To give MIL a big waxy cock for Christmas?

[FestiveSchlong]

My family don’t have a lot of money and I’m quite crafty so I do home made presents a lot of the time. This year I thought it would be a nice idea to make a little hamper of home-made luxuries like truffles, soaps and bath bombs, and scented candles.

We all love Game of Thrones, so I thought it would be cool to make white candles with a blood red centre, and then carve it to look like one of the weirwood trees. So I made a lot of red, cinnamon scented wax and poured it into Molds made out of bog roll tubes.

The results were a bit lumpen, but not awful, but then I started coating the red wax with the white and now they look like a load of big pink veiny willies. Do you think I can salvage them? Or should I just give as is and pretend they’re meant to be erotic candles? They smell really nice but look horrible.

OP, they remind me of the time i decided to make a water feature out of polymer clay. I made 8 legs for it, (it made sense at the time!) looked at the finished result and realised I'd spent a whole day on shaping and baking little flesh toned legs with feet attached to them.

I'd post a pic but i don't want to steal your artistic thunder OP!

The right hand one looks more like a penis than any penis I have seen in real life 😂😂😂😂😂

I'll never listen to Candle in the Wind in the same way again..

Omg the worst present I've ever seen!

I think you should go all out and get an actual cock mold. And then tell her she has a filthy mind when she comments. It's a candle! Honestly, some people.

SpamChaudFroid please, please post a picture of your abomination! Seeing someone else’s craft fail will definitely make me feel better.

foggymist Wankee candles!! PMSL!

That and wonky veiny cock candle

Nothing like waking up to an eyeful of veiny mutilated schlongs! This thread has made my day already and it's not even 7am!

I'm sorry to laugh!! It does look..OK.. A lot.. You could suggest everyone makes a craft present then maybe they'd all be as bad as each other.. Or secret Santa craft thing.. That way no one knows who..MIL would be your name tho!

I was just quoting another poster because I thought it was hilarious, I can't claim Wankee Candles as my own unfortunately!

Do your usual presents look better than those? You mentioned that you are ' quite crafty'.

Thank you so much, my ribs are hurting from laughing.

You should definitely give these to your MIL.

They look like beef olives.
I love beef olives. But there’s something a touch beef olives meet Resident Evil about the candles....

They literally look like slabs of meat. For all PP saying they’ve never seen one like that.... I have, the thought of it still gives me the total opposite of fanny gallops. Let’s just say he was all... girth. 🤢🤢🤢 I would melt back down and put in a jar. No good can come of this. I like the encouragement to “just carve into a Direwolf” like that’s the simplest solution! I think if OP could carve direwolves out of wax, we wouldn’t have this thread. Also totally impressed with having a go though, the sentiment is lovely!

I had a horse once that always seemed to have his knob out, this photo just reminded me of him!

They remind me of an ex of mine.

Rachel0Greep the other stuff I make is usually much prettier than this- I’ve made soap as gifts before and they’ve been of a decent quality. Although I don’t blame anyone for doubting me on the evidence of the Tumescent Triptych.

I sent DP a pic of the cock candles and he text back saying ‘wtf? You like weird things’ I think he thought I was hinting for Christmas!

Just for you FestiveSchlong.

Could you say the kids made them? Or melt them down and add a dark colouring and pour into a jar?

SpamChaudFroid oh sweet zombie Jesus!!! You mentioned the weird little legs but talk about burying the lede- wtf is that on the top? It looks like a cross between a bong and an anal prolapse!

I'd carve some stars into them or something.

I quite understand OP. The run up to Christmas gets me doing ill advised crafting. I blame Kirsty Allsop. I usually have some disappointing home crafted cards or decorations made by now. I've avoided it this year by redecorating the walls instead and buying cards from Aldi.

It's a horror isn't it? The thing on the top is actually a minge made of silicone. which I actually planned on replacing with a rock with a hole in it. That was a sort of prototype to weight the hose down whilst testing it in the sink. I'm making sound worse, aren't I?

It looks like an obscene cousin of the Luggage from the Discworld novels.

Dare I ask why you had a silicone minge lying about the house? 😱

The thing on the top is actually a minge made of silicone. which I actually planned on replacing with a rock with a hole in it.

Oh, I didn't think this thread could make me laugh any more than it had done, but I was wrong.