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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nanny didn’t buy DD a birthday card

153 replies

BellePack · 08/12/2018 08:51

Our live out nanny has been with us for four months. She primarily looks after my younger two twins and DD is at nursery 2 1/2 days a week. It was DD’s birthday last week, which she knew about in advance as DD couldn’t contain her excitement leading up to it, but our nanny didn’t get her a card. (She works 3 days and wasn’t working on the day of the birthday; we had invited her to the party but she declined, which is completely fair enough). I feel disappointed and also a bit annoyed about the card. DH says not to worry about it. AIBU?

OP posts:

Frozenteatowel · 08/12/2018 13:32

That’s a good point re cultural differences with card giving. In Germany it’s very bad luck to even wish someone a happy birthday before the actual day. If your nanny is from overseas it might explain why no card was given.

EbbandTheWanderingHearts · 08/12/2018 13:35

As a nanny for over 20yrs, I've always given cards and a small gift for all my nanny charges and a card for my employers. Equally my employers have always given me a card and present. It's pretty standard in all the nanny circles I've been in.

Bellatrix14 · 08/12/2018 13:47

Teachers and childminders (to an extent) are completely different because they have multiple children to look after, and are not working in the child’s home!

You can’t do anything about it (I certainly wouldn’t mention it to her), but if I were you I would be surprised that she hadn’t bothered, and it would make me think that she didn’t care about the children very much, which would personally worry me.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 08/12/2018 13:50

I would be a little surprised but I wouldn’t think about it too much. I would expect maybe a card and a small book which you could get for a couple of pound but if she is good with your children that is at far more important.
Do you know when your nanny’s birthday is out of interest op?

icannotremember · 08/12/2018 13:52

Yabu.

Beansonapost · 08/12/2018 13:55

YABU and I second ridiculous.

Get a grip and hold on to it and get over yourself and your self importance it's a card... she's 2.... she won't even remember in a months time.

starzig · 08/12/2018 15:32

How precious. I never send cards. Waste of space for a few days and go straight in the bin. Glitter ones are even worse.

A580Hojas · 08/12/2018 15:37

Yanbu. I would be a little upset by that too.

Original poster

BellePack · 08/12/2018 16:21

Wow! The responses! Some helpful, some, er, presumptuous!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hung up on it, of course there are far bigger problems in everyday life, and this isn’t even a problem, I just thought it was a bit odd and wanted some other opinions. So that’s what I got. A mixed bag. I’m not alone in my view. And I am not hung up on it at all.
Btw, It’s definitely not an environmental thing. She isn’t particularly environmental whereas I am, and no this isn’t a bugbear before anyone else gets started. And I don’t really buy the environmental thing as you can make recycled cards. It’s the thought that counts.

OP posts:

MondayImInLove · 08/12/2018 16:39

Our old nanny still sends cards fors DC’s birthdays and for Christmas. And we do the same for her.

EmeraldVillage · 08/12/2018 18:56

OP I would ignore the more unpleasant comments. When you post on a general ward about any nanny or au pair issue quite a few people find it outrageous if you have any expectations of them whatsoever.

Zbag · 08/12/2018 19:00

Yanbu. I'd be annoyed, she obviously doesn't care about dd enough if she cant even get a card!

Yerroblemom1923 · 08/12/2018 19:05

She's probably just being professional and mindful of boundaries.

Notasunnybunny · 08/12/2018 19:10

I do card for my parents, dh and that’s about it. My step children are in their 20’s and don’t do cards and are vocal about the lack of importance they give to them, my ds 13 also has no interest. I wouldn’t give cards to very young children as they really couldn’t care either. I remember how disinterested I was in them as a child, let’s face it, as a kid you like presents, a folded piece of card someone has written on gas zero meaning or interest value.
I think op what you mean is you wanted a card, I’m sure your dd couldn’t give a hoot. This person is a paid carer, the giving of a card would simply be a PR excercise.

dementedma · 08/12/2018 19:31

she is paid to look after your dd in your absence. if she fulfills this role to the best of her professional ability then what more do you want?
Not buying a card for a very young child who she has only known for a couple of months is hardly a major crisis. The birthday fell on her day off - for which she was probably eternally grateful!
(and yes, I have both been an au pair, and employed one)

A580Hojas · 08/12/2018 21:30

OP hasn't said anywhere it's "a major crisis".

BumsexAtTheBingo · 08/12/2018 23:03

I’ll assume that you don’t know when your nanny’s birthday is then op. Maybe it’s the same day 😂

Ifailed · 09/12/2018 10:34

if a nanny does buy a birthday card and/or present, can they claim for it on expenses if it is considered to be part of their job?

rubaduhlo · 09/12/2018 16:09

That's just a silly comment to make Ifailed

JellyBears · 09/12/2018 16:18

I’m a live out nanny and I personally love buying my charges presents and cards on their bday and Xmas. But my employers never expect me too and would understand if I didn’t.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 09/12/2018 17:22

Stop raising entitled children!
If your daughter isn’t bothered why are you? She doesn’t have to buy anyone anything.

maddiemookins16mum · 09/12/2018 17:44

I always got something for my charges, I’m still in touch with one family from 1984 and ordered books for their own children for Christmas just yesterday. I’m not sure how it got to the stage where my oldest charge is now fast approaching her 40th birthday 😫😫

YearOfYouRemember · 09/12/2018 17:51

Some people do do cards. How silly to say otherwise.

I'm surprised she didn't give anything but don't let it cloud your feelings of her as a nanny. If she does her job correctly that is more important.

I was a nanny. I always bough the childrent Christmas and birthday cards and presents including loads when I left.

TigerTooth · 09/12/2018 17:53

Ecofluffynanny
I'm a teacher (Y1). I do give my children birthday cards. Lots of teachers do. But equally, many don't, so I'm guessing that Nannies are the same...some will, some won't. It's hardly the crime of the century is it? Perspective is needed here I think...does she do a good job (and remember, it IS a job!) or not? That's really all that matters

I have NEVER heard of this, I've been a primary teacher for 22 years and have never bought a child a birthday card, never known a colleague to do so either - what if you forgot one? What about those who's birthday is in the holidays?
I also have 4 children of my own ranging from 8-20yrs and none of them have ever bought home a B'day card.

As for the Nanny. It's only 4 months, I would have thought she would have given a card but it's not a big issue I don't think.

starray · 09/12/2018 17:54

YABVU. But I find card giving a waste of money and the earth's resources anyway. All those trees to make all those cards....

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