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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny didn’t buy DD a birthday card

153 replies

BellePack · 08/12/2018 08:51

Our live out nanny has been with us for four months. She primarily looks after my younger two twins and DD is at nursery 2 1/2 days a week. It was DD’s birthday last week, which she knew about in advance as DD couldn’t contain her excitement leading up to it, but our nanny didn’t get her a card. (She works 3 days and wasn’t working on the day of the birthday; we had invited her to the party but she declined, which is completely fair enough). I feel disappointed and also a bit annoyed about the card. DH says not to worry about it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Ifailed · 08/12/2018 08:53

Would you expect a teacher, or someone working as a child-minder to give her a card?

Costacoffeeplease · 08/12/2018 08:53

Yabu

shamofamockery · 08/12/2018 08:53

YABU.

MynameisJune · 08/12/2018 08:54

She’s an employee not friends or family. As long as she treats your children with care and compassion I wouldn’t fuss over a card.

longwayoff · 08/12/2018 08:56

Not only YABU but ridiculous. Stop it.

TokyoSushi · 08/12/2018 08:56

YABU it's a bit like a teacher or childminder doing a job, perhaps that's how she sees herself, as an employee rather than a friend.

As long as she's good with the DC's I wouldn't encourage her to become any further involved.

HeddaGarbled · 08/12/2018 08:58

Yes, YABU.

underneaththeash · 08/12/2018 08:59

All our nannies (live-out) and au pairs have always not only got the children cards, but also presents. I think that's very odd. Try re-posing in nannies section in childcare, I suspect the PP have not had nannies previously.

InDubiousBattle · 08/12/2018 09:00

YANBU, a nanny is a pretty close relationship and you can buy a card for 30p. All of the cms I know get their mindees birthday and Christmas cards.

KittyClaus · 08/12/2018 09:02

Can your child read? If not what’s the point at this age?!

InDubiousBattle · 08/12/2018 09:02

longwayoff why is it ridiculous? Buying a child you know a birthday card is hardly unusually generous or a massively effortful.

W0rriedMum · 08/12/2018 09:03

Yes I would be a bit miffed but would quickly get over it, as you will too.
As the long-term employer to nannies, I have never seen a nanny not buy a child a card or a small present. I try to stop our current one spending her wages but she buys them a t-shirt from somewhere like Primark which is always a hit.
It would say to me that she seems this as just a job and maybe even a temporary one.
She may have just forgotten though.

Ktay · 08/12/2018 09:03

I seem to be in the minority but I’d find it a bit odd. Yes nannies are employees but it’s a special sort of relationship.

At least you know not to bother with a birthday card/present for her 😉

W0rriedMum · 08/12/2018 09:05

How is she doing otherwise?
I also recommend moving to the Nanny section. It is a fair bit different to a nursery nurse or teacher not getting your child a car so I don't think all these replies are useful.

Ecofluffynanny · 08/12/2018 09:06

I'm a teacher (Y1). I do give my children birthday cards. Lots of teachers do. But equally, many don't, so I'm guessing that Nannies are the same...some will, some won't. It's hardly the crime of the century is it? Perspective is needed here I think...does she do a good job (and remember, it IS a job!) or not? That's really all that matters.

W0rriedMum · 08/12/2018 09:06

Card, not car
Ha ha

MrsJane · 08/12/2018 09:07

My childminders always got my dc a card and present for birthdays and Christmas. Didn't expect it but thought it was a lovely gesture. And we got them something for their birthday too. And for Christmas.

I think it's odd to not even give her a card... As another poster has said, don't bother with her birthday then!

seventhgonickname · 08/12/2018 09:07

Unless your dd is upset(she probably hasn't noticed)then YABU.

Micke · 08/12/2018 09:07

I don't get the fuss over cards at all, but yes, my nannies (and childminders, and even just regular babysitters) have all got something for a child's birthday/Christmas (or other local, child related holiday) - something small: some sweets, or a pair of socks, but a token.

It's odd, but I wouldn't really worry about it either, I would just take it as that she is treating the relationship with your family as very much an employer/employee one rather than the slightly closer relationship that nannies normally have.

jellycat1 · 08/12/2018 09:08

Are you for real?!!
Massively YABU and i dread to think what else you get worked up about.

W0rriedMum · 08/12/2018 09:08

@Ecofluffynanny A teacher is totally different.
You have 30 per class and have very little 1:1 time.
A nanny is in your home in loco parentis all day, hugging them when they fall, putting them down for naps, getting frustrated when they don't do their homework..
I think it becomes a vocation like nursing

KC225 · 08/12/2018 09:08

She has only been there four months, she mainly looks after the younger ones and she didn't work there on the say of the birthday. First world problems. I doubt if the child is upset.

ComeOnComeOnComeOnGetThroughIt · 08/12/2018 09:09

Get a grip OP.

Auntiepatricia · 08/12/2018 09:09

You’re being ridiculous! And she’s only been with you 4 months. She wasn’t there on the actual birthday sand it’s her job. And kids couldn’t give a shit about cards usually so they are a waste of money.

My full time nanny of 4 yrs doesn’t do cards or birthday pressies, although does get them something at Christmas. But she bloody loves them and looks after them excellently. Give them special treatment on their birthday. Puts up all the party decorations for them and preps food for their parties.

explodingkittensexpansion · 08/12/2018 09:10

How old is she? Card giving us no longer a thing.