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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To those whose DP's snore, how do you sleep?

238 replies

MattieB19 · 08/12/2018 22:14

How do you work around the issue and sleep? My lovely DP snores terribly and I'm the lightest sleeper. I'd just like to know how others try and solve the issue if you have it?

OP posts:
ViragoKnows · 09/12/2018 11:15

Guilty? Good grief no. Resigned. Irritated (that he never follows up on treatment options). Tired. Not guilty.

Record his snoring and play it to him. Why should you feel guilty?

ViragoKnows · 09/12/2018 11:16

Hell, listen to the recording yourself when you start to feel bad.

Original poster
MattieB19 · 09/12/2018 11:18

You're right of course. My DP has tried all sorts and been to the GP and on only 2 occassions has admitted how much he hates sleeping separately (I do too). The guilt is basically all me.

OP posts:
Original poster
MattieB19 · 09/12/2018 11:19

I feel like I'm abandoning him, making him feel ashamed (which he does).

OP posts:
justilou1 · 09/12/2018 11:20

Mine was told years ago that his snoring was caused by his giant, flapping tonsils. He has yet to make an appointment to get them yanked out. He has been far too busy and important at work to take the time off, and of course, can’t miss out on holidays. He was unemployed for six months later year, but couldn’t risk doing it then in case he was offered a job while he was recovering, etc..... Cue massive, tears tantrum last night wherein I offered to remove them myself with with nail scissors. (We are receiving marriage counselling also.)

justilou1 · 09/12/2018 11:21

BTW - it is one of may things which affects ME and not HIM so doesn’t get prioritized.

ViragoKnows · 09/12/2018 11:22

Oh gosh, I want to come and hently knock your heads together! You feel guilty. He feels ashamed. He shouldn’t feel ashamed about snoring and you shouldn't feel guilty. What a pair! Smile

What treatmets has he tried? Has he tried speaking to a dentist?

ChristmasWrappingTheWaitresses · 09/12/2018 11:22

No. Don't feel guilty.

It's important for our family that we both get a good night's sleep and are at our very best to parent our children in the daytime.

Original poster
MattieB19 · 09/12/2018 11:24

Thank you all, I really do feel reassured. We're both quite sensitive people lol. The GP did suggest the dentist and he's put it on his to-do list and I know he will eventually do it after a few nagging attempts

OP posts:
Original poster
MattieB19 · 09/12/2018 11:25

Other than that, we've used all the strips/lozenges/sprays. I want to suggest trying nasal dilators or a mouth guard some point soon.

OP posts:
ViragoKnows · 09/12/2018 11:27

I want to suggest trying nasal dilators or a mouth guard some point soon.

Yes. It sounds like it’s beyond over the counter remedies. Make a dentist appointment for him and drive him there if you have to Wink

Funnybunnyfluff · 09/12/2018 11:31

Nasal dilators works for my DH, he didn't like wearing them for the first week and even now sometimes make his nose hurt or gives him a small nose bleed.

We slept separately for about 2 years and I found it did effect our relationship. More him and me to be honest. So I tried loads of different ear plugs to get the right ones for me and he wears his sexy nose piece and all is good 😉.

Alfie190 · 09/12/2018 11:31

He often sleeps in the spare room.

Funnybunnyfluff · 09/12/2018 11:32

You can buy a box on amazon with all different sizes to figure out what fits best 😀

Lucisky · 09/12/2018 11:41

We both snore and disturb each other so we have had separate bedrooms for at least 20 years.
On holiday we both wear ear plugs as we obviously share then. The foam ones make my ears tender, but I have just discovered the wax ball ones which seem to work better.

Lucisky · 09/12/2018 11:45

I don't feel guilty at all! We have totally different sleep habits anyway, so it suits us. I snore because I am overweight - didn't in my youth when I was slim. However, my oh is slim fit and healthy and rarely drinks, so goodness knows why he snores.

Dotty1970 · 09/12/2018 11:48

Tennis balls in their pants stop them from rolling back onto the back

tillytrotter1 · 09/12/2018 11:50

Own rooms, holidays can be a bit difficult, I've been known to sleep in the bath!

Claref80 · 09/12/2018 11:51

Spare room or silicone earplugs

DontCallMeCharlotte · 09/12/2018 11:56

FIL stopped snoring after a tracheotomy. Bit drastic maybe.

Badmoonsarising · 09/12/2018 11:58

In another room.

recovery18 · 09/12/2018 12:01

I don't understand why you would feel guilty - what is it you think you have done wrong?

I split with a partner whose snoring kept me awake even if I was downstairs on the sofa. Humans need sleep. Nothing to feel guilty about.

gamerchick · 09/12/2018 12:42

To those who sleep elsewhere, do you feel guilty? I do and am so obsessed with this guilt that I spend ALL DAY worrying about bedtime, hurting his feelings, whether he will snore etc

Not a chance, I love my room. If anything it's him who should feel the guilt for putting you through it. Your reaction does seem quite extreme though, it's not healthy to be this anxious over something that it's affecting your life.

Ask your bloke to go back to his GP to be referred to a sleep clinic. They'll give him a machine to wear overnight to measure him and then take it from there.

WinterfellWench · 09/12/2018 12:56

Nope don't feel guilty!

WinterfellWench · 09/12/2018 12:56

@ragwort

Separate rooms, and I don’t really care if my DH doesn’t ‘Like it’, I don’t like not being able to sleep. Why should my difficulty in sleeping be less important than his need for me to be in the same bed hmm. I would hate to be so co-dependent that we ‘needed’ to be in the same bed, I love my personal space. Going on holiday & having to share a bedroom (I insist on twin beds) is torture.

This. ^ I don't feel even slightly bad or guilty, and don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks. I cannot sleep in the same bed as DH. We have slept separately for about a decade now, (separate rooms,) and quite honestly, I could NEVER go back.

Luckily he is not insecure enough to think there is a problem if we don't sleep in the same room, and he enjoys his own room too.

As for going on holiday, we have 2 single rooms. Costs more, but not masses more, and it's worth it. I would rather pay £900 for a week abroad with separate rooms, than £725 with sharing a room. The whole trip would be ruined if I had to put up with his snoring, because I just wouldn't sleep.

Having separate rooms at home gives you more time to yourself to read and whatever, and it's so much better. I actually pity people who are forced to share.