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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are colleagues overreacting or what?

340 replies

halfwitpicker · 04/12/2018 19:19

In the staffroom at lunch today. I was stood waiting for the microwave and one of the guys said:

'You have a hole in your dress'
'Oh really? Where?' I said.
'Here' and he touched the skin where the 'hole' was.

Now this dress doesn't really have a hole. It has a zip, then a gap, then a button.

I was like, what? And one of the women in the office said, 'it's supposed to be like that, that's the way the dress is made' .

I had a serious Hmm Wtaf look on my face.

Upshot is I left the lunch room and my (female) colleagues all said that words need to be had with him regarding inappropriate touching.

What's the MN jury on this one? He does have form for being odd, not sure that's relevant.

My reaction was instinct though - I was very much Wtaf are you doing touching my back!

OP posts:
greenpop21 · 05/12/2018 18:46

Wouldn't bother me.Bigger problems to fight ladies!

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 05/12/2018 18:46

It’s not on par. But you didn’t say that was what had happened in your previous post, did you?

I said I had received plenty of inappropriate ‘passes’ in the past, the emphasis being the inverted commas suggesting something more then asking me out for a drink. I was playing semi pro rugby at the time and she made it very clear she liked ‘rugby men’ and for a number of months made my life a misery with her innuendo, inappropriate flirting, trying it on with me at the Christmas party before finally grabbing my groin as I was walking back from the toilets on a project team night out. Apologies I did not spell it out for you in detail.

Icanttakemuchmore · 05/12/2018 18:47

Yabu. Get over yourself, it was at the top of your back for Christ's sake.

AhNowTed · 05/12/2018 18:47

Fuss about bloody nothing

TheCherries · 05/12/2018 18:50

FFS people really need to get a grip. You have no idea of inappropriate touching if this is what you think it is.

The reason for these laws coming in is to protect the likes of office staff who as recently as 20 years ago were having majorly inappropriate touching.

In my office male staff would mount the young female junior typing pool and start bumping them through their clothes. Cornering then on the coffee run and pin them to the counter and get too much skin to skin contact.

He told you you had a hole, you asked him where he touched it.

Not as if he said you had a lump on the front your dress then touched your Radio Tokyo.

Ffs get a grip

greeneyedlulu · 05/12/2018 19:00

Complete over reaction! He basically just poked your upper back/neck!! Not exactly fingered a hole in your trouser fly is it?

Supercaliwotsit · 05/12/2018 19:08

‘ Meant no harm’ It’s this sort of attitude that leads men to think that just because a woman is a woman they can touch their person.

Supercaliwotsit · 05/12/2018 19:09

So a male colleague comes up and starts to massage your shoulders- well, not exactly boobs, so it’s ok?

Aprilsinparis · 05/12/2018 19:18

YABU Wouldn't bother me at all.

Dashel · 05/12/2018 19:18

She asked him to show her the hole, as it was behind her so he probably quickly thought how do I show her and lightly touched her. It wasn’t in a malicious or seedy or way that asserted power.

This is not sexual assault and gives genuine cases a bad name. Why you were probably shocked was because it is so unusual to be touched in the work place. But there is a big difference between sexual assault that someone gets fired for and a one off light touch.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 05/12/2018 19:20

So a male colleague comes up and starts to massage your shoulders- well, not exactly boobs, so it’s ok?

Because your scenario is almost the same to what the OP described. Hmm

You are embarrassing yourself

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 05/12/2018 19:21

I thought @supercaliwotsit was being sarcastic. Turns out she’s delusional.
I hope she never makes even a small mistake because karma will be after her! What a snowflake

Original poster
halfwitpicker · 05/12/2018 19:25

Update :

OK so 3 people came to me to ask if I was OK after yesterday. This shows that they felt that a line was crossed.

One of the women said that she hadn't slept well : between my thing and also her having to tell her FIL off for playfully grabbing her 4 year-olds bum she was fretting all night.

Which may all seem bizarre but boundaries need to be drawn ( for kids and women, obv)

Thanks for the responses, it's been quite divided.

OP posts:
sussexman · 05/12/2018 19:26

Hi

Yes, he was inappropriate, words can describe what he means! Your description of the incident - and of him as being "odd" - suggest that maybe he is somewhere on the ASD spectrum. If so, he would probably welcome a gentle conversation where you explained that you didn't like it and perhaps he could have done better by (not commenting/describing not touching/whatever else).

Original poster
halfwitpicker · 05/12/2018 19:29

P. A. No update on if the guy has been spoken to or not.

OP posts:
ForalltheSaints · 05/12/2018 19:32

No need to touch, could have described or pointed where it was on him. Kind of colleagues to be supportive, especially given previous form, which only they knew about.

VictoryOrValhalla · 05/12/2018 19:40

I said I had received plenty of inappropriate ‘passes’ in the past, the emphasis being the inverted commas

Which this (finger poke) also was. But according to you, doesn’t count.

suggesting something more then asking me out for a drink

Finger poke was also something more than asking her out for a drink.

and for a number of months made my life a misery with her innuendo, inappropriate flirting,

None of which is sexual assault so surely you should just get over it? I can’t believe you even noticed it, it’s nothing. Wink

You have no idea of inappropriate touching if this is what you think it is.

On the contrary, I do, which is how I recognise the signs of it starting.

VictoryOrValhalla · 05/12/2018 19:42

This is not sexual assault and gives genuine cases a bad name.

Who said it was sexual assault? Confused

Supercaliwotsit · 05/12/2018 19:42

You genuinely think that is ok? I’m worried.
Karma? I wouldn’t ‘ make the mistake’ of touching someone’s person.

Original poster
halfwitpicker · 05/12/2018 19:51

Not to be that person but it wasn't a poke. It was a stroke.

OP posts:
Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 05/12/2018 20:11

Harmless. This is the #metoo debacle that has made women paranoid not to mention feminists and SJWs that classes anything as sexual harassment. I don't personally like being touched but I'm not going to scream sexual harassment over minor little things like this.

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 05/12/2018 20:15

I have seen it wriiten somewhere where a boy tried to ask a girl out and she was told it's was sexual harassment by another girl.
It has gotten to that stage now.
Mistletoe, Valentines cards,soon enough will be beyond the pale.

shirleyschmidt · 05/12/2018 20:16

So now it was a 'stroke' - but you said earlier you thought he might only have pointed.

How do you get from that to 'it wasn't a poke, it was a stroke'?

shirleyschmidt · 05/12/2018 20:17

Sorry OP, just realized I misunderstood that earlier 'point' comment!

VictoryOrValhalla · 05/12/2018 20:18

I have seen it wriiten somewhere where a boy tried to ask a girl out and she was told it's was sexual harassment by another girl.

Sure you have.