To be angry about DH's shoes?

[smartcarnotsosmartdriver]

I kind of feel like I might be.

We aren't poor but we aren't well off either and we have some debts that we're paying off.

DH bought himself a new pair of dress shoes yesterday. They look really nice. I was at work and he bought them by himself. Not unusual as we don't get a lot of time together.

After he left for work I noticed that they were a decent brand and wondered how much they cost so I looked them up online.

He spent £75 on a pair of shoes. We don't usually spend a lot on clothes as it's not really required. If I'd had that amount of money spare I'd have spent it on something nice for both of us which I think is why I'm so annoyed.

On the flip side I know it's his money that he works for and if he wants to buy himself something nice surely he should be allowed to?

YABU! Decent shoes are expensive and as a grown adult earning his own money he shouldn’t have to run a purchase like this by you.

L

If him buying them is going to leave you short financially then YANBU.
If not, then I’d probably just say it’s nice to treat yourself occasionally. Hopefully they’ll last longer than a cheaper pair and it will be worth it in the long run.

I think £75 is pretty cheap for men's dress shoes actually. Did he need new shoes? If yes, YABU.

Good shoes are important so as long as no extra debt has been incurred than yabu

Yabu!! For decent mens shoes thats pretty reasonable.

You are mean.

We don't really have money for £75 shoes. I get that to some people that's cheap but my most expensive shoes are for work and they were £19. I wish I could "treat myself" occasionally but I have to manage the houses finances.

That’s not at all expensive for half decent shoes. Surely even school shoes cost almost as much and aren’t subject to VAT?

Spending £75 on a pair of mens shoes is at the cheaper end of the spectrum tbf OP.
I couldnt live with someone checking up how much I was spending, as long as they arent shafting one person with all the bills etc.
YABU.

Will these shoes be worn once or will they be regularly used?

Those shoes will last more than 3 times as long as your 20 quid ones OP. Look at it that way if it helps.

Thanks everyone. Good to get some perspective I guess. I just wish I could go and spend £75 on clothes without not being able to pay for petrol. I'll leave him be.

They'll probably be work 3/4 times a year but he'll have them a while so hopefully he'll get his money's worth out of them.

I'm just twitchy because he's been in financial trouble when he was younger and I don't want to go back there.

It depends how broke you are.
It sounds like you'd like something like that but don't allow yourself because of money, which is where some of the resentment may be coming in.

I'm also the higher earner so I don't know where the money is coming from

If you have no money to spend on things for yourself then it would not be unreasonable to say we get £35 each or some other sort of split. If you both get money to spend on yourselves but you choose to spend yours on family things then yabu

I guess in the long run they will be cheaper.

He can take a £75 pair of shoes to be resoled again and again, sadly men's shoes are made to last whereas women's are lucky if you get a season out of them.

He best be wearing them for the next decade though!

If you dont have £75 for everyday work shoes then YANBU.

I’m going to disagree with other posters. If you have debts and other priorities you don’t spend £75 on a pair of dress shoes. In the OPs position I wouldn’t be happy.

If you’re the breadwinner then yanbu. His money isn’t really his if you’re subsidising his existance.

I think the real issue is, if you are the higher earner, why can't you buy a decent pair of shoes without the family having to go without essentials, but he can? It does sound like you are subsidising him and while I would always spend the most I could on a decent pair of shoes, I wouldn't do it with someone else's money!

As long as the debts are being paid off as planned then extra can be spent in my opinion.

Me and my partner have £2k on a credit card, we pah a set amount each month. As long as that is paid we can use the rest of our money for whatever we want

If you are the higher earner OP and he's spending your money, then YANBU.

Are the debts joint or his?

Ignore the ones saying they are not expensive.... They don't live in the real world and probably have 6 figure earnings and don't understand the struggles of the less fortunate.

You and he should get the same allowance for clothes over the cpurse of a year. If you are always scrimping on yourself whilst he splurges then thats not on. Equally if he buys the occasional more expensive item for every 5 cheaper ones you buy then that's fair too. So in our family dh has his hsir cut far more often than I do but the barber is much cheaper than my hairdresser (which isnt exactly fair either but thats another issue).

Things are tight financially
You can't and wouldn't spend that much
He doesn't have access to that kind of money as far as you know and has been in debt in the past
He didn't discuss

The absolute amount is not the point it's relative to different situations.
Some people will see £75 as not much others a lot.
The amount is a lot in the OPs finances and so should be treated as if it were whatever amount other posters would baulk at >> £100 / £500 / £1000.

YANBU have you asked him where he got the money from?