Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you’ve ever been flamed on AIBU?

299 replies

Calvinsmam · 09/12/2018 23:16

Just reading AIBU and wondering if you’ve ever been flamed for something you posted?

I once got crucified for sharing that I was tired from geting up in the night to let me cat drink from the tap. Grin It was my first time at the rodeo and I was a bit thin skinned about it.

I’ve been here years now and I couldn’t give a shit anymore.

What have you been flamed for??

OP posts:
Flatwhite32 · 10/12/2018 16:16

I was once. I was a few weeks post 12 week missed miscarriage. There was a thread about gender disappointment and I commented that I wouldn't mind if I had a girl or a boy, and just wanted a healthy baby at some point in my life (which, happily I now do! DD is 4 months!). One of the posters wasn't nice to me at all, and because I was quite fresh from a miscarriage and very hormonal, I cried about it!

Rogueone · 10/12/2018 16:22

I got flamed by a user on a thread about someones teenage DD being a nightmare. My comment about my own teenage DD being a manipulative little shite sometimes didn’t go down well. Some user who ended up being a bloke turns up and says I am an abusive mother and all the folks on the thread no the truth.... then when I retorted and told him to get a grip and I have a great relationship with my DC including my DD he told me I was gaslighting him.... 😂

Eliza9917 · 10/12/2018 16:34

I started a great thread once about wanting to punch an obstructive GP receptionist in the face.

I don't know if it would be classed as a flaming but that went on for quite a few pages iirc.

Original poster
Calvinsmam · 10/12/2018 16:47

Isn't it part of the fun? I LOVE getting flamed, then I just leave the thread, live my life and leave them fuming

Oh you wicked wicked woman. I like you.

OP posts:
thecatsarecrazy · 10/12/2018 16:54

I was in hospital with ds3 he had breathing problems and i started what i thought was a lighthearted post about the nurses constantly calling me " mum " i got flamed because apparently I don't mean a shit I was just "mum" what did I matter. I felt like utter shit after that. My poor baby was stuck in hospital having test after test I started a bit of light heartedness and was made to feel even worse.
It was a really dark period in my life.

Original poster
Calvinsmam · 10/12/2018 16:56

Aw that sounds awful cats Flowers

OP posts:
DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 10/12/2018 17:59

I remember quite a few of these threads. I take a lot of mn advice with a pinch of salt. One of my favourite threads recently was one discussing our bemusement at quite a few "only on mn" type tropes. Someone came on and put the boot in about us "making fun of people".

Mumof1DS · 10/12/2018 17:59

I started one (in my new poster naivity) about DS thumb sucking. My point of view being that he's not going to go to his first job or university sucking his thumb, so why were MIL and SIL getting so het up about it.... I got a lot of support of "my DC did it and they're fully functional children who grew out of it" and quite a few people raising concerns about tooth development/jaw development etc (fair point, I asked my dentist about it... She cared not because he was so young, I think 4 months at the time maybe). A valid concern to be raised though, I accept, bit then someone came along to flame me about "how on earth could I be ignoring such valuable advice??" Erm, because the supportive posts were in the majority Hmm I'm reasonably thick skinned, so it was sort of water off a ducks back, which in hindsight surprises me as I was in the depths of PND at the time.

The responses to some people's queries do sometimes make me go Hmm but knowing that there are other people who think "wtf??" in relation to some people's comments does reassure me into raising my head above the parapet a bit more to support someone. It's a shame w can't form a collective at some of the more Hmm comments in order to support the OP where comments are a bit Confused
Obviously I do appreciate that people do troll "for the lolz" but most of those stick out like a sore thumb, so I just don't respond... MNHQ will get them Wink
It's made me really sad to know that people send deliberately abusive messages to other people on PM (learning point, I had no idea you could pm Grin). What kind of tiny small minded people would do that? Especially when it is obvious that some people are at a really dark point in their lives.
But then on the flip side, I've found other parts of the forum to be overly supportive Grin - not in a bad way, but people can be very quick to "ltb". I posted once about DH (in his defence, he was a complete tool, admitted he had, made no comments in his defence (there was no defence) and apologised unendingly and changed his behaviour). I was still in the grip of PND plus sleep deprivation (we all know that 3am is a terrible hour, when you have had very little sleep) and at a low point, it really did make me question staying with him. But I checked myself on a better day before having any dangerous discussions, and was able to articulate the hurt much better than if I had gone in all guns raging (which is how I felt after the responses).

Hmmm. Food for thought. Maybe in being too deep for a light-hearted thread?? I apologise if so Smile

P.s. another thing, it really grinds my gears when the daily fail take a thread for making an article on it. I really hope that they ask the OP before taking a thread to use in last journalism and potentially 'outing' the OP who may well want anonymity Angry.

Mumof1DS · 10/12/2018 18:00

Oops well done if you got to the end of my essay Blush

Mumof1DS · 10/12/2018 18:01

My original post should also have said *lazy journalism. A bit of an autocorrect fail Grin

Slipperboots · 10/12/2018 18:21

I remember being called a liar on a thread about transport. I take DD to an activity it takes 15 minutes to drive there, it takes at least an hour by public transport as it’s in another town.
Apparently this is an impossible difference. I think people don’t understand buses don’t go where you want them to go.

