To not want to give my friend a lift?

[User17890672345]

My friend has moved house, she doesn't drive, and our children go to the same school.

She dropped her daughters off the other week, and it was raining, she asked if I would mind giving her a lift home as they had got soaked walking to school, so I said yes.

Now, every time it rains, she asks me for a lift - I wouldn't mind but she lives the other side of town to me, so it takes me a 3 mile round trip out of my way each time I give her a lift home (her walking route is shorter than this, about 1/2 a mile)

I feel like I've made a rod for my own back, she's a great friend, but I worry about winter coming and the snow, and having to drive her home all the time, I've already given her 5 lifts - that's 15 miles of petrol that isn't in my budget either.

Our children are in the lower stages of school, so if I don't do something now I think she'll expect this for years to come.

What do I say to her? I feel so put on the spot when she asks me

School runs in the weather are dreadful, especially with DC2 walking at snails pace and the buses always being late but it's why I'm learning to drive, I definitely wouldn't expect lifts from friends though unless it was an emergency. Just say you can't and quickly change the conversation, nobody is owed a lift! you don't need to feel guilty for it, she would have taken distance into consideration when moving home.

Half a mile in the rain is fine. A raincoat or umbrella will keep you dry. It’s a short walk if you are fit and mobile.

I agree with this. Fuck's sake, why can people not cope with a bit of weather? And I don't have any words for the occasions when she's just tired or 'CBA walking home' (well I do, but only rude ones).

Can you walk to school OP?

If nothing else, at least warn her, "I don't do snow."

I agree with DarlingNikita. It's like people can't cope with a bit of rain. I walk 20 minutes one way for the school run rather than my OWN car as I want my ds to become accustomed to all kinds of weather. Your friend's laziness is teaching her dc unhelpful lessons about life.

Just say no. It is not your responsibility to give her lifts and you don't want to be doing this for the next goodness knows how many years.

I don't drive, but I don't expect others to drive me either. I walk, take the bus or a taxi if needsbe. I might, occasionally, ask a friend for a lift if I know they're going there anyway, but will then buy the coffee or something as a thank you.

Someone DP knows has form for taking the piss over lifts. Can't possibly take a bus anywhere, or walk, yet expects someone to go and buy him things as and when he needs it, half the time not actually going with them as that would be far too much hassle for the poor dear. Some mug got roped in to providing such a service a few years ago, and is only now managing to extricate themselves. It started as a one-off, but then became expected. Don't fall into the same trap.

There's also a lack of understanding with drivers quite how difficult it is to get around when there isn't public transport or when it's raining.

Oh my heart breaks - if it's that dreadful then learn to drive FFS.

OP YANBU. The occasional lift is one thing, but she sounds like she's taking the piss TBH. Asking for a lift because she "CBA" walking just smacks of laziness and indicates that she's happy to take advantage of you.

She is being U.Im 38 and don't drive and raining or not I walk to the school run because I've no other option.Its my fault I don't drive so I happily suck it up,I would never expect a lift off a friend who drove.

HOWEVER, there is also almost an expectation if someone is "lucky" enough to drive and own a car, that they almost "owe" people who don't drive

There really isn't.

Whilst I'm soft and would probably end up in a situation like the OP, and wouldn't see anybody struggle, I don't owe any one a lift.

It cost me a bloody fortune to learn to drive, and a lot of stress, and I still don't like driving even now.

Whenever I get the arse-clench about saying no, I replace ‘no’ with ‘better not’.

I know it sounds daft, and I’m a grown woman I should be able to give a curt NO yadda yadda, but it works for me. So next time she asks, you could give it a breezy

‘Ohhh better not, got shedloads on/ stuff to do/phone call expected etc’

and carry on as you were without letting her get another word in for a minute or two

@Birdsgottafly it takes me 15-20 mins longer, and I double back on myself and drive back past the school to make my own journey home, as we live at completely opposite ends of town.

If you’ve not bought her a Christmas gift yet, might I suggest an umbrella?

YANBU

It would be a bit mean to refuse if she was living next door, but it's a bit much to expect a lift at the other side of town. She decided to move, it's her problem. It's easier to refuse, you just can't because you don't have the time to make a detour.

Of course it's not fun to walk in the rain, but she just needs to carry dry clothes and shoes for the kids in a bag, and get them changed when they arrive at school. Many people do that.

in fact I actively refuse lifts - sometimes having to argue really quite hard to say no! - just to make it quite clear that I'm not one of those non-drivers who expects other people to ferry me around.
that's just as ridiculous, you sound rude if people are trying to be pleasant. It's not going to insult their ancestors if you agree to a lift once .in a while.

The subtle knife and fork while I agree it’s not the OP responsibility to take the lady home in the rain. It isn’t as simple as she should learn to drive loads of people can’t learn to drive .

Does she repay favours in other ways eg looking after your kids etc? If so then I’d carry on but make occasional excuses so that she realises she can’t assume. If not then you need to take deep breath and say that it adds quite a lot to the time and cost of the journey so you can only really afford to do it for emergencies.

I am a non driver but learning to drive currently so can see it from the ladies perspective as well as the drivers, I hope that I am considerate and do not take the piss, she should be offering something for your petrol. If you don't want to do it, tell her that it does not work for you as it is out of your way and you don't always go straight home. I would rather somebody be direct and honest with me than do something that they are unhappy with and begrudge it.

If you’ve not bought her a Christmas gift yet, might I suggest an umbrella?

How far you are from school OP?

Hi op,imho you are best at being honest and saying to her you cannot afford to give her regular lifts and you have commitments of your own.she might be taken aback a bit initially but she will respect you for your honesty.if you want to,you can add that this won't curtail the very occasional lift in extreme bad weather but she cannot rely on a lift every time it's cold and wet.

Exactly. You just need the right gear and you're fine. All through my school years, from 5 years old, I walked to school in all weathers as we didn't have a car.
I'm not allowed to drive because of eyesight, so it'll be the same for our DCs.
We only occasionally got a lift from halfway if one of my classmates' parents was running late or from my grandfather who lived down the road (if it was really chucking it down).
I'd rather bite my tongue in two than ask for a lift unless there is a pretty good reason (like a broken leg or something).

Op you have to tell her you don’t have the funds to drive her home and that it is silly for you to be doubling back on yourself. I would do it sooner than later as the weather is only getting worse. Next it will be it’s so icy or it’s snowing .

@DontCallMeCharlotte just over 2.5 miles

I can't drive & have 3 DC that I have to schlep 1.5 miles to school, we got absolutely drenched the other day when the heavens opened but I would never expect anyone to give us a lift, it's just what we have to do unfortunately. I totally get your predicament as my DH is in the same situation with a work colleague, if you feel awkward about asking for petrol money I would either make appointments excuses that are in the opposite direction or say you can drop her at yours but she'll have to make her own way from there?
I'd wager she'd stop asking after the first few times!