Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Three time flash is not just an accident?

181 replies

TheQueef · 05/12/2018 08:39

Currently discussing with adult DS.

Yesterday I had some day surgery. The only two people in the DS recovery were myself and a man approx 50.
First time I was in bed across and had a full uninterrupted view but we had both had anus and bum surgery so I assumed it was inadvertent.
I got up and dressed so I could sit up and not be in bed opposite.
Two minutes afterwards he wanted up and moving to the arm chairs where I sat.
This is where the three come from.
First he sat with his gown rucked up and knob out. The sister brought a blanket.
Second time leg over the chair arm, balls out (how he was moving his legs after a fissure repair I don't know) Again staff covered him up.
Third time he actually laid it on his leg, like a balding water vole in a satsuma net. Sad

I moved and was discharged.
I was so angry on the was home that DS and me are still butting heads.
He said it must be an accidental flash but IMO it was all deliberate.
Oppressive, sinister and deliberate.

Have I had too much mumsnet or is DS wrong?

OP posts:
Iloveautumnleaves · 05/12/2018 09:31

It wouldn’t bother me. It’s just another body part.

He might have dementia or he might be doing it for the thrills...meh. Best just ignored really ‍🤷🏻‍♀️

Sarahjconnor · 05/12/2018 09:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fourplusfour · 05/12/2018 09:37

Sounds deliberate. I'd like to think I would have said something, if not to him then to the staff. Not sure that complaining to the hospital now is right, I would report via 101.

Rattinghat · 05/12/2018 09:38

Isn't is just unbelievable (or too believable) that even when a woman is ten minutes out of an operating theatre some sleazebag is trying to use her for his own gratification/ego pump. Foul.

Sarahjconnor · 05/12/2018 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SantaBabycharly · 05/12/2018 09:44

If he had just had surgery too , what sort of anaesthetic did they have , and then pain relief? It might be that .
My MIL was in for an op and behaved outrageously for her when we went to visit .
She was in a ward of 6 ladies that had had ops the same day and they were all a bit .... mmm

SantaBabycharly · 05/12/2018 09:45

I am being charitable.I know .
If YOU feel it was deliberate then complain .

BoreOfWhabylon · 05/12/2018 09:45

Yes, please make a formal complaint.

I don't think it actually matters much whether or not this man was a creepy predatory perv or whether his behaviour was due to the effects of anaesthetic, medication or a mental health problem.

The problem is mixed sex areas for patients. This should not be happening.

Rattinghat · 05/12/2018 09:46

On a day ward they would probably not know about any mental health issues due to the fast turnover. They should have moved him or drawn the curtains.

category12 · 05/12/2018 09:51

Sounds deliberate.

And you have a great turn of phrase, OP . Smile

Arnoldthecat · 05/12/2018 09:56

How dreadful. It puts me in mind of a time hen i was in a certain very nice hotel in Europe and having used the swimming pool ,myself and my partner adjourned to the sauna cabin. We were in our swimwear and we were the only ones in the cabin. A few minutes later a lone fat balding male came into the cabin wrapped in a towel. No problem with that. He then dropped the towel exposing his drowned water vole. I'm not saying there was anything in it but perhaps he had some kind of fantasy going on in his head. I will say that i didnt feel in the least bit threatened by what was on display..haa

hp2 · 05/12/2018 09:56

As a nurse I see plenty of men behave like this and they are often completely unaware and if pointed out not bothered. Women never behave like this!!

LuckyDiamond · 05/12/2018 10:00

I wish you a speedy recovery and hope his stitches get infected.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/12/2018 10:05

I'd also go for deliberate. If it was accidental he'd have been mortified the first time, and be sure to keep himself covered the rest of the time.

This - dirty sod!

Teadazed · 05/12/2018 10:09

RMN here. I'm very sorry to hear that happened and angry to read that some people in the year 2018 are trying to explain away this guy's behaviour. There are so many possible reasons why he did that, and loads of ways the nursing team would have been trying to deal with it, but /it is not your job to have to figure it out/. Women are not obliged to make excuses for men, never mind him for a moment. The effect on /you/ was still disruptive to your recovery and dignity.

