to expect my ex to have dd for alternate weekends.

[twinsetandpearls]

He currenty sees dd when he feels like it which is currently about one day a month. DD wants to see her dad more and as he does not pay any maintenance ( which is fine I don;t want or need it) I think he can contribute in other ways such as giving dp and I time to recover at the weekend from very tiring jobs which we need to do to support dd.

I asked him today to start increasing his accees and he was very non commital and his girlfriend ahd a whinge, can I see a solicitor to get access defined.

Yes, I think both you and the children do come to accept the situation, can't say I understand it tho'.
For my part, I am extremely grateful that the ex's parents play an active part in ds's life, so that he does have someone else (other than my family) that he has a blood-link to. Makes it easier on ds too.

Of course he should want to see more of his daughter. Of course he is wrong not to want to agree to alternate weekends, but that's not the point here really. You cannot force him to see more of her. No court can make a man spend time with his children.
If you want to issue an ultimatum, then YOU can do that - ie see her two weekends a month or not at all, and then he will have to apply to the courts for regular access, but the risk is, he will take offence, his girlfriend will back him, and you might end up with his not seeing his dd at all.
You could ask a solicitor to write a letter saying you wish to establish formal contact of, say Sat 10am to Sun 6pm on alternate weekends beginning on X date, but you have no legal means of making him either agree to it or stick to it.
It might piss him off (unreasonably, but it might). You know him better than any of us.
But it might make him think seriously about what is reasonable - it's up to you.

I think from what I've heard, it's a fairly common phenomenon that a man will sort of 'cut off' his ex-family once he has a new life with someone else.

My DS1's dad did this, his now-wife has 3 kids, and he hasn't seen DS1 since about 3 years ago despite my asking him many times by phone message, and him saying a few times that he would arrange it when he was 'settled'.

I think the conflict between the new life and the old life is just too much for the poor things to cope with

Poor DD. I'm so sorry for her.

Also new girlfriends are pretty notorious for wanting their man to cut off contact with his other kids...they want him all to themselves iyswim. Not all, but some are of that mindset.

I have a feeling my DS1's dad was a bit persuaded by the new woman not to see him, as apparently she is a cow to his other daughter. I think she's jealous

But what woman in her right mind would want a man who was prepared and able to cut his children out of his life?

Anna: a woman who is an utter monogamy maniac, who doesn't want to think of her partner ever having looked at another woman. That's the sort who would pressure a man to have no contact with his children from past relationships.
Luckily silly bitches like that are not very common.

You are describing a woman who is not in her right mind IMO . And a woman with such strong feelings ought not to get involved with a man with a past...

sorry I have not replied as I have been very busy at work, I am still waiting for my ex to get back to me about dd.