30am are rude, unless urgent. My MIL has been known to call us before 8am on a Saturday morning, which irritates me no end. That's because a telephone call, especially to a landline, is always going to disturb the person you're calling.

Text messages don't bother me in the same way, as I can just ignore them.

thesepretzelsaremakingmehungry · 12/12/2018 12:56

I put my phone on night mode and sleep like a baby. I often get texts at random times telling me I've been selected for a trip to the Bahamas or I've won an Apple computer, I prefer to be notified of my winnings at my leisure.

She sounds like hard work. I'd be done too.

thesepretzelsaremakingmehungry · 12/12/2018 12:58

My Do Not Disturb feature is set to 'a second call from the same person within three minutes will not be silenced.'

MilkyCuppa · 12/12/2018 13:19

with our provider a BT landline is required in order to access Broadband. So we're sort of stuck with it

@Lizzie48 You don’t have to plug a phone handset into it though? You can have a landline and just have your broadband router plugged in?

bonbonours · 12/12/2018 13:23

Usernumbers you could silence texts and other notifications but have calls ring o on the basis nobody will ring in the night unless it's urgent. Alternatively that is the only reason I keep a landline. Mobiles live downstairs, emergency in the night would mean a landline call.

MagnificentSevenHeaven · 12/12/2018 15:27

I've got a friend who works night shifts as a nurse a will message at any time of the night, I find this disrespectful.

How very dare she!!

You must tell her that you treat each message as if were from the Queen directly and leap out of bed, salute and say "Morning Ma'am" immediately upon receipt!

MagnificentSevenHeaven · 12/12/2018 15:28

I prefer to be notified of my winnings at my leisure.

It's the Nigerian Princes that get me - they don't give a hoot what time it is in the UK, they're so desperate to offload their millions... Grin

pandarific · 12/12/2018 15:37

Ooh she is JEALOUS. And emotionally, about 14 years old. Good riddance, she's a twat!

Congrats on the house!

DiegoVelazquez · 12/12/2018 16:04

It's the Nigerian Princes that get me - they don't give a hoot what time it is in the UK, they're so desperate to offload their millions

Right? I would have fronted him the money for the transfer fees and all that if he had waited until after 9am to email me.

Ilikeknitting · 12/12/2018 17:26

If she insists on having her phone next to her 24/7 that’s not your fault.

7.40 isn’t unreasonably early for a text. (I’m retired, I don’t take my phone to bed because I’m not stupid) I’d grumble at a phone call on the landline if it was early but, if I want to sleep late i unplug the phone

lloydee1983 · 12/12/2018 17:31

She's petty, me and my friends texts all hours. Never been a problem.
Probably just jealous about the move.

mumda · 12/12/2018 17:34

People need to learn to control technology and not let it control them. My phone isn't allowed to make a noise during the hours I normally sleep. I am quite frequently woken by work related calls though - once as late as 10am. The person apologised profusely and offered to ring me back, but I said no, I'm awake now.

I do work for myself and so if I answer the phone with my sleepy head on it's up to me.

Kingston74 · 12/12/2018 17:35

Your friend has got an attitude problem. She shouldn’t have taken her misfortune out on you. She’s not a proper friend. She needs to apologise to you. Otherwise, you are better off without friends like her.