Find your nearest PALS office www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Patient-advice-and-liaison-services-(PALS)/LocationSearch/363

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/12/2018 10:10

If this ever happens to me, I hope that I will remember your "balding/drowned water vole in a satsuma net" and burst out laughing and pointing! Like you, I will allow for one "accidental" flash, but after that will consider the bugger fair game.

HashTagLil · 05/12/2018 10:11

I'd be complaining about mixed wards to the Trust. Even our day surgery wards have different bays for male and female.

Iloveautumnleaves · 05/12/2018 10:13

Stop being so utterly ridiculous

Hmm

I’m ‘utterly ridiculous’ because I think it’s ‘best ignored’ that a man, on a ward, in a hospital, post surgery, possibly with dementia, possibly with side effects of medication, wearing a hospital robe isn’t taking care to cover his tackle.

You have no idea if he was doing it on purpose or not. Or rather whether his decision making is affected by dementia, medication or anything else.

Yes, he might be perfectly well & just getting off on it, with no issues or needs etc, but it’s far less likely.

Spudina · 05/12/2018 10:14

I'm a nurse. Men (especially older men) can be amazingly unbothered about who sees their private parts. I have twice had to cover up the same male patient in the last two weeks as it was (female) Consultant Ward round. It's quite distracting to hold a serious medical conversation with it all hanging out. There is just something that happens when the hospital gown goes on. For some it means the end of any pretence at dignity. I don't think the actions were meant to personally offend you. I'm going to go against the flow and say I wouldn't complain. All that will happen is that the nurse on duty will get a dressing down because she didn't do enough to keep the patient covered. (And to second another post, anaesthetic can do funny things to people.) I've been that nurse. It's hard work and at the moment especially demoralising enough without dealing with the complaints of easily offended people.

Spanielmadness · 05/12/2018 10:15

Arnoldthecat most saunas in Europe are nude. You were the odd ones on that occasion in your swimwear, sorry!

PerkingFaintly · 05/12/2018 10:16

How about reporting him to the police for indecent exposure?

I feel a lot of sympathy for the staff who it sounds were trying to manage him in the circumstances they had, and were also on the receiving end. They may be glad to testify about his behaviour.

I think if he gets convicted for indecent exposure first, then you take it to the hospital management, your argument will have a lot more force than "some patient was complaining about...".

Hideandgo · 05/12/2018 10:17

To be generous I’d say he’s just not bothered about nakedness and in the setting of a hospital where you are poked and prodded, maybe his modesty has decreased even a notch further. I personally wouldn’t mind as long as he wasn’t stroking himself while pointedly looking at me. I’d find that offensive. But just being a bit on display, though not socially appropriate, id just write off as a person who was a bit comfortable with nudity.

Becca19962014 · 05/12/2018 10:17

No single sex bays here, the trust says there's not the space. I've a massive phobia of hospitals now because of my experiences.

sarah

I was assulted on a mh ward (plastered in posters saying zero tolerance to any abuse) and was told by staff to expect it as he was too ill to know better. Except there were were fifteen other patients and staff who he found he could control himself around and not hurt and all the other patients had visitors and I was the only one who didn't and the only one who was physically disabled.

When I complained I was told I couldn't expect staff to keep me safe it wasn't their job. Theyd locked themselves in the office so they were safe. I'm forever grateful to the other patients who helped me and stood up for me.

They refused to report it on the grounds he was ill and I know that's been the case for others as well so I'd say those figures are far lower than reality. I know women were were raped in mh ward by other patients and the men who did so were put on 1-1 support (not reported) and they got no support.

IWasTrendingThereForAMinute · 05/12/2018 10:17

Men do this sort of thing so they have something in the wank bank.

If only we could all collectively pick a day and after that day start voicing our annoyance at the shit of life.

Women are silent (me included) when we should be shouting like Margi Clarke, "Eh ye dirty bastard, I don't wanna see your tiny vegetable thanks!"

PerkingFaintly · 05/12/2018 10:18

But if odd behaviour is a known consequence of anaesthetic (just seen other posts), then I guess he'd be unlikely to be convicted.

Swipe left for the next trending thread