To be angry about DH's shoes?

[smartcarnotsosmartdriver]

I kind of feel like I might be.

We aren't poor but we aren't well off either and we have some debts that we're paying off.

DH bought himself a new pair of dress shoes yesterday. They look really nice. I was at work and he bought them by himself. Not unusual as we don't get a lot of time together.

After he left for work I noticed that they were a decent brand and wondered how much they cost so I looked them up online.

He spent £75 on a pair of shoes. We don't usually spend a lot on clothes as it's not really required. If I'd had that amount of money spare I'd have spent it on something nice for both of us which I think is why I'm so annoyed.

On the flip side I know it's his money that he works for and if he wants to buy himself something nice surely he should be allowed to?

Hey may only wear them a few times a year but that could be for the next 5 years

£5 per wear is very poor value.

It's not true that expensive shoes last longer than cheap ones. DS wears dress shoes for school. He has the cheaper end Clarks ones (less than £40) wears them every day, walking about 5-8 miles a day in what are supposed to be evening shoes and every pair lasts a year -18 months.

I think the real issue here is that OP wouldn't treat herself so easily when money is tight and she's upset that he does. That's an imbalance in the relationship that needs discussing. DH used to be like that and it was a huge issue.

So many people missing the point because they are so eager to point out £75 isn't a lot of money to them.

TBH I would be more concerned about the amount he’s spending on cigarettes. At least the shoes will last, and are less likely to kill him. That said, if you don’t have £75 spare then you don’t have it.

I think the car should be part of the household expenses , especially if it’s used to get you to work, buying household shopping, family journeys etc.

If I was so hard that I had to wear £19 shoes to work then I’d also be pissed off at my DH buying cigarettes ( instead of roll ups ) and take away coffees. Let alone dress shoes at £75 taht he will wear 4 times a year.

How much does he smoke and spent on take away ss and what’s your equivalent little luxury ?

In fairness, as has been said, decent dress shoes for men do cost that much. But they should last a long time, so even though it's a big outlay now, it shouldn't need to be repeated for a few years.

My dh spent £600 on pair so £75 seems ok.

Quaility not quantity is usually best.

If it turns out that he’s got into debt for them and you end up bailing him out then YANBU.
If he’s budgeted for them out of his personal money then YABU.
The only way you’ll know the answer to that is by talking to him.

By dress shoes do you mean black patent to go with a dinner suit?

Yanbu op.
Well.... Maybe not.

If he's paying an equal share of all expenses and you both have the exact same amount of "fun money" each then he can do what he wants with it I suppose. But it doesn't sound like that's quite the case from your posts. It sounds like you cover more of the bills than he does. If he had extra money for whatever reason above and beyond your evenly split "fun money" then that should be going into the family pot.

It's possible though that his coffees and cigs etc over the last few months have only cost say £50 a month so he's got a bit extra at the end of every month that's piled up.

He doesn't smoke as much as he used to, he is cutting down and I'm hoping he'll quit.
In all fairness my work shoes are ok because I got them in the sale.
My little luxuries are usually some nice squash when I do the big shop at pay day and to be honest I see my car as a luxury as I'm not used to having one and it's so much easier than walking back from the shops.
I use the car to get to and from work, to get the shopping and if we go out anywhere we take it. It's really handy for taking the cat to the vets too and at the weekends I usually pick DH up from the train station when he's finished work to save him the walk but it didn't seem like enough for him to have to pay? Earlier in the year I was told on here that I would be unreasonable to ask him for petrol money when I have to drive him to work over new year. It's 27 miles each way.

And yes dress shoes as in formal shoes to wear with a tux. He's a chef so doesn't use them for work.

There's another thread on MN right now about an OH who splurged on a tattoo of a skull on his head!!

So whilst I appreciate that your DH's shoes and how he's paying for them are a very important issue for your relationship, just remember it could be worse!

explodingkittensexpansion

My dh spent £600 on pair so £75 seems ok.

Quaility not quantity is usually best.

that's good to know , are you stupid... Its not the point! Read it properly, I spent £18000 on a pair of slippers.. so that's reasonable

I don't think £75 is a lot for shoes, but that isn't the point of this thread. He has spend a whack of money, at a time when it's already expensive, when debts are a concern, just on himself. It seems thoughtless at best.

that's good to know biscuit, are you stupid... Its not the point! Read it properly, I spent £18000 on a pair of slippers.. so that's reasonable

You have a serious anger problem or drunk?

Step away and calm down

If you abuse people on the internet like this I hate to think how you treat family and friends.

So long as he takes care of them he won’t need another pair for the rest of his life (if he wears them as little as you say he does).

You shouldn't have to "ask him for petrol money". You should just fill up the car whenever and use the joint account. And if there's a shortfall then you say "next month DH we both have to put in £50 more each" or whatever. He sounds like a dick Tbh, you have to pay for the car yet he gets all the benefits and a chauffeur thrown in for free? Off the point completely but why doesn't he drive?

£75 is a lot to me. I've never spent that much on shoes and me and OH usually discuss single items costing over around £50 as we'd have to budget for them. Personally I can't see the issue with a cheap pair if they're only going to be worn a couple of times a year, I'd definitely be a bit OP. You say you looked them up online, did he get them in the sale elsewhere perhaps?

The car is used for household purposes, it’s a household expense.

I do feel he should contribute towards the car and feel but it might be worth sitting down to review what is a household finance to make sure the balance is right.

I do not think £75 is expensive for a good quality pair of shoes that should last. There are some things in life that are not worth buying cheap in my opinion they are coats and shoes for adults and children.
Buy cheap and you buy twice.

I think you need to have a conversation with your partner, but you should not begrudge him £75 spent on shoes.

Way too much for shoes he doesn’t appear to actually need. Also the car/petrol thing seems really unfair. Think you need to discuss finances and resolve before this gets out of hand.

On threads like this there are often bragging posts about how much money people spend. Perhaps it's not the intent, but they seem quite spiteful to me. It's really unkind to be banging on about your expensive shoes or designer handbag or whatever, when the OP is worried about a much smaller expenditure.
Obviously, on the sliding scale of shoe prices, £75 is not silly money, but that counts for nothing if spending that £75 is likely to cause hardship for the OP (who will probably have to make up the shortfall).

I'd worry that he has got a new credit card that you don't know about. People who have built up debt in the past often just go ahead and do it again sadly.

The issue isn't whether shoes are worth £75 or not, but that there isn't generally that amount of spare money kicking around. My ex used to do things like this, whilst I paid off his debts. On one occasion, his Mum had given him £1000 and he spent it all whilst pretending he had been saving from his salary. I hope it's not something like that, but always best to have a chat about it, as you are intending to do.