To not want to give my friend a lift?

[User17890672345]

My friend has moved house, she doesn't drive, and our children go to the same school.

She dropped her daughters off the other week, and it was raining, she asked if I would mind giving her a lift home as they had got soaked walking to school, so I said yes.

Now, every time it rains, she asks me for a lift - I wouldn't mind but she lives the other side of town to me, so it takes me a 3 mile round trip out of my way each time I give her a lift home (her walking route is shorter than this, about 1/2 a mile)

I feel like I've made a rod for my own back, she's a great friend, but I worry about winter coming and the snow, and having to drive her home all the time, I've already given her 5 lifts - that's 15 miles of petrol that isn't in my budget either.

Our children are in the lower stages of school, so if I don't do something now I think she'll expect this for years to come.

What do I say to her? I feel so put on the spot when she asks me

@MyDcAreMarvel, use your brain. The friend takes a short cut on the walk. I used to take my DC to school and walk via a wooded area. We had to have coats, hats, umbrellas, as well as wellies for the mud, but it was never a problem regardless of the weather. I could have driven but the road route was much longer, and parking was atrocious anyway. You can't always drive the way you walk.

She asks you for a lift in the OPPOSITE direction to your house. That's rubbish of her.

In a proper pouring down storm, OK. But as a general rule - no.

Just say "Sorry, can't today, I'm in a rush." On repeat.

She needs to learn to drive or get an account with a local mini cab if she doesn’t want to walk. 1/2 a mile is only 10 mins.

MutedUser

Fine, but if you're in a position where you can't choose where to live then you need a contingency plan that doesn't involve scrounging lifts.

This would annoy me too. If people don’t have the interest or finances to drive that’s fair enough but they shouldn’t expect others to drive them around all the time.

I have a friend who was given a free car by her sister, got free driving lessons paid for (as she was on benefits at the time) and STILL couldn’t be arsed learning after three lessons. She expects lifts regularly - it’s maddening!

Havent RTFT but nip this in the bid OP. I befriended a lady like this, almost exactly the same as your Op-no car, raining etc. Long story short she ended up divorcing her husband about a year and a half later. I was roped into painting their house to sell (he worked she was a stay at home mum), weeding/mowing/cutting back the garden, driving them to and from school every day and doing dinner most evenings. Then when the divorce hit the fan they ended up living with me for 4 months. I won't go into more details as it's already quite outing but basically she was using me massively. If I could do one thing for my past self it would be to just draw a line in the sand and stick to it. One day a week lifts? Fine. Don't agree to more. She may well not be the same type but your OP was identical, so I'm wary!

I walk over half a mile to the shops and home, uphill, carrying my groceries, and think nothing of it. And I'm lazy as all-get-out. Half a mile really is nothing. It's a cheek to expect someone to drive across town to give you a lift that little distance.

I wouldn't ask for petrol money, that gives someone an entitlement.

the next time she asks tell her shit sorry ive got an appointment to get to and walk off,

the next day or two park a couple of blocks away from the school and when she asks tell her sorry we are walking to day,
and the next day do the same, the 4th day you have visitors to get home to by then you might have broken the cycle, have a list of excuses ready to use, make sure you cross them off as you use them though, do the walking one a couple of times a week though

Can you say you've been trying to make your life greener and have decided not to use the car in the mornings?

As she doesn't drive I think she has no idea how much it costs to run a car. I'd say, so sorry, got to be somewhere. Or if it's raining get to school early and belt it.

Tinkerbellisnotafairy

There's also a lack of understanding with drivers quite how difficult it is to get around when there isn't public transport or when it's raining.

Half a mile in the rain is no fun, especially when you've walked that already with children in tow.

Lack of understanding? Understanding doesn't come into it!
It's not drivers fault someone else hasn't taken their test and bought a car!
She should have done the above before she moved then....
She isn't entitled to get a lift because she can't be arsed to walk 1/2 mile.... What's wrong with an umbrella!
She's taking the piss not even offering petrol money.

Buy a couple of brollies at the £ shop and next time she asks say 'sorry can't today, got to back home for plumber / food shop delivery / daytime tv but I can lend you a brolly' and whip it out of the car for her. Do that a couple of times and she won't bother asking again AND there's no awkwardness on your part because you've given a 'valid' reason but still offered to 'help' as best you can

I was thinking exactly the same thing. She really is a CF, so being a little less than subtle may be necessary.

I don't drive and am gobsmacked that she expects you to drive her home in the opposite direction from your house.

So if you choose to move 2.5 miles from school, the school has to fake responsibility for transporting your children to and from? Surely this can't be true

Any time you give her a lift assume she’s inviting you back for coffee. Just get out of the car, follow her in & eat all her biscuits. That’ll sort her.

She is hard faced asking you to go out of your way.

But you really should have nipped it in the bud and said you can't keep adding to your journey.

The vast majority of people are perfectly capable of learning to drive if they want to.

Obviously if she has a medical condition, or something, that means she actually can't drive then fair enough*, but judging by the fact the OP doesn't mention this, and the fact she's clearly lazy, I'd guess that isn't what's stopping her...

*Although still not fair enough that she's asking for lifts all the time because she CBA. If you can't drive (whether through choice or not) you need to plan your life accordingly, and not expect other people to pick up the slack for you.

She is taking the piss. I walked or took public transportation even when I was in my third trimester and the ground was covered in ice and snow. The bus I took home was often 10 to 40 minutes late and there was no bus shelter. I just planned accordingly and got on with it.

As she can too. I'm surprised that in England she hasn't acquired what's needed to brave the often wet days.

I think @Shelby2010 has the solution!

Either that or make sure that you divert on your way to drop her off. You could get petrol and do a few other chores, or stop somewhere to pick up litter.

Tell her that you are sure she won't mind you doing your little jobs on the way. Maybe she would like to help out with your good deeds?

shelby

Cloudpop I can only speak for Scotland but if you move out of the catchment area you would be expected to move the children to the new school in your area. But if you have primary aged children and the school for your catchment area is 2 miles away then the school must provide transport .

@Shelby

Shelby that may be a solution

I think I’d have said no as soon as it stopped being about just the weather and she asked you because she’s tired or cba.