DarcieStarlight · 10/12/2018 18:25

Yep I was flamed for starting a thread saying people who have abused children should be castrated so as not to be able to produce their own.
It did not go down well at all.

yawning801 · 10/12/2018 18:27

I asked for trans threads to stay in the Feminism topic.

Ouch.
The "just stick your fingers in your ears and say la-la-la and wait until it's too late" thing came up many times...

Shepherdspieisminging · 10/12/2018 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bringincrazyback · 10/12/2018 18:34

I was roasted for committing the cardinal sin of voicing some of the difficulties of stepparenting. I know better than to talk about it on here now.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 10/12/2018 18:42

I got flamed for morning about DH exW getting tons of maintenance despite the fact that she was the NRP and that DSS has never stayed at her house and barely sees here. I was told we should pay for the room in her house on the off chance that DSS might stay there (he never did). She has since sold the house and blown all the cash. She never paid us maintenance and still claims child benefit for DSS. She's a total bloody nightmare but I was in the wrong for being a step parent and, wrongly, assumed to be the OW.

DSS has matured into a wonderful young man and I'm very proud of him Smile

SinisterBumFacedCat · 10/12/2018 18:44

bringback we always get directed to the step parenting threads! Smile

Grace212 · 10/12/2018 20:38

seems a looonng time ago now...

I got absolutely told off for using the word "Brexit" because back then, according to some MN posters, it wasn't a word and just some crap I'd made up for a thread. Grin

I think one poster accused me of being a pseudo-intellectual or summat.....hilarious.

WaterBird · 10/12/2018 23:51

I haven't.
I've started three AIBU threads (but one of them was one of these fun fictional ones so really only two for advice). In both my advice threads, posters were extremely helpful and non-judgmental.
I think you have to be prepared when you start a thread in this topic, that you might actually be U. And engage in healthy debate with these that think you are.
I did notice an interesting pattern in both of these threads, though. In both cases, the group that felt one way responded first, and the group that felt the other way responded further down the thread. (with some exceptions) It's really interesting when that happens, because at first you might think the responses will be unanimous.

ScattyScorpian · 11/12/2018 00:01

Oh yes.
Many years ago I came to Mumsnet for advice about my best friend who was in a new relationship.
I would never say anything negative to anyone about her so I came here to voice my concerns... What a flipping flaming mind ...apparently I was jealous and needed to get off my high horse, I was in bits but you know what, it thickened my skin and I realised that in the big wide world not everyone would 'get you' and know you meant well...it takes all sorts!!
Take everything with a pinch of salt from people who don't know you well but sometimes some things can strike a chord and give you a little hardened insight.

WaterBird · 11/12/2018 00:11

I find the concept of people becoming defensive when other posters tell them they are being abused, very interesting.
My first thread was under a different name. I knew I was being treated very poorly, and just needed confirmation from posters that I was. That's exactly what I got, and I appreciated it.
But I suppose if I had posted when I still had that "he can do no wrong" idea, I might have gotten very defensive to people about him, as was the case IRL.

WaterBird · 11/12/2018 00:14

@OrangeJellySpread
That's very true, and a great attitude to have.
If you feel you've been flamed for eternity with your current user name, you can always pick another...

Original poster
Calvinsmam · 11/12/2018 00:21

I think the longer you’re here for the more you realise that some people do genuinely just love to be a cock and it when you realise that it makes you able to shake it off a bit more.

I’ve just had someone be astronomically rude to me on a diy thread for literally no reason.
It was a thread about bathrooms and I said I’d got my bathroom cheap but it was cladding and a few posters asked to see the cladding and when I posted a picture someone said ‘well now I can see why I paid 20k’ Hmm
I think I would have got really upset by that in the past but actually now I just think ‘did you mean to be so rude?’ Grin

I think it’s spilled into my real life a bit too, I don’t think I’m as frightened of confrontation as I used to be.

OP posts:
WaterBird · 11/12/2018 00:30

@calvinsmam
Wow, that is rude!
A comment was deleted in a thread I was recently on in the "What We're Reading" section. Which is probably one of the most relaxed sections here.

Hellomatey001 · 11/12/2018 00:33

Ha! Had to chuckle about the stranger touching my baby thread.

I too in a moment of sheer naivety, as a new mum, posted about a complete stranger touching my baby and being taken aback.

Deary me, I was flamed more thoroughly than a dozen well done, flame grilled rump steaks. Some responses were along the lines of "FFS! Get a grip you mental stuck up cow with that precious fooking baby of yours!!"

The reactions were so over the top they actually made me laugh, it was like I was some loon who had posted about beating up a kitten and wearing the fur as a new hat.

But surviving that, I now feel I have earned my AIBU stripes! Wink

Joking aside, I sometimes am concerned at the "pile on" when someone posts something, (one commentator condemns and the rest join in). It feels very uncomfortable to see that obvious glee in tearing someone to bits. You do see it in action in AIBU and at times it is very disconcerting. Confused