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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Presents for MIL - AIBU or is she a CF?

164 replies

CouldIBeAnymoreHungry · 10/12/2018 10:36

MIL shops at Aldi & is proud to admit that she uses all their beauty products. Handwash, handcream, moisturisers etc. However when she gives us her present list suddenly her taste becomes a little more expensive. Branded products that cost alot more, hair products that you can only get in salon. She is semi retired & well off whereas we have one income & live month to month. I'm feeling resentful as I buy myself cheap products but then find myself spending far more on her because we feel we should buy what she's asked for. When I lost my job my parents told us to stop buying for them so we could save money whereas MIL continues to hand over her lists of gift ideas.

AIBU to ignore her list & buy Aldi stuff I know she likes or is she being a CF? Or do other people take the opportunity at Christmas (& Birthdays) to ask for stuff they wouldn't normally buy themselves?

OP posts:
winniestone37 · 11/12/2018 19:01

I'm assuming this present given is an arrangement you agreed to? She has quite rightly asked for what she wants, It's irrelevant where she usually shops. If you don't want to do it/can't afford it then it's down to you and your dh to say so. Grow up and own it rather than whining on mumsnet and avoiding responsability. I suspect you're not crazy about her and like to look for reasons to confirm to yourself that this is reasonable and nothing to do with your own failings.

Kisskiss · 11/12/2018 19:11

It’s rude to buy cheap presents for others and write a wish list demanding expensive things for yourself.

Goodness I’m glad I don’t know anybody like this as it sounds really irritating!! Glad you ignored her grabby list OP..

QuizzlyBear · 11/12/2018 19:25

Isn’t the whole point of selecting gifts, buying them something they wouldn’t normally buy for themselves - even if it’s something small?

I wouldn’t ask for my monthly toiletries from others if they ask for gift ideas, but perhaps one ‘special’ item that I couldn’t justify buying for myself. Not CF at all.

Lifeofsmiley · 11/12/2018 19:45

People can ask and expect all they want but they can’t physically man handle you into shops and take the money out your purse.
Just stop doing it. Say we aren’t exchanging gifts.
There’s no way I’d spend over £100 on gifts for someone who has said no gifts but still expect them for themselves.
It’s like ripping a plaster off, just do it. People can moan all they like but tough.
I’ve cut right down and it’s great and so stress free.

OrigamiZoo · 11/12/2018 19:46

Adults with gift lists, I've been missing out all my life!

costacoffeecup · 11/12/2018 19:52

There's just no point in buying tat for the sake of buying something. I think if you can't afford to buy something nice it's better not to bother at all (and goes both ways!) She clearly can't afford it either so why not just agree not to bother? It's all a bit silly.

Pinkyyy · 11/12/2018 19:55

OP if she can't appreciate a gift chosen and given by you and feels the need to send a list of things suitable to be given to her then she doesn't deserve anything at all. If you're not buying for your own DH why on earth would you buy for this woman?

mineofuselessinformation · 11/12/2018 20:04

If you can afford it, and will spend the £35 needed to get it at £35 iyswim, I'd buy the Marks and Sparks advent calendar and use several bits of it as a gift for her (take them out of the numbered boxes first and wrap in tissue paper, though!)
Keep some nice bits and bobs for yourself too. I did this a couple of Christmases ago and all recipients were really pleased.
Win, win as far as I can see.

Bowerbird5 · 11/12/2018 20:05

Buy her something not on the list but a treat. Do you ask for a list?

I think it is a bit cheeky.

Bowerbird5 · 11/12/2018 20:06

Get her a charity gift like a goat!

busyhonestchildcarer · 11/12/2018 20:15

Hate people giving lists.my daughter used to do this before she got a job but ive stopped it xmas is about the thought ,the thrill of a surprise.its definately not about cost

Willow2017 · 11/12/2018 21:53

I wouldn’t ask for my monthly toiletries from others if they ask for gift ideas, but perhaps one ‘special’ item that I couldn’t justify buying for myself. Not CF at all.

It is when she buys everyone else crap in return.

mumsastudent · 11/12/2018 21:56

amazon

Flappypants · 11/12/2018 22:04

I've never heard of a parent giving children wish lists for Christmas. I find this odd. It is the thought that counts, surely, and besides, if it's not in budget it can't happen! As PP have said, get something nice that you can afford even if it isn't on the list and if she sulks, then your DH needs to have a word!!

Teacher22 · 11/12/2018 22:21

You could buy the MIL a voucher for the price you want to pay for her beauty product for a shop that sells it. That way she could put it towards what she wants. Or, perhaps, club together with another friend or relative to buy something off the list. Don’t be pressured into buying the whole list or something you cannot afford. Explain you are strapped for cash.

Strawberry2017 · 11/12/2018 22:25

She's a CF. Expecting you to splash out on her when she knows your situation is just not right.

WilburforceRaven · 11/12/2018 22:30

In this case though I wouldn't be giving my wish list to someone who has just lost their job!

Or anyone who hasn't asked you for a list, surely Hmm?

If I want a treat I buy it for myself and not expect others to buy it for me.

Angiemum24 · 12/12/2018 00:00

Buy what’s in your budget.

EncroachingLoaf · 12/12/2018 00:13

Why is she giving you a christmas list, is she 5? Confused

I really don't think you should be stressing about this, your DH should be sorting his mum's presents. I am assuming he won't be tying himself in knots worrying what to get your mum?

TheFairyAstronaut · 12/12/2018 00:23

My SIL is like this.

Lists of expensive gifts for her, her husband and two kids. Plus constructive “feedback” on gifts- we got her DH a bottle of his favourite tipple one year and we’re told not to buy him alcohol again as she didn’t want him having too much booze in the house. He was over the moon with it and is the kind of guy who might have a couple of drinks with a movie some weekends, so no raging alcoholism lurking.

Meanwhile her gifts are obvious regifts of tat. I am nearly at the point of suggesting no gifts for adults, just for the kids and then it’s a couple of gift vouchers or some spending money.

icouldbewrongicouldberight · 12/12/2018 00:26

Send DH out to buy her something.

WilburforceRaven · 12/12/2018 08:09

Meanwhile her gifts are obvious regifts of tat. I am nearly at the point of suggesting no gifts for adults, just for the kids and then it’s a couple of gift vouchers or some spending money.

Why haven't you? Less waste in the environment.

GeeksCanBeMumsToo · 12/12/2018 10:09

Can’t you just “opt out” if buying gifts—i.e. propose to her that you don’t get gifts for each other, so you don’t have to get her anything and won’t get cheap tat in return. Maybe some homemade cookies instead or something as a token. Pointless you both spending unnecessary, and she is CF IMO for handing out Christmas list without it being requested. We do lists for adults in my close family, but we all ask for them and all do them.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 12/12/2018 11:31

Just set yourself a budget for her that you can afford and stick to that. If it's not on her list well it's not form the list.

Ilikeknitting · 12/12/2018 16:22

In my opinion, gifts should be luxury items! Would you honesty buy her a bottle of Wilko shampoo and a jar of Aldi skin cream with change from three quid and think that suitable?

Spoil her, it’s what normal people do at Christmas. Buy the best you can afford, I’m sure she does the same for you, dh and all her grandchildren!