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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny didn’t buy DD a birthday card

153 replies

BellePack · 08/12/2018 08:51

Our live out nanny has been with us for four months. She primarily looks after my younger two twins and DD is at nursery 2 1/2 days a week. It was DD’s birthday last week, which she knew about in advance as DD couldn’t contain her excitement leading up to it, but our nanny didn’t get her a card. (She works 3 days and wasn’t working on the day of the birthday; we had invited her to the party but she declined, which is completely fair enough). I feel disappointed and also a bit annoyed about the card. DH says not to worry about it. AIBU?

OP posts:
stealthbanana · 08/12/2018 09:10

I’d find it extremely odd if my nanny didn’t get my kids a card. It’s completely different to a teacher ffs.

That said I probably would just get over it but it’d make me watch her a bit more closely to make sure the relationship is really there.

LynetteScavo · 08/12/2018 09:10

It is a bit odd.

I card and a book would be normal for a nanny to give to a child.

But you need to let it go.

GrandmaSharksDentures · 08/12/2018 09:11

Is your child upset?

Starlight456 · 08/12/2018 09:11

I think younger people send cards far less than the older generation.

I think she is setting firm boundaries this is her job . Doesn’t make her a bad Nanny

grumiosmum · 08/12/2018 09:11

Perhaps the nanny cares about the environment and doesn't want to add to the mountain of waste on the planet with a pointless and futile exercise in consumerism?

SoyDora · 08/12/2018 09:11

My child’s pre school gets the DC a card (and they have 75 children) so yes, I’d be surprised at a nanny not getting one.
Maybe she’d had a particularly busy week, or had things going on though so I wouldn’t get too worked up about it.

Auntiepatricia · 08/12/2018 09:12

I don’t give cards to my own family. I’d say most people don’t do cards anymore.

Pachyderm1 · 08/12/2018 09:12

I think this is a bit odd. Ok it’s not her job, but I would have thought this would be something she might do. I wouldn’t say / do anything if she’s generally good, though.

MyCatIsAFiend · 08/12/2018 09:14

I think it depends on how much you like her as a nanny as to how miffed you should be! But for reference, we use childminders (two so far due to a house move) and they have always given our DC a small birthday present and card, same at Christmas, huge bag of sweets at Halloween/Easter....we have been very surprised and touched by their generosity.

So while YMightBU to be miffed, I think YANBU to find it a bit odd that she didn't mark your DD's birthday.

SaucyJack · 08/12/2018 09:15

All of the the playgroups and crèches my girls attended gave out birthday cards, so I don’t think YABU to have noticed.

But if she’s otherwise great with the children, then best to move and forget about it. It is just a job for her when all’s said and done.

Hundredacrewoods · 08/12/2018 09:16

Have/would you give the nanny a card on her birthday/Christmas?

Auntiepatricia · 08/12/2018 09:20

Please don’t overreact. Honestly my nanny is the best nanny in the world hands down and she doesn’t give the kids a card. It means nothing. I hate giving cards. It means nothing about how good I am at my job and how much I care for people.

Ecofluffynanny · 08/12/2018 09:21

@W0rriedMum of course it's different, I didn't suggest otherwise...my response was to the posters who said that teachers wouldn't give cards so why expect a nanny to...of course they do! Lots do! And teaching ABSOLUTELY IS a vocation 'just like nursing' 🙄

Giving cards is nothing to do with your job or relationship...it's merely a personal choice. (It might also be cultural...we don't know this information in this instance). And to judge someone's character, or commitment to their role, by their 'card giving preferences' is beyond precious!

Juells · 08/12/2018 09:22

Have my very first 'Get a grip' 🤣

ExcitedForChristmas18 · 08/12/2018 09:25

I haven't got a nanny, but if it was me I would hope that the nanny and the children would have a friendship. So a card would make me think, she/he does think a lot of them and it isn't just a job!!

I don't think at all your being unreasonable!

diddl · 08/12/2018 09:25

" I feel disappointed and also a bit annoyed about the card. "

Oh dear-just listen to yourself.

It's perhaps unusual, but I don't think that it should really be bothering you.

Do you think that there's some underlying motive??

Ohyesiam · 08/12/2018 09:33

If this is her only sin I’d move on.

iamthere123 · 08/12/2018 09:34

If teaching isn’t a vocation please explain why I did my third 12 hr day in school this week yesterday ... 🙄

brizzledrizzle · 08/12/2018 09:35

YABU. Would you expect a teacher to buy her a birthday card? She's doing her job and isn't a family friend (and even then I don't think a card should be expected)

NataliaOsipova · 08/12/2018 09:37

I’d agree that younger people don’t “do” cards in the same way. And she didn’t see your DD on her birthday, so probably didn’t feel the need to acknowledge the event. Nothing to worry about.

HellonHeels · 08/12/2018 09:38

Perhaps she's a jehovah's witness or some other religion that doesn't do birthdays at all?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/12/2018 09:38

It would have been a nice thing for her to do but she I think YABU to be so annoyed she didn't tbh. She's employed by you, not family or a friend.

Jayfee · 08/12/2018 09:39

YABU

Maryann1975 · 08/12/2018 09:41

I’m a childminder and used to be a nanny and think it’s really weird she didn’t acknowledge your dds birthday. I and all the other nannies and cms I know would get a small present and card to mark a child’s birthday. Doesn’t cost much but shows you have thought about the child.

AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo · 08/12/2018 09:41

Cards are on the way out, I think. It's just we've been raised with the idea that they are What You Do, so we're in a bit of an awkward transition period. (They are also very UK-specific, I think. Where I am you phone people on their birthdays instead of, not as well as, giving a card). I find them pointless unless sent through the post to someone you will actually see.

YABabitU, and I wouldn't set any store by this if things are otherwise fine.