to expect my ex to have dd for alternate weekends.

[twinsetandpearls]

He currenty sees dd when he feels like it which is currently about one day a month. DD wants to see her dad more and as he does not pay any maintenance ( which is fine I don;t want or need it) I think he can contribute in other ways such as giving dp and I time to recover at the weekend from very tiring jobs which we need to do to support dd.

I asked him today to start increasing his accees and he was very non commital and his girlfriend ahd a whinge, can I see a solicitor to get access defined.

My ex is planning to emigrate and has not even had the courtesy to speak to his own son about it yet. I can't legally oblige him to either.

Sorry. Its your life and your situation at the end of the day and you'll do whats best

Can they make him see her?

Because dd wants to see her father and for all his faults he does love her and although they may not do a lot together as his money is limited she does enjoy going there and he enjoys spending time with her. From what I can see the problem at the moment is his girldfriend and that if I was to go to a solicitor that would enable him to stand up to his girlfriend and say actually I have to see dd.

It is also about regulalrity, if he only wants to see dd once a month that is his choice and we would live with it but at least we would all know where we stand

His girlfriend doesn't want her there because?

sorry i was trying to demonstrate how unfair the system is, in that he could break the aggreement and it would be fine but you would be foreced back to court if you broke it

You can sort out access with a solicitor but the onus would still be on your ex to maintain that access. Courts would only get involved if you denied him access.

paulaplumpbottom the girlfriend says she has a baby of her own and has to go to work so she has to think verycarefully before allowing dd to spend more time with dp.

with her dp, my ex.

rantinghousewife so what would happen if he did not keep his access arrangements.

why would you want her there stuck with him the whole weekend with maybe a trip to the supermarket?, i would rather she stayed with me it it was my dd,

you dont want dd to be unhappy going there,
the one day contact may be enough for her

What on earth does she have to think about??? A mother should know that a child needs a father. Thats crap. Is her baby his?

Because they used to do more together and I knowing dd skills at nagging and pursuasion I think that he would do more with her if they had more time together. They used to do a lot togther when he had regular access and he could plan things.

I'm pretty sure that the courts wouldn't get involved if he didn't turn up at least they never used t. TBh I would contact a solicitor and see what they would say. They could give you up to date info about the law as it currently stands.

yes it is their baby togther.,

And you would have to get him to agree to the access arrangements to begin with.

Even though they do not do a lot together at the moment dd is very happy going there and justhaving time with her dad, she is a child who can entertain herself at home and she loves spending time with her new brother.

Really tricky. I know someone who has a son aged 11 who never sees his dad despite wanting to because the dad doesn't want anything to do with the son. Really sad but if they're like that, you can't force them to change. Fingers crossed you can get your ex to understand that his daughter would actually like to spend more time with him.

If he did not keep to his access arrangements then the only real option open to you is the "more regularly or nothing route" I am afraid.

The Court's are ususally faced with fathers (or sometimes mothers) who are trying to have MORE regular contact!

Thats shocking! Maybe she is just jealous. Men can be so weak

Looks like the new girlfriend with the PFB is the spanner in the relationship between your ex-partner and your daughter.

If they used to have fun together and more regular access then I think you have hope that it can happen again. It might be worth talking it over with your ex-partner while his girlfriend isn't there. Tell him that it's your daughter who would like a more substantial relationship, and that more time together would benefit them both. You're not trying to push his new child out of the equation after all, just trying to make sure he and his other child also get a fair chance at a good parent/child relationship too.

Agnes

But the whole point is that my ex does love his daughter and he does enjoy spending time with her but not often enough.

Just a thought but, do they have a mediation service in your area, they could help deal with issues like this and if your ex really does care, it may help him to see things more clearly.

Maybe explain to her that having a big sister would be a wonderful thing for the baby

i tried to get a contact order recently, but couldnt as the father is the only one that can apply for a contact order, and the only way to get him to do it would be to stop contact so he is then forcced to apply for it or not if that is what he choses,

i wouldnt stop contact so we have just carried on all on his terms, something in the system is not right