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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you encourage your DD to marry someone rich?

271 replies

DixieDarling1 · 04/12/2018 20:12

I have a DD who is in her twenties, and two younger children, and have always encouraged DD to be in a relationship with someone who loves her, treats her well, and makes her happy.

I was on a night out at the weekend and talking to a friend of a friend who has 3 DDs in their twenties, and she was saying that she has always encouraged them to find a husband/partner who is wealthy, and has made it clear to them when they've had boyfriends who haven't made the cut that she isn't happy.

She is thrilled that the eldest of her DDs has recently married a man in his mid thirties who is very wealthy, and boasted all evening about it and about the house/car/lifestyle that her DD now has.

It just made me wonder really if this is a 'thing' and whether parents do encourage their daughters to marry someone rich, and should I be doing the same to my DDs?

OP posts:
ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 04/12/2018 23:24

Marrying not marketing!

Grilledaubergines · 04/12/2018 23:32

Interesting how in this age of equality parents of girls want them to marry someone who will give them a financially comfortable life. How about teaching girls to create their own financial stability instead of expecting a man to provide it for them. How can that possibly be progressive?

malificent7 · 04/12/2018 23:39

The trouble is hard work and money do not go hand in hand always. Bankers and teachers work incredibly hard but teachers get a low wage.

Ambition is important though.

SleightOfMind · 04/12/2018 23:42

Kind. That’s the one and only thing I’d tell my children of either sex to look for in a life partner.
I might add funny if pressed.

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 04/12/2018 23:43

I teach my daughter the value of education and to ALWAYS be self sufficient. However I would also want her to have a relationship with someone else who had a decent education and good career prospects as I would hate for her to end up with a cocklodger.

BruegelTheEIder · 04/12/2018 23:55

The trouble is hard work and money do not go hand in hand always

The trouble with what?

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 05/12/2018 00:03

Is this your friend, OP?

Of course it’s great for her now, because this will throw her other girls into the path of other rich young men!

Would you encourage your DD to marry someone rich?
JimCricket · 05/12/2018 00:52

No, encourage your daughter to be self sufficient and make her own wealth so that she need never rely on a man

BeachtheButler · 05/12/2018 01:08

Too right I did! Did either of them listen to their Dad? Did they buggery!

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 05/12/2018 01:30

If you marry for money you usually earn every penny. if I had a daughter I would encourage them to educate themselves so they can earn a good living themselves, and to avoid any man who appears to be lazy. In my opinion a shared sense of humour, a good work ethic and a kind nature are all way more important than a fat bank account.

Coyoacan · 05/12/2018 02:31

My dd's cousin said "It is better to cry in a jacuzzi, than cutting onions". So sad and yes she did end up crying in a jacuzzi.

PeaceRiot · 05/12/2018 06:38

YANBU, if she chooses to get married, I hope she chooses someone kind who tries to make her happy. I hope she is never financially dependent, that’s just a gilded cage.

OhTheRoses · 05/12/2018 06:38

I hope my ds and dd marry kind, moral, hard working people who won't let them diwn. Am more concernef someone will marry them fir theur money to be honest.

AlaskanOilBaron · 05/12/2018 06:40

I doubt it matters very much what your encourage your children to do when it comes to marrying in any case, given what we know about assortative mating.

They tend to land with people much like themselves.

fieryginger · 05/12/2018 06:54

My mum used to say "when money goes out of the window, love walks out of the door".

Money gives you choices. However, if you're with a rich man who is a terrible husband, I'd rather a poor man that makes me happy.

MaisyPops · 05/12/2018 07:00

Exactly the same sage advice, make your own money, mix with people of equal status (financially and career wise) so you are with someone who won't sponge off you. That way you are set for a happy and healthy life.
I agree. Both sons and daughters need to be taught the value of standing on their own two feet, being able to support themselves, not seeing other people as their meal ticket.
It doesn't mean being super rich or even really wealthy but there's nothing attractive or desirable about someone (male or female) who feels entitled to live a certain lifestyle funded by someone else.

LilMy33 · 05/12/2018 07:04

I’m not going to tell either of mine to marry for money but I will tell them to watch out for warning signs related to money: potential partner switching jobs all the time, cocklodging, tonnes of debt, gambling, basically being irresponsible with money.

There’s been a lot of shitty decisions based on the above in my family and I really don’t want my kids to go through all that.

Mummadeeze · 05/12/2018 07:05

After my experience of making a life with someone who has always been dependent on me, I would advise my daughter not to do the same. First and foremost I will encourage her to forge her own successful careeer like I have but I would definitely guide her towards someone with the drive to do the same. I would not tell her to marry for money however as I really dislike that motivation.

PersonalM0Tee · 05/12/2018 07:05

Encourage education, independence, self sufficiency, kindness. If they find someone to share their life with, even better !

NotAnotherJaffaCake · 05/12/2018 07:25

It’s more important for daughters because they are still more likely to get completely screwed after having kids. Sons need to be told not to be cocklodgers or shit dads/partners.

Madeline88 · 05/12/2018 07:27

Not rich but stable and together you make enough to support a family and have a comfortable life.

Deadbudgie · 05/12/2018 07:29

I work in an environment where there are good prospects. You see the jostle amongst the graduates every year to bag the guy with the most prospects amongst the most shallow of the female graduates, I suspect they’ve gone into the profession purely to bag a husband with prospects. Usually the guy is a bit overwhelmed by the attention of a pretty girl and couple of years later buy a house then get married. Woman has kids, boobs less pert, she stays at home even when kids off to private school. She gets rolled out at Christmas party everyone bit uncomfortable as she talks to graduate who is screwing her husband who thinks he’s entitled to a young bit of stuff (he’s worked hard and just wasn’t this popular at school) wife knows about affair but willing to put up with anything to maintain life style. When kids leave school they divorce. It also works the other way, if the rising star stalls before the desired pay grade the woman moves on to someone with more job prospects.

Sefty · 05/12/2018 07:40

Hmm- I think I would encourage her to marry someone with a stable job and good work ethic. I wouldn't want her to be tied to someone who was financially irresponsible. He wouldn't need to be rich, but to have a decent job I think is very important for family happiness and stability.

Vampiratequeen · 05/12/2018 07:57

YANBU, I know 2 different people who married wealthy men and neither are happy.
I will encourage my DD to marry someone who makes her happy and treats her right, if he is rich that's just a bonus.

acatcalledjohn · 05/12/2018 07:59

If money is so important, why not encourage DDs to BE rich themselves?

Because, ya know, why work hard when you can simply marry in to money? Wink

Nothing breeds resentment like laziness/financial burden. Think of all the threads on here about men who don't earn much and don't make an effort to improve on that / happy to be supported by their wives. They are full of LTBs.

Why is it still different for women?