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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Presents for MIL - AIBU or is she a CF?

164 replies

CouldIBeAnymoreHungry · 10/12/2018 10:36

MIL shops at Aldi & is proud to admit that she uses all their beauty products. Handwash, handcream, moisturisers etc. However when she gives us her present list suddenly her taste becomes a little more expensive. Branded products that cost alot more, hair products that you can only get in salon. She is semi retired & well off whereas we have one income & live month to month. I'm feeling resentful as I buy myself cheap products but then find myself spending far more on her because we feel we should buy what she's asked for. When I lost my job my parents told us to stop buying for them so we could save money whereas MIL continues to hand over her lists of gift ideas.

AIBU to ignore her list & buy Aldi stuff I know she likes or is she being a CF? Or do other people take the opportunity at Christmas (& Birthdays) to ask for stuff they wouldn't normally buy themselves?

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/12/2018 10:40

Weĺl generaĺly I think people like to have something a bit more special as a gift than they may buy day to day. I dont see that as cheeky. However I wouldn't expect somebody to break their budget to do that for me.

SaucyJack · 10/12/2018 10:41

I don’t think she’s BU to ask for luxuries if you’ve asked her for a Christmas list.

A 79p tube of Aldi handcream isn’t a Christmas present. There’s no point buying someone something they’ve probably got 3 of stocked in the bathroom cabinet already.

Is she pressurising you to get everything on the list? That is out of order if she is.

PurpleDaisies · 10/12/2018 10:42

Just buy her less of the expensive stuff. Most people like a treat for Christmas.

Or if money is too tight, say you’re not doing presents this year.

Rarfy · 10/12/2018 10:43

Christmas is the time i get things i would never in a million years buy because i cant afford it so i will get a fancy perfume some expensive hair treatment etc. I would never buy throughout the year though.

Either way i would have a set budget for mils present and work within that.

Looking4wards · 10/12/2018 10:43

It's not cheeky to want gifts to be a posher brand of something you'd use day to day. But it is v v cheeky to expect someone to buy things when they can't afford it. I'd ignore her lists and get something within your budget.

Holidayshopping · 10/12/2018 10:44

Just buy her less of the expensive stuff. Most people like a treat for Christmas

This

fuzzywuzzy · 10/12/2018 10:44

I’d buy her something completely different which she’s not asked for.

Have a think of what she needs and go crazy in the Aldi random shot aisle.

I would definitely not be breaking my budget for gift giving.

Alternatively give a gift voucher for a brand MIL has listed in her gift list but only up to whatever amount you can comfortably afford.

Gift giving should not put you in financial difficulty.

Piffle11 · 10/12/2018 10:44

You don't buy for your parents, so why continue to buy for MIL? If money is tight then tell her no gifts for her or yourselves. Might be too late this year, so tell her for next year. You don't have to go to Aldi - I wouldn't buy her something that she may already have in her cupboard - but lots of the stores are doing sales right now: I just got some little gift sets in M&S which are lovely and were under a tenner.

cadburysflake · 10/12/2018 10:44

If you can't afford it just say so. Just buy within your price range and stop accepting lists of what she'd like. To be honest I don't get this whole handing over lists thing whether you can afford it or not, it just seems cheeky.

Fishandthechips · 10/12/2018 10:45

Tbh its not exactly an exciting gift if you just purchase what she already buys herself during her weekly food shop. A lot of people use recieving Christmas presents as a chance to get something more luxurious that they wouldnt buy themselves.
Your bigger problem is that she doesnt understand that the gifts are not in your budget regardless of what they are. Is it that youve always put up with it and just bought them and shes not getting its actually a struggle for you? Can you have a conversation about gift giving and get everyone to set a more realistic budget or maybe do a family wide secret santa so your only buying one present?
I understand that its not a conversation thats easy and the fact she gives you a list is pretty rude in the first place but maybe its just become the norm and she thinks a list is what you expect.

Alfie190 · 10/12/2018 10:45

Yes of course you buy nicer things for presents.

Although I will never get why adults are sending each other Christmas lists! I have never provided a list to anyone and nor would I expect to be given one.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 10/12/2018 10:45

You don't have to get everything on her list, pick and choose.

Alienspaceship · 10/12/2018 10:46

Why on earth is she giving you ‘a list’? Just buy her a gift, any gift, that is within your budget and that you think she will like.

MsSquiz · 10/12/2018 10:46

I have always said gifts are things you would like, but not necessarily need, a treat different from what you would usually buy yourself.

As a PP suggested, if you have a budget, but less of the expensive stuff

peachypetite · 10/12/2018 10:49

Get your husband to tell her you're doing small presents only.

BiddyPop · 10/12/2018 10:51

Perhaps get her something small off the list - not everything on it. Or else something nice but special but also within your budget - so a handbag sized handcream from L'Occitane, or a really lovely but mid-range prized handwash between the Aldi and her requested one.

Decide how much you want to spend first, and then see what you can get for that money.

Not look at her list and just buy everything on it.

HellenaHandbasket · 10/12/2018 10:51

Don't break your budget, but why on earth would you ask others to buy what you buy yourself as a present?

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 10/12/2018 10:54

Agree Aldi toiletries aren't really a Christmas gift. Nothing wrong with them, they just don't say 'gift' do they? Pick something from her wishlist that's within the budget and then forget about it.

Orangecake123 · 10/12/2018 11:00

I don't think she's being a CF, pick the cheapest item from the list but if that's not possible get something else.

Holidayshopping · 10/12/2018 11:02

Or do other people take the opportunity at Christmas (& Birthdays) to ask for stuff they wouldn't normally buy themselves?

Errrr, yes!

AnnaMagnani · 10/12/2018 11:03

People ask for treats at Christmas.

However if you don't buy for your parents, and you are skint, why is she giving you a list?

Just have a conversation about how you are scaling back this year as there is no budget, your parents have kindly suggested no adult presents and if she still wants something it will only be a token.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 10/12/2018 11:03

Like PP the stuff I use on a day to day basis wouldn't be something I'd want as a christmas gift. (In the same way I'd happily eat a snickers bar any day of the week but as a gift people would buy me a nice box of chocolates). I think it's nicer to buy someone a smaller luxury item than a large quantity of every day stuff. That said if she's asking for huge £200 hampers then yes it's cheeky.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 10/12/2018 11:04

Also if you're skint it's fine to say you're just doing token gifts (or no gifts at all).

TheSoapyFrog · 10/12/2018 11:04

Isn't the whole point that Christmas presents are a treat and a luxury. I ususlly use an 80p shower gel, but i wouldn't ask for one for Christmas, I'd probably ask for one from lush. I'd rather have one bath bomb from lush than 10 bottles of 80p shower gel.

DaffodilPower · 10/12/2018 11:04

Ignore the list and get what you know she uses, if it is too much for you.

I really don't think adults should have 'lists' or any such nonsense. If there's something special you want, yes ask for that, or a contribution towards it, but seriously, a list? Did she send it to the North Pole, too?!!

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