to expect my ex to have dd for alternate weekends.

[twinsetandpearls]

He currenty sees dd when he feels like it which is currently about one day a month. DD wants to see her dad more and as he does not pay any maintenance ( which is fine I don;t want or need it) I think he can contribute in other ways such as giving dp and I time to recover at the weekend from very tiring jobs which we need to do to support dd.

I asked him today to start increasing his accees and he was very non commital and his girlfriend ahd a whinge, can I see a solicitor to get access defined.

You can see a solicitor and ask for access to be sorted out, but I'm not sure there's any way you can actually force the man to see his daughter.

I feel for your daughter, for her sake I hope your ex-partner grows up and gets on with being a parent.

Agnes

I know I can't force him but I wondered if a solicitors letter may make him realise that he is being unreasonable.

It may also wind him up and push him further away. How old is your DD?

i wish i could do this to ex has her one afternoon a week, so i dont really get a break from it all,

think it could be arranged but he wouldnt have to stick to it,
although if it was in place and you stopped him having her, then that wouldnt be ok and it would be taken back to court

I have never stopped him from seeing dd and so I can't imagine why we would break the agreement. I have just been trying for years to get him to agree to regular access and he never does.

Why don't you speak to him and tell him that his DD wants to see him more and that although you're happy with the access arrangements, she isn't and would he be willing to do either alternate weekends or a long weekend every three weeks or something like that. Turn it around so that it doesn't look as though you are the one requesting this or making the suggestions but that it is DD requesting and him making the final decision out of a number of options - hoping he picks the right one.

My experience in this position is that unfortunately you can't get them to change their minds.

I used to get really worked up about ex not seeing ds enough and tried to get him to see him more often.

It made no difference at all, except to really stress me out.

Ds now 13 and is not that keen on going to his dad's as he has a social life here, and ex lives in another city

Why did his GF whinge?

Thatis exactly what I said to him tonight and I got a very vague rather pissed of non commital response.

Because they have a baby of their own and she has just returned to a part time job. Neither of which in my view should affect my dd access to her father.

How long does he see her on the one day? Does he take her out or what?

The less people see of their children the more they get used to it really, so for many selfish people, extra time is not something they tend to want to commit to. Obviously not all people are like this.

He does nothing with her, we drop dd off in the morning and collect her at six, if we did not do the dropping off and picking up he would not see dd at all.

Unfortunately, if he doesn't want to have access more often I don't think there's a way you can legally force him. Ds's dad sees him twice a year despite my pleas to him that ds would p'haps like to see him more often. Ds (now a teen) less bothered about it now but, it has been hard on him in the past.

well I want him to stop getting used to it,

So she just sits at his house all day?

But i think he only acts like this because we have allowed it, if I were to be able to say to him you see dd every other weekend or not at all he might change his ways.

yes or sometimes she gets to go to the supermarket,

It doesn't sound hopeful does it?

but if legally he had to see dd every other weekend he would do.

Yes i see your point, in an ideal world I wouldn't have wanted my child to get to the age of 13 and suddenly realise that his dad is a no good shit who doesn't care either. Unfortunately there are very few options for people in our position.

That may backfire on you and he may choose the easy option of not at all.

I know he loves dd and would not choose the not at all option

Do you really want to legally force him to do it. What gain is that? DD could grow up thinking that her father was forced to see her, he would begrudge seeing her? I don't think this is a route you should take tbh.