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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To those whose DP's snore, how do you sleep?

238 replies

MattieB19 · 08/12/2018 22:14

How do you work around the issue and sleep? My lovely DP snores terribly and I'm the lightest sleeper. I'd just like to know how others try and solve the issue if you have it?

OP posts:
Dimsumlosesum · 09/12/2018 07:06

I sleep in the spare room. Can't wear ear plugs as means I can't hear the kids in the night (and he sleeps through it all).

QueenOnAPlate · 09/12/2018 07:07

I tried going into the spare room but the dog follows me and starts snoring too. I’m just destined to never get a decent sleep 😬

lboogy · 09/12/2018 07:10

How do you have intimacy when your partner is in another room?

Dizzylin · 09/12/2018 07:13

We take turns on the Sofa, luckily it's not every night with us.

We don't have a spare room, I keep talking about getting a Sofa bed.

Billthedog · 09/12/2018 07:15

Spare room.
We've tried everything- ENT referral, sprays, strips, mouth guard, ear plugs, headphones. On holiday I cope using alcohol and antihistamines or sleeping with the DC.

Frouby · 09/12/2018 07:15

I make him turn over onto his right side. Then if it's really bad muffle it with a pillow over his head. At no point ever have I been tempted to hold it down. Honest.

I snored very slightly when heavily pregnant. The cheeky fucker had the nerve to complain. Only once though after I recorded his night time offerings. I genuinely don't think he realised how bad it was.

JustWingingLifeAsUsual · 09/12/2018 07:28

I always try and sleep first before he does! I am a heavy sleeper so once I'm asleep, his snoring doesn't wake me or bother me. Does my head in when he sleeps before me! I know then, that I am not going to get a good nights rest.

Wallywobbles · 09/12/2018 07:31

Ear plugs for us both.

To those whose DP's snore, how do you sleep?
UncomfortableBadger · 09/12/2018 07:34

My DH has sleep apnoea so his CPAP machine saves my sanity.

PPs, if your DHs & DPs do snore that badly please encourage them to see the GP & ask for a sleep study. If they do have sleep apnoea then not only will a CPAP machine save your own sanity but it will help their health - untreated sleep apnoea and other sleep disorders are linked with all kinds of nasties Sad

Maybenexttime08 · 09/12/2018 07:37

It is reassuring to hear so many people in the same boat!

I use white noise earplugs that work quite well, but still end up in the top bunk of my boys bed most nights. He is going to grow up thinking it is normal for adults to bed hop during the night Blush

Fizzysours · 09/12/2018 08:10

Spare room. If you ask around, you will find that loads of couples do this. I put up with broken sleep for 15 years. I was close to caving his head in. No earplug drowned it out. He was sad about it but has had to tolerate it as we were close to breaking point.

drspouse · 09/12/2018 08:20

I don't think my DH (or I) is that bad but he can still snore on his side.
On a related note, does anyone's OH shout out in their sleep? Any way to stop that?

Canibuildasnowman · 09/12/2018 08:51

Earplugs. ‘Mute’ has worked for us - snorer wears them. Separate beds for a night when snorer is very tired and/or been drinking as it’ll be worse then. Also top and tailing sometimes in bed so it’s not right in your ear.

Canibuildasnowman · 09/12/2018 08:52

We did 100 days alcohol free- it was amazing the difference it made. Snoring was at a minimum.

tinstar · 09/12/2018 08:59

Really relieved to hear so many have resorted to separate rooms. My tolerance to DH's snoring dropped dramatically when I was going through the menopause - and never recovered. We have 3 young adult dcs so, although none of them has officially moved out yet, there's usually a spare bed. I'm a bit anxious at the moment because ds3 is back from uni next weekend and we will back up to a full house!

I couldn't get on with ear plugs. The wax ones irritate my ears and I've never found any really effective alternative. Agree a fan sometimes helps. We once had really noisy air con in a room in holiday and that was really effective!

ShannonRockallMalin · 09/12/2018 09:10

To those who sleep in a different room, how do your partners feel about this? My DH snores terribly and I am kept awake most nights. However, even if we had a spare room, which we don’t, he would hate it if I slept elsewhere. I genuinely don’t think he could even countenance the idea, I think he’d see it akin to splitting up! I went out last night and he waited up for me because ‘he can’t sleep if I’m not there’ [hmmm]

OftenHangry · 09/12/2018 09:12

Separate bedrooms. Best thing ever.

nowahousewife · 09/12/2018 09:14

CPAP machine here, it is literally a marriage saver! I know DH had sleep apnoea because I could hear him stopping and starting breathing which was very scary. I used to nudge him and hiss ‘breath!’.
The snoring was also horrendous and the machine has totally eliminated it. Worthwhile getting your DH’s to check with their Dr as the long term effects of apnoea are really not good.

Ragwort · 09/12/2018 09:18

Separate rooms, and I don’t really care if my DH doesn’t ‘Like it’, I don’t like not being able to sleep. Why should my difficulty in sleeping be less important than his need for me to be in the same bed Hmm. I would hate to be so co-dependent that we ‘needed’ to be in the same bed, I love my personal space. Going on holiday & having to share a bedroom (I insist on twin beds) is torture.

Canibuildasnowman · 09/12/2018 09:29

Separate rooms is a last resort for us becuase it definitely affects our intimacy. We love sleeping together!

InteriorLulu · 09/12/2018 09:37

I was the DP who snored. I have sleep apnoea so my CPAP machine makes for a much quieter night.

Of course now I hear DH snoring which was something I didn't have to put up with before - probably because he couldn't be heard over the racket I used to make! I usually just shake him and get him to move onto his side.

Agree with PP above, definitely worth getting your GP to check for reasons why your DP snores.

cherrytree63 · 09/12/2018 09:57

Seperate rooms. It makes me very sad but he's not bothered enough to do anything about it. He drinks every evening and has a smoke just before going to bed.
I don't like my bedroom door closed and I can still hear it. I'm a light sleeper and once I get woken up I can't get back to sleep, partly because I'm seething with anger.
I believe he's got sleep apnoea, he stops breathing for a few seconds several times a night, then complains he's tired all the time.
He eventually (after much nagging from me) saw a GP who agreed it sounded like OSA, she took bloods, but he saw a different GP for the follow up who used the Epworth test and said it didn't sound like OSA, gave him a nasal spray so now DP thinks he's done enough.
I can't even watch TV in the evening because I just have to crank tbe volume so high it hurts my ears, and he refuses to go up to bed early.

Funnybunnyfluff · 09/12/2018 10:08

I wear ear plugs but also make my DH try's out different things to stop him snoring. Best so far is a nose plug that widens his nostrils to help him breathe at night.

Massive difference to me he still snoring but but not as loud and no for so long. Get him to try.

ViragoKnows · 09/12/2018 10:10

Elsewhere a lot of the time.

Original poster
MattieB19 · 09/12/2018 11:12

To those who sleep elsewhere, do you feel guilty? I do and am so obsessed with this guilt that I spend ALL DAY worrying about bedtime, hurting his feelings, whether he will snore etc...

I just can't seem to accept it's necessary and am destroying myself from the inside with guilt and anxiety (prone to this already). I've done some CBT and it hasn't helped.

OP posts: