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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to give my friend a lift?

285 replies

User17890672345 · 06/12/2018 10:59

My friend has moved house, she doesn't drive, and our children go to the same school.

She dropped her daughters off the other week, and it was raining, she asked if I would mind giving her a lift home as they had got soaked walking to school, so I said yes.

Now, every time it rains, she asks me for a lift - I wouldn't mind but she lives the other side of town to me, so it takes me a 3 mile round trip out of my way each time I give her a lift home (her walking route is shorter than this, about 1/2 a mile)

I feel like I've made a rod for my own back, she's a great friend, but I worry about winter coming and the snow, and having to drive her home all the time, I've already given her 5 lifts - that's 15 miles of petrol that isn't in my budget either.

Our children are in the lower stages of school, so if I don't do something now I think she'll expect this for years to come.

What do I say to her? I feel so put on the spot when she asks me

OP posts:
LonelyandTiredandLow · 06/12/2018 16:20

Can't remember who posted about the council having to provide transport if the school is 2miles away? Not true for us - school is 7 miles away in a village and over half of its pupils are from the nearest town. The poor villagers hate us descending on them to park but the council won't provide a bus. Mainly because there is one other primary this end of town that is always in special measures and I think if we had been turned away from that they would have. No one wants to risk it as there was rumour that it was going to be closed down. I'd pay for a shool bus without hesitation. Hour of my life twice a day!

BrightYellowDaffodil · 06/12/2018 16:20

@Quipsandquotes - this, exactly! I used to give lifts and I’ve quietly let it drop as one of the people to whom I gave lifts seemed oblivious to the amount of time “swinging by mine to pick me up on your way” ACTUALLY took when I factored in heavy town centre traffic in rush hour.

SushiMonster · 06/12/2018 16:21

Half a mile? MASSIVE LOL

I live half a mile from the tube, its

KatKit16 · 06/12/2018 16:25

Just keep saying you're running late & don't want her to be too

loubluee · 06/12/2018 16:30

Excuse for the rest of the term ‘I can’t sorry I have a delivery- you know what ‘delivery provider of choice’ are like I could find my parcel in the tree if I’m not home to get it’

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 06/12/2018 17:28

God almighty, half a bloody mile??? Just one school run for me is 4 fecking miles, and yes, we walk it, in every weather. Kids need the exercise, they need to understand to be prepared for the weather, and it builds their street smarts to realise that an awful lot of drivers are complete fuckwits. I got hit by a car yesterday, so might be a teensy bit bitter (they swung round a junction without slowing or indicating when we were already halfway across the road) and don't mean to come across as one of the 4 Yorkshiremen.

I never, ever, ask for a lift, and frequently refuse offers of them. If I accept, it means I'm probably quite ill. My decision to accept a house so far away from school. My decision to make us walk. Your friend is a CF, OP. Agree that you should just say 'hmmm, unfortunately I have to....

FrancisCrawford · 06/12/2018 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DaffydownClock · 06/12/2018 18:09

Just as well CF friend doesn't have the 1.5 mile walk each way to school followed by a 1.75 mile walk in the opposite direction for DGS's nursery.
The two walks take a minimum of an hour twice a day, regardless of weather and zero chance of a lift or buses.
Buy her wellies and a brolly for Christmas 🙂

DaffydownClock · 06/12/2018 18:10

Oops! Nearer two hours twice a day....

MutedUser · 06/12/2018 18:50

Wow lonely 7 miles and they won’t provide a bus and there is no school within a reasonable walking distance that’s awful. Maybe our local council is better than I thought even high school kids get provided with a bus if the distance is over 3 miles for them. It’s all done with safe walking too so if you live closer but there is no safe route then a bus will be provided also. So your local council expects people who can’t drive to walk 4 and 5 years old along country roads for 7 miles .

MutedUser · 06/12/2018 18:53

Should add that the council wouldn’t provide transport If you chose to go to a school that is not your allocated school as that is then seen as your choice .

fibonaccisequins · 06/12/2018 19:05

Adding to the chorus of 'it's only half a mile!' I can run that in 4 mins - suggest she takes up running perhaps? Wink
I walked everywhere, including a 5 mile round trip to my part time job, when I was at uni a million years ago, and I try to instil this in my DC too. Walking does them no harm.
Nah, I gave a CF school mum a run home ages ago, when the rain was stotting (Scotland) off the ground, and it was blowing a hoolie. She seemed to think this meant i had become her personal taxi driver, on a daily basis. Unfortunately for her I don't give a shit about being 'rude' so would happily get in the car and drive off, waving cheerfully, as she stood around hinting and hinting about how tired she was, and how far away her house was. If she'd asked? I'd probably have given her a lift, but I couldn't be arsed with the hinting about how hard her life was.
She learned how to drive, and I've since heard her moaning about non drivers expecting lifts. I just have a wee grin to myself.
Be busy, or just say no, it doesn't make you a bad person to have boundaries.

Blatherskite · 06/12/2018 19:06

Buy her a Fitbit and she'll want to walk it to get her steps up :)

Holidayshopping · 06/12/2018 19:20

There's also a lack of understanding with drivers quite how difficult it is to get around when there isn't public transport or when it's raining.

And exactly why is that the problem of anyone else?!

If it’s difficult-learn to drive your own car or get a cab. If either of those are too expensive-spare a thought for the drivers who are paying for their car, tax, insurance and MOT. It’s not their responsibility to drive non-drivers around.

Holidayshopping · 06/12/2018 19:21

Wow lonely 7 miles and they won’t provide a bus and there is no school within a reasonable walking distance that’s awful. Maybe our local council is better than I thought even high school kids get provided with a bus if the distance is over 3 miles for them. It’s all done with safe walking too so if you live closer but there is no safe route then a bus will be provided also. So your local council expects people who can’t drive to walk 4 and 5 years old along country roads for 7 miles

Are you in England?

MutedUser · 06/12/2018 19:26

No I’m scotland

Rayn · 06/12/2018 19:59

Agree with the poster who said if you can't drive or choose not to drive then you need to make sure you live near good transport links.
Common sense!!

itneverrainsitpours · 06/12/2018 20:02

Just tell her that you're not going that way....

Miggeldy · 06/12/2018 21:29

You need to tell her, otherwise you'll be giving her lifts forever.

PocketFluff · 06/12/2018 21:38

Another one adding that half a mile isn't far. I leave my car on the drive and walk that distance every day. I wouldn't consider driving, it's a ten minute walk! Once a week I walk there and back four times in a day! There and back for school morning drop off, there and back for Preschool lunchtime drop off, there and back for Preschool pick up and then there and back for after school club pick up Grin!

M4J4 · 06/12/2018 22:24

Opeeeeeee, where art thou?

Woooman · 07/12/2018 10:01

I can't believe anyone would make a fuss about walking half a mile, rain or not. It's less than a ten minute walk for goodness sake. We live a half mile walk from my dd's school and even though I do drive and have access to a car, I haven't once driven up to school despite rain, snow, winds etc because it is the absolute height of laziness to not walk such a short distance. It's never even crossed my mind to drive to school tbh. Besides, it isn't any more unpleasant walking in the rain than it would be driving through school traffic, finding parking along busy congested roads and loading/unloading kids in and out of the car.

Angiemum24 · 07/12/2018 17:27

If it’s only a five minute walk to school then walk. Problem solved.

Holidayshopping · 07/12/2018 17:29

Did it rain today, OP?

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 07/12/2018 17:30

It wouldn’t bother me. Unless you’re driving a Bugatti veyron I doubt 15 miles of fuel is actually that much. Perhaps you could start walking with your daughter