Presents for MIL - AIBU or is she a CF?

[CouldIBeAnymoreHungry]

MIL shops at Aldi & is proud to admit that she uses all their beauty products. Handwash, handcream, moisturisers etc. However when she gives us her present list suddenly her taste becomes a little more expensive. Branded products that cost alot more, hair products that you can only get in salon. She is semi retired & well off whereas we have one income & live month to month. I'm feeling resentful as I buy myself cheap products but then find myself spending far more on her because we feel we should buy what she's asked for. When I lost my job my parents told us to stop buying for them so we could save money whereas MIL continues to hand over her lists of gift ideas.

AIBU to ignore her list & buy Aldi stuff I know she likes or is she being a CF? Or do other people take the opportunity at Christmas (& Birthdays) to ask for stuff they wouldn't normally buy themselves?

Go on youtube.
Watch video of how to make body butters, balms and bathbombs.
Bulk buy ingredients from Amazon\aldi
Get brewing.
Great fun, hand made and nothing like it out there in aldi or posher.
Personal touch is to decorate the pot or jar and make up a basket
You should be able to do a great mix for mum, mil and both dads for about £15.

Presumably she knows you're not flush and that you're not buying for each other this year? Why not shock horror have a conversation with her and say you aren't spending more than X or you're not buying presents this year? Better yet, get your dh to talk to her given she's his mum!

Maelstrop

Its not as easy as just sitting down and having a conversation. On one side you often have a generous person who doesn't like drama (like me ) and on the other you have an unreasonable, CF'er who only thinks of themselves. The second person knows that the first is like that and takes advantage of it and if they don't get what they want come out with all kinds of emotional blackmail BS.

You should agree a no present policy with her.

I hate this kind of stuff about Christmas. People who have no spare money having to buy needless stuff like this.

Yinv

Agree and on top of that I'll add that I hate buying presents for people who are not actually interested in us on the other 364 days a year, but come December the old "Christmas is about family" emotional blackmail chestnut comes out.

Tomorrow I am going Christmas shopping and I am buying a present for - ME

but come December the old "Christmas is about family" emotional blackmail chestnut comes out.

You just need to not stand for the guilt, it's stupid. 'Yes, it is about family and so we enjoy spending so much time with you all, but we simply cannot afford gift exchange among adults any more so we need to put a stop to it. I'm sure you'll understand, our finances are strained. Thanks.'

And you just stop it. No one has the right to expect an expensive gift from somene.

I use Aldi bubble bath. But for xmas I've asked for a fancy bubble bath - I like to use fancier stuff occasionally as a huge treat. But I don't expect people to buy me 12 bottles. Just one.. or one bath bomb or what ever.

Just buy her one thing off her list.

My MIL has instilled a £10 limit on all xmas gifts within the family this year.. she was only able to afford 4 holidays this year after all.. But has sent an email asking for something that is minimum £40!

We sort of had this with SIL - we would ask for v average costing things which were easy to buy.

She would then often ignore any of our suggestions and proceed to buy any old rubbish often the opposite of what you had asked for with no way of asking for a way to return the item - so a complete waste for us.

then if you asked her for what she wanted she would say “oh anything oh well I like x Chanel perfume” the cheapest option of which was a blinking fortune. In this case she is v wealthy and I thought it a bit cheeky and she is perfectly capable of buying her own perfume should she wish to

As others have said buy one of the list and end it there.

In the end I bought a selection of chanel mini perfumes c£20 (reduced as part of a 20% off day) rather than say a big £60 £75 bottle.

We have never asked SIL for any suggestions for presents for herself ever since and instead she gets something chosen by us eg necklace or personal thing at a price we can afford

I'm gobsmacked that your mother-in-law writes a list in the first place - Xmas lists stop when you stop being a child! I can understand buying a special gift but a list of gifts is CF territory, and if money is tight then maybe stick to a 'kids only' presents at Xmas - the adults should understand and not expect anything. My family struggle all year to balance the books as such and it has been years since adults exchanged anything more than the odd token gift - if we buy it is for the kids. Don't skint yourself to spoil her, just get what you can - maybe one nice item rather than a few less expensive ones, or tell her you are not buying for adults this year. Good luck - glad my MIL isn't the sort to present me with a f*ing list, lol.

This is really interesting!

We have never done lists but I do see in a united close knit family a list is a good thing perhaps, and especially if people are struggling and need help with neccesities or basics.

If my Mil tried this I'd be very comfortable telling her that we don't buy for each other and all our money goes on dc and there is no way we are buying from a list.

But the part of your post that irks me is you think she's cheeky for wanting something better than aldi at Xmas.

I use boots e45 face cream. Whilst I would glady appreciate being brought more, I don't think it's fair to say just because she wanted something fancier she is cheeky

Just pick something in your budget. Iv never had a list off MIL thats odd to me. I thought it was just children that wrote lists

if this is MIL, what does your other half think?
Basically we have a sort of budget/agreement regarding gifts to keep gift buying in control, so its useful to get a list - its nicer to give something that will be well received.

Yep. Definitely a CF. Using Christmas to take the piss.

GIft card with your gift amount on it. Let her get what she wants or can based upon what you reasonably and within your current means, determined you can afford.

If money is so tight you're not buying presents for one another, and you're doing tokens only for your own parents, then I'd just tell her money is tight this year so please make it gifts for children only on all sides. Avoid the whole thing.

She sounds horribly selfish.

We ask for lists each year to give us an idea. We didn’t buy one thing off of said list last year and MIL went all “Woe is me” 🙄

My MIL has instilled a £10 limit on all xmas gifts within the family this year.. she was only able to afford 4 holidays this year after all.. But has sent an email asking for something that is minimum £40!

Then why do that? Seriously. That's just pisstaking. The OP cannot afford to buy presents even for one another so there's no reason to indulge the MIL on her list they never asked for . And if you go and spunk 40 quid on your MIL that's your lookout.

No one is entitled to a 'treat'.

Giving an unsolicited list is cheeky. Just say you're not doing adults gifts as things are tight. You says she's comfortably off, so she can treat herself, it's not on that you buy gifts you can't afford.

I think it's cheeky for adults to give a Christmas list Especially to a young family which children to buy for.

To me Christmas (and birthdays) are a chance to ask for luxuries you wouldn't normally splurge on yourself.

In this case though I wouldn't be giving my wish list to someone who has just lost their job!

Set a budget and buy accordingly. If that mean you can only buy one item then so be it.

I really do not understand the attitude that "Aldi stuff is alright when the MIL buys it herself but Christmas gifts need to be more special"

Every Christmas a relative of mine, utterly unasked for, buys me about £20 of posh toiletries I do not use (lotions, sprays etc). I use £1 Radox shower gel and would much prefer 20 bottles of that which has practical use.

But really what I would prefer is a cheque for £20 that I can spend on things I want (mostly obscure second hand books), which my relative would never know I wanted because they're not into the things I am. I always send relatives cheques so they can buy the things they actually want, not the things I (almost certainly mistakenly) think they want.

I think she's a CF.. she should know how you are for money if one of you isn't working.
Get her the cheap stuff...I like getting what I'd use rather than something that will fester on the shelf...saves me buying it too x

It's always cheeky to give people a wish list they didn't ask for so yes she's a CF.

OP - if you can't afford it please tell her so. Adults should not ask other adults to get into debt or spend beyond their means.

Watch the Martin Lewis video about Christmas spending.