Would you be pissed off/annoyed , IABU?

[Issy777]

I don't know if I should kick up a fuss or not, I admit I'm quite paranoid due to my GAD which can spiral out of control...
So often works away, he can go for a week or three nights every month...
The last few times he went was difficult we always ended up arguing but I did say to him all I want is a little reassurance, like a phone call or a txt when he goes to bed etc. He usually goes with a female colleague.

Last night was first night, he rang at 5.20 but I had missed the call, so I txt him around 6, he replied saying he was eating out at Greek restaurant sent pic etc, then txt about two more txts back at fourth at about 7ish. The last txt I sent was 8, I had asked him if he was having a good night - trying my hardest not to be paranoid and just be nice/normal. It was delivered but
He never read it til 00.27!!!!
And then no reply
And even this morning no txt.

I'm so upset. I know I might be overreacting but the fact he didn't even reply to my txt or bother ringing or txting shows his disregard to me?

Also shows he probably went out drinking as why else would he be awake at that time? It doesn't explain why he didn't read msg straight away though or earlier. I don't wanna cause another row, he's there for two more nights and I'm just distraught at how he's behaved. AIBU?

For all the women who have partners working away what is the standard protocol for communication etc?

It doesn't help I've read about 5 threads on here in the past few weeks about DP/DH's living double lives having affairs whilst they've been "working away"

Please help me in what I should do next?

What's your advice @bluntness100? Let me guess, ltb without any proof

Clearly not. You've not bothered your arse reading the thread have you? That's how interested you are.

Let me guess, ltb without any proof? Nice one.

Not sure why you need proof in order to leave someone???

It’s got nothing to do with proof. The OP has described an extremely dysfunctional relationship. There is no trust on her side as evidenced by her many posts asking what signs did everyone who has had this happen see, what does she need to look for etc. That alone is enough to go, you don’t need any evidence of anything. Can’t imagine it’s any fun being with someone you don’t trust whether you have cause for it or not.

Then add in the fact that she claims it is an emotionally abusive relationship (her words). So now dysfunctional, no trust and emotionally abusive. Throw in some gaslighting apparently for good measure. With all of this shitshow being paraded around for the kids. So cheating or no cheating you’d really have to wonder why anyone is staying in that situation as it doesn’t sound at all fun and any loon can see it’s unhealthy. How that boils down to you need proof of cheating in order to leave is mind boggling.

As I said it’s all moot though. If the op decides the DH is cheating then he will be cheating no matter what. If she decides he is not cheating then he is not cheating even if he has a signed confession. Whatever way she wants to view it she will be right. That seems to be essential. Everyone else injecting any form of common sense is just pathetic apparently which is kind of ironic really given everyone else is living a normal life not subject to the meltdowns, stress, conundrums and bewildered kids due to what their other half is or is not doing and the state of their relationship.

Clearly not. You've not bothered your arse reading the thread have you? That's how interested you are.
Actually, I have 'bothered my arse' to read the thread - all of the OP's posts, that is. I stopped reading most of the other comments a few pages in, when it was evident that most ppl were posting comments which showed little understanding of how OP was feeling. So no, I can't be arsed to go and trawl through for your gems of wisdom, I'm afraid.

Not bothered your arse to answer my question of whether you'd been in the same situation as OP and myself either.

Not sure why you need proof in order to leave someone???
You don't, necessarily. But OP has indicated that she does. Everyone is different in how they react and what they need in order to make that decision. It may be that given a bit more time, the uncertainty alone is enough for her to leave, and that's fine, if that's what she wants. She wants to know.

I have been in that position and couldn't live with the uncertainty, so I stated what I would do (and did) in the situation, and it gave me the information I was looking for. Fine if you don't agree @bluntness100, but it doesn't really rate an aggressively sarcastic response from some random on the internet, who AFAIK hasn't been in the same situation. We all comment based on our own experiences, in the hope OP might find it helpful in making their own decisions.

Especially the one who claims "I started a row in front of the children" that was the saddest thing ever, acting like they were actually there like a spectator 😂😂

That isn't funny your poor kids. You should both be ashamed that they had to watch that, and be working to make sure it never happens again.

He will either cheat or he won't.

Responding to texts/calling/texting back won't have any bearing on this.

Both DH and I travel for work. I have never cheated and I trust that he has not done the same.

If I didn't trust, he wouldn't be my DH, because what would be the point?

We exchange communication where possible but with time zones and busy schedules neither of us sweats it.

For you, with all of the other stuff it isn't really about the texting, is it?