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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Three time flash is not just an accident?

181 replies

TheQueef · 05/12/2018 08:39

Currently discussing with adult DS.

Yesterday I had some day surgery. The only two people in the DS recovery were myself and a man approx 50.
First time I was in bed across and had a full uninterrupted view but we had both had anus and bum surgery so I assumed it was inadvertent.
I got up and dressed so I could sit up and not be in bed opposite.
Two minutes afterwards he wanted up and moving to the arm chairs where I sat.
This is where the three come from.
First he sat with his gown rucked up and knob out. The sister brought a blanket.
Second time leg over the chair arm, balls out (how he was moving his legs after a fissure repair I don't know) Again staff covered him up.
Third time he actually laid it on his leg, like a balding water vole in a satsuma net. Sad

I moved and was discharged.
I was so angry on the was home that DS and me are still butting heads.
He said it must be an accidental flash but IMO it was all deliberate.
Oppressive, sinister and deliberate.

Have I had too much mumsnet or is DS wrong?

OP posts:
Hideandgo · 05/12/2018 10:19

I agree that’s it’s totally fine to say something directly to them and not just put up with it.

UpstartCrow · 05/12/2018 10:19

This is why women need single sex hospital wards and bays. Don't tell women to suck it up, do something about it and support single sex wards.

brizzledrizzle · 05/12/2018 10:19

"Nurse, that man over there has his penis out - come and look how small it is!"

I'd say it was intentional.

Becca19962014 · 05/12/2018 10:20

They as in victims got no support. On the grounds the men were ill.

brizzledrizzle · 05/12/2018 10:20

Don't tell women to suck it up

Sorry but Grin

I hope the medical staff didn't tell the op that! Shock

Pywife2 · 05/12/2018 10:27

If he was being looked after by males, they were aware and you shouldn't have had to put up with this. Tempting to go home and forget about it, nobody could blame you, but if women don't speak up then hospitals and other institutions can carry on the myth that mixed sex spaces cause no problems.

Even if this was accidental (yeah, right), it caused you distress or embarrassment and the hospital has a policy that put you in that situation, and which should be amended. Mainly to protect women, many men also find it stressful enough to be in hospital without being undressed in front of people of the opposite sex.

RadicalFern · 05/12/2018 10:28

Of course it was deliberate. Penises don't just fall out into plain view by accident.

chickywoo · 05/12/2018 10:29

Totally agree with what spudina said.
The only thing you could complain about is that there should be single sex bays.
His behaviour, you should have dealt with the matter at the time or you could always report the ‘flashing’ to the police if you are disturbed about it.
It’s not the nurses responsibility to deal with something they were unaware of.
And it is totally possible that this man had dementia, learning disabilities, confusion following anaesthesia or just as a pp said was free from inhibitions!
Maybe I’m too blase about it, to a nurse seeing someone’s genitals is like seeing someone’s ear Grin

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 05/12/2018 10:32

Totally deliberate - and he moved to make sure you saw it again.

Horsewithnomane · 05/12/2018 10:38

Even if was accidental you shouldn't have to see it.

If you were in a separate women's ward then you wouldn't've.

Perhaps the hospital are using mixed-sex wards to avoid the "where do the trans patients go" problem?

MawkishTwaddle · 05/12/2018 10:42

Deliberate. I'm sorry you had to go through that on top of surgery. Hope you're feeling better soon.

As an aside, is dementia the new mumsnet chicken?

Every single thread I open, someone chucks in the possibility of dementia if the rude twat being described is over about 40.

Up to 40, it's undiagnosed ASD.

News just in - some people are just twats.

Original poster
TheQueef · 05/12/2018 10:54

I've filled in the online complaints form.
Making it clear I'm only complaining about the other patient not staff.
I think the staff did what they could and kept on top of the situation. There wasn't anything more to do make the tosser stand outside in his mesh pants for the staff.
I complained at being in the position to share a ward with flobber.
We'd had epidural so clearish heads and fortunately flaccid cock Confused
He asked for pain meds but I didn't see what he got, maybe he was under the influence....

I'm still a bit pissed of at Dson for calling me hysterical. I was adamant not hysterical. Angry

OP posts:
Sarahjconnor · 05/12/2018 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UpstartCrow · 05/12/2018 11:09

The government has abandoned its support for single sex wards. Sexual assaults in hospitals are an epidemic, and the NHS has to pay out compensation to victims, so it just doesn't make sense.

Sarahjconnor · 05/12/2018 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bengalcat · 05/12/2018 11:14

Am sorry that happened . However I love your description of the balding water vole in a satsuma net - lol

IrmaFayLear · 05/12/2018 11:20

Even if was accidental you shouldn't have to see it.

Exactly.

My aunt was having a hip replacement and the man in the bed opposite had his legs akimbo exposing everything. My aunt - being my aunt and quite Lady Bracknell-ish - complained most vociferously. the man said he felt more comfortable like this, which may have been the case, but it was not appropriate to have him facing a female patient.

Just the same I suppose if someone in for gynaecological surgery was facing a man (although less threatening).

Whatever the reason, it is awkward, embarrassing and causes the person on the receiving end of the view anxiety.

ReanimatedSGB · 05/12/2018 11:24

But there are several causes other than malice for this sort of behaviour (and other sorts of annoying behaviour, too) that you might encounter in a hospital - some patients might yell a lot, or repeatedly drum their feet on the floor. There are going to be people with some or other MH condition, or people disinhibited by drugs or pain. I think overall, given that he didn't appear interested in actually engaging with you, for the sake of the staff and NHS resources I would let this one go. There are worse things to see than someone's 'drowned water vole' - and I see this thread is already starting to descend into trans-panic as it is.

IrmaFayLear · 05/12/2018 11:24

Furthermore, so what if it was dementia.

When mil first went into a nursing home, the new occupant of the next room kept bursting in - stark naked. It was horrible - not the sight of him, but that he was quite able bodied and thus you didn't know what he would do. Luckily he was removed to a secure facility and replaced by a nice gentleman reading the Telegraph - whilst fully clothed.

RB68 · 05/12/2018 11:26

I think I would have rung the bell and complained to nursing staff that he had his dick out and he either needed moving or I did

IrmaFayLear · 05/12/2018 11:26

Crikey, ReanimatedSGB, if that's what I have to "let go" if I go into hospital I'd rather stay at home and perform surgery on myself.

Juells · 05/12/2018 11:35

And it is totally possible that this man had dementia, learning disabilities, confusion following anaesthesia or just as a pp said was free from inhibitions!

His balls may have been too hot, he may not have realised he was flashing, he may live alone and be used to sitting like that, he may have this that or the other.

Or just possibly he knew exactly what he was doing, just like all the other ones who get a kick out of flashing.

Jeeze, some people find excuses and laborious explanations for anything. We've all been flashed at, one time or another, and only female socialisation makes women come up with convoluted ways to make it none of the man's fault and all the fault of the nasty women who read bad things into the poor man's behaviour.

MiggledyHiggins · 05/12/2018 11:39

May his next shite be a hedgehog.

LuluJakey1 · 05/12/2018 11:45

Am I the only person who has googled 'balding water vole'?

Tighnabruaich · 05/12/2018 11:46

Well said Juells

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