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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are colleagues overreacting or what?

340 replies

halfwitpicker · 04/12/2018 19:19

In the staffroom at lunch today. I was stood waiting for the microwave and one of the guys said:

'You have a hole in your dress'
'Oh really? Where?' I said.
'Here' and he touched the skin where the 'hole' was.

Now this dress doesn't really have a hole. It has a zip, then a gap, then a button.

I was like, what? And one of the women in the office said, 'it's supposed to be like that, that's the way the dress is made' .

I had a serious Hmm Wtaf look on my face.

Upshot is I left the lunch room and my (female) colleagues all said that words need to be had with him regarding inappropriate touching.

What's the MN jury on this one? He does have form for being odd, not sure that's relevant.

My reaction was instinct though - I was very much Wtaf are you doing touching my back!

OP posts:
Original poster
halfwitpicker · 05/12/2018 20:27

So now it was a 'stroke' - but you said earlier you thought he might only have pointed.

^^

Er, no. I didn't say that.

Confused
OP posts:
Arealhumanbeing · 05/12/2018 20:29

You are annoyed because a colleague who thought you had a hole in your dress, pointed out the hole?

No it was because he touched her skin through it. You read the OP, right?

Tedious. Along with everyone else screeching about “grips”. Read something. Find out about this stuff. Understand why it isn’t alright.

shirleyschmidt · 05/12/2018 20:36

@halfwitpicker yes I did apologize and correct myself in the post literally just above it!

Pashal2 · 05/12/2018 20:41

You asked him where the hole was. If you didn't know how else was he supposed to tell you semifore flags?

Pashal2 · 05/12/2018 20:43

Amen! Exactly what undermines this kind of cause

MrsMaisel · 05/12/2018 20:46

Guy sounds like a dick. I bet you he isn't fretting about this now. I'm annoyed that people are ganging up on the OP. First, a moron pretends he thinks she's suffered a wardrobe malfunction and uses the opportunity to touch her - then people here are telling her to get a grip. Meanwhile, he's sitting back drinking a beer somewhere - oblivious.

JudasPrudy · 05/12/2018 20:47

Colleagues love to create drama and you have made the mistake of listening to them. Watch and see where they all are when the shit hits the fan - whispering in his ear that you've overreacted no doubt.

CaliHummers · 05/12/2018 20:50

If you didn't know how else was he supposed to tell you semifore flags?

What is it with people who are unable to speak and correctly label anatomy? Jesus wept. Do you all have to touch something to allow someone to know its whereabouts? Can't you just say "on your neck, just above the top of the zip"?

Pashal2 · 05/12/2018 20:54

Sounds like you have other issues going on. If she could not see the area ( I'm sure she doesn't have eyes on the back of her head, maybe you do) she ASKED HIM WHERE he showed her. You can't accuse someone of a crime or lose their job because you asked a question and they responded

VictoryOrValhalla · 05/12/2018 20:55

If you didn't know how else was he supposed to tell you semifore flags?

Just a suggestion, but he could use his words?

BG2015 · 05/12/2018 20:55

Wouldn't bother me at all.

VictoryOrValhalla · 05/12/2018 20:59

All those saying “how else could he show her where it was?”

Let’s say she had a hole in her jeans at the buttocks. Do you imagine he might have found a way to let her know where it was without sticking his finger through it?

Pashal2 · 05/12/2018 20:59

@supercaliwotsit: Did a ask him to point out what a shoulder massage was? If I did then yes it's A-ok. Glad to straighten that out for you.

Pashal2 · 05/12/2018 21:02

How do you stroke a gap? Sure you aren't amending your story because you aren't getting the reactions ( sympathy)you expected?

Justwanttotravel · 05/12/2018 21:03

Would you have reacted like that if a woman touched your skin?

Supercaliwotsit · 05/12/2018 21:06

What? A shoulder massage is a massage on the shoulders?

Original poster
halfwitpicker · 05/12/2018 21:06

How do you stroke a gap?

^^
It's about 3 inches long, that's how!

Note how I said gap, not hole.

OP posts:
Pashal2 · 05/12/2018 21:08

Please stop diagnosing someone you've never met Based upon one person's opinion ( what makes him odd? ). SHE asked HIM where, let's place responsibility where it belongs. If she didn't want to know where her hole was she should have walked away and never engaged her co-worker.

Pashal2 · 05/12/2018 21:11

She is implying it was sexual in nature. That's what she's fishing for.

Pashal2 · 05/12/2018 21:16

Yes but boundaries for innocent contact doesn't mean it's sexual assault or child molestation. No more than saying "God bless you" when you sneez Means you are proselytizing

Member869894 · 05/12/2018 21:17

this is a complete non event; it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Your colleagues are weird

Arealhumanbeing · 05/12/2018 21:19

@Pashal2

Can you expand on what you have contributed so far. Fishing, this kind of cause etc.

What cause?

AGHHHH · 05/12/2018 21:20

I'd rather waste my time on actual issues tbh.

Arealhumanbeing · 05/12/2018 21:21

Actually I’m done. OP I’m sorry your thread attracted the usual set of gas lighters and hand maidens.

It upset you and that’s all you need to know.

Your colleague needs to know that he should never touch you again.

Trust yourself.

Original poster
halfwitpicker · 05/12/2018 21:22

Thanks, areal

OP posts:
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