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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Three time flash is not just an accident?

181 replies

TheQueef · 05/12/2018 08:39

Currently discussing with adult DS.

Yesterday I had some day surgery. The only two people in the DS recovery were myself and a man approx 50.
First time I was in bed across and had a full uninterrupted view but we had both had anus and bum surgery so I assumed it was inadvertent.
I got up and dressed so I could sit up and not be in bed opposite.
Two minutes afterwards he wanted up and moving to the arm chairs where I sat.
This is where the three come from.
First he sat with his gown rucked up and knob out. The sister brought a blanket.
Second time leg over the chair arm, balls out (how he was moving his legs after a fissure repair I don't know) Again staff covered him up.
Third time he actually laid it on his leg, like a balding water vole in a satsuma net. Sad

I moved and was discharged.
I was so angry on the was home that DS and me are still butting heads.
He said it must be an accidental flash but IMO it was all deliberate.
Oppressive, sinister and deliberate.

Have I had too much mumsnet or is DS wrong?

OP posts:
Rattinghat · 05/12/2018 08:55

Deliberate. Hope his bum cracks open again.

Sarahjconnor · 05/12/2018 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MulticolourMophead · 05/12/2018 09:03

I'd also go for deliberate. If it was accidental he'd have been mortified the first time, and be sure to keep himself covered the rest of the time.

olivertwistwantsmore · 05/12/2018 09:04

What did you say at the time? What did they staff say? Horrible. And deliberate.

onalongsabbatical · 05/12/2018 09:06

Horrible, of course deliberate. DS is your son? Perhaps not yet old enough to be aware that women have to deal with this shit regularly and resisting the pain of knowing what his mum's been through? Could bring all sorts of complex feelings up for him.
Yes, complain. I'm not surprised you're angry and upset, hope you recover swiftly - from surgery and from awful horrible man.

TheGirlWithAllTheFeathers · 05/12/2018 09:06

It was entirely deliberate and one of the ways that flashers like to intimidate women. You should write a very stiff letter to the health board and the hospital director. At least have a vent somewhere.

Rattinghat · 05/12/2018 09:07

The staff knew, they were watching him. They did what they could, twice covering him up. It's very hard for them to accuse a patient of flashing.

like a balding water vole sorry couldn't help but LOL

JuneFromBethesda · 05/12/2018 09:08

Ugh poor you, that sounds clearly deliberate to me. What a horrible situation to be in, especially after surgery.

Rattinghat · 05/12/2018 09:09

I thought single sex bays were obligatory now? Look up the policy for the hospital.

Inertia · 05/12/2018 09:12

Are you female OP? If so, surely this is one of the reasons for men and women to be kept separate in hospital wards, even if not admitted overnight?

I would write and complain to the hospital authorities and tell them that you found it threatening and offensive for a male patient to continually expose his genitalia to a lone female recovering from surgery.

EndofTetherReachedToday · 05/12/2018 09:14

Erm no DS means Day Surgery I would assume not dear son!

I would make a formal report on him. Being that blatant about it makes you wonder what else he might be doing.

Talith · 05/12/2018 09:15

Deliberate. Yuck. We should trust our judgement on this one. Just because people can air their bumcracks in full view after surgery doesn't mean they should. I'm sorry you had to put up with that.

Jessbow · 05/12/2018 09:16

Depends. mental health issues? may or may not have been deliberate. Any anesthesia involved? Dementia?

Squarepeg29 · 05/12/2018 09:16

The dirty creepy bastard.

You must at least write a letter of complaint, and check hospital’s policy re single sex bays.

EndofTetherReachedToday · 05/12/2018 09:16

Apologies, the OP has used DS for both!

ReanimatedSGB · 05/12/2018 09:17

Was the man old enough for it to be possible/likely he had a form of dementia? It is not uncommon for people with some kinds of dementia to behave like this: while it's annoying and unpleasant for those on the recieving end, there's not a great deal already overworked NHS staff can do about it.
(Not saying women should necessarily 'just put up with' flashers, but if it's a case of dementia, it's different from malicious/criminal behaviour)

Rattinghat · 05/12/2018 09:18

OP said he was about 50

ImNotKitten · 05/12/2018 09:19

Deliberate and you shouldn’t have been forced to share a mixed sex ward with him.

BertrandRussell · 05/12/2018 09:21

Surely not even on Mumsnet is 50 considered old enough for an assumption of dementia? Hmm

OP- of course it was deliberate. Complain. And loudly.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 05/12/2018 09:21

Could he be still off his rocker on pain relief?

Handsoffmysweets · 05/12/2018 09:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

Original poster
TheQueef · 05/12/2018 09:22

Sorry yes adult son collected me. I mentioned it to the nurse doing my obs but if I'm honest I didn't want to look neurotic if I was BU, he did just have surgery and so had I.
The bloke took a fancy to a nurse and ended up looked after by males so I'm wondering if he was grabby too.

He was a fucking horror.

OP posts:
ThanosSavedMe · 05/12/2018 09:23

The staff knew it was going on as they kept covering him up.

The hospital is at fault here. They would know if he had mental health issues. If he does, he should have been kept separated. If he doesn’t he should have been warned that if he did it again the police would be called. You were in a vulnerable position and they should have been safeguarding you. Definitely complain.

JacquesHammer · 05/12/2018 09:27

Of course it was deliberate.

Ugh.

bigKiteFlying · 05/12/2018 09:28

I suspect deliberate - and I suspect the staff knew and were trying to cope with him.

Ideally he should have been moved - and it may well be worth complaining so hospital management at least know there's an issue.

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