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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone NOT get financial help from parents these days?

356 replies

Milly848 · 03/12/2018 09:43

It seems everyone around me is getting money for house deposits or even full houses from their parents. These people are in their late 20s and 30s. I'm not sure if it's the area I live in, or if it's normal.

It makes me feel quite bad, as my parents haven't given me a penny since I was 18, let alone thousands for a deposit. I've had to save everything from the work I earn, and I'm on a relatively low wage. I thought this was the norm, but now I'm feeling it's the exception.

Is it possible these days to get by without financial help/inheritance?

OP posts:
Girlsnightin · 04/12/2018 21:18

And I plan to do the same for my kids too.

GunpowderGelatine · 04/12/2018 21:18

We don't and never have. But literally everyone else I know has had help with house deposits, weddings, school fees etc. I know some people in their 30s who get an allowance from their parents! And we're in cheap NW low cost of living. If my mum nipped round and I asked her to get milk she'd ask for the money back to the nearest 10 pence - which is fine, but I won't lie and say it doesn't smart when you see others get £60k deposits for their homes from mummy and daddy and acting like it was a clever business decision

SoyDora · 04/12/2018 21:20

It boils my piss every time I see people commenting that anyone who gets free childcare from their parents is automatically a free loading, entitled, all round bad ‘un

Well to be honest, I’ve never seen anyone say that. I think people who get free childcare are very lucky, as childcare is a huge expense, that they are being saved.
I would certainly feel lucky to get free childcare, anyway.

jessebuni · 04/12/2018 21:22

A lot of the people I went to school with did get deposits, cars or houses from their parents because their parents had plenty of money to do so. My parents didn’t have the money to do so. That’s not to say they haven’t ever helped me, they’ve purchased groceries for me once when I literally had no money that week and helped me repair my car once. My nan also purchased a washing machine for me when mine broke once. But they certainly didn’t have the spare income to give me thousands of pounds for deposits etc so my husband and I pay our way as the majority do. Though I do think it is a lot harder to get on the property ladder without help now. Im fairly certain I will never buy my own home.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 04/12/2018 21:23

I’m in my 30’s, disabled, and on benefits. My parents are really quite wealthy. They gave me stuff in the past, but given the strings, I’m happy they don’t now. I’m an only child, but I already know I won’t inherit (obviously they could change their wills but I don’t expect it). They both inherited from their own parents. But being bitter wouldn’t make my life better, so I don’t really worry about it. Although I’m very thankful for the safety net of the welfare system, and I do want better for my own children.

browneyes77 · 04/12/2018 21:51

But our generation are going to struggle to be able to retire

Agreed. I’m 41 and my OH is 42. We’re always saying our generation are screwed when it comes to retirement too. It feels like we’re paying for people’s pensions now, but it’s looking less likely that there’ll be any money in the pot to pay for ours. We both often feel like our generation has been forgotten about and gets the shitty end of the stick.

Mind you the way the government keep increasing the pension age us and future generations will have to work till we drop dead at this rate!

Ticketybootoo · 04/12/2018 22:00

DH and I haven’t had a penny and will inherit zip too . I think if you do get money from parents just be really grateful . We live in the South East and are surrounded by people who have had lots of help . Just grateful they we both have had good jobs and have bought our own house . Not sure it will be so straightforward for the next generation though Sad

BlitheringIdiots · 04/12/2018 22:38

I did it all myself but it was easier to buy a house in the 90s than now. We've saved some money to help DS for a deposit on a small flat to get him on the ladder else he won't stand a chance. It won't be enough for a whole deposit but hopefully will enough to start him off.

Calmingvibrations · 04/12/2018 22:42

I’m in my 40s now. But back in my mid 20s quite a few friends had money from parents to buy houses. In some cases it was a ‘loan’ but not sure of t and c’s of repayment. They were also the people who graduated without debt due to financial support from parents.

I’d say at least a third of people I know had significant help.

AuchAyeTheNo · 04/12/2018 22:43

Im now 29 and never recieved a penny either. Iv had jobs since i was 16, paid for my own driving lessons and tests and then funded a mortgage on my own after moving out at 17.

Im really glad of it. The option wasnt there anyway for help and still isnt but I think it helped me grow up

SmileAndWavePal · 04/12/2018 22:53

I feel lucky that I have been able to help my parents in small ways. It's a small repayment for them bringing me up. I'm sure they would have helped me financially too had they been able. I have great respect for my mum and dad though they have nothing material to pass on to me.

StarUtopia · 04/12/2018 22:55

So many people saying that they haven't had a penny from their parents - yet use their parents/inlaws for free childcare all the time!!

dorisdog · 04/12/2018 23:19

No money from my parents. Supported myself through university and buying a house (100% mortgage). My mum passed away. My dad lives in a council flat. It's never bothered me.

I'm now with a partner, whose parents helped us to buy a slightly nicer house. I feel SO grateful for that! I have a few friends whose parents are helping them. Even a couple that I suspect don't have to work and get a small monthly allowance. I don't know what I think of that tbh. I don't begrudge them, but wonder about the unfairness of the whole system. They have more scope to experiment and do 'creative' work than other people I know.

AnnabelleLecter · 04/12/2018 23:26

I'm not a fan of holding onto lots of wealth and waiting until you're dead to give it away!

I totally agree with you

AhhhhThatsBass · 04/12/2018 23:33

If parents have the means to help their children out, then why not. I plan on giving my daughter her “inheritance” before I die rather than after as I think it will benefit her more when she is 21 than when she is 50. I’ve made a conscious decision to help my child out and am accounting/planning for it now.

cantfocus1 · 04/12/2018 23:42

I’ve had countless people tell
me they’ve never meant a real
Londoner before, I’m pretty sure i’m the same as them. Also I met quite a few people through work in my 20s who would say they were from London, conversation would then turn to what schools they went too & where they went out clubbing, etc. It would then transpire that they only moved here 2 years ago which I always found odd.

cantfocus1 · 04/12/2018 23:42

wrong thread!

Sewrainbow · 04/12/2018 23:47

We don't never have, never will.

Chucky16 · 04/12/2018 23:52

When dm passed away, I inherited just under £40000. I paid for my daughters wedding and gave her some money towards her house. I gave 2 of my children the deposits for their houses. Unfortunately this meant I had given away more than I inherited. Youngest child still at home though in his mid 20’s and has no intention of leaving home. I have promised him a larger share of our house when anything happens to me, so he can afford a mortgage to pay his siblings out, or hopefully if he wants to leave home I will have saved up enough for his deposit.
We don’t have a lot, but really don’t need a lot so in my view, why have money sitting in the bank when you can help your family onto the property ladder.

Oopsusernamealreadytaken · 05/12/2018 00:00

No financial help from either sets of parents. MIL kindly has the children for us one day a week (school runs) but we pay her for it.

Most people I know who have managed to buy around here have done so with the help of parents. Whether that’s letting them live with them rent free, or chucking them a deposit/fees. Either that or they bought with 100% mortgages.

I do feel envious at times, but try and use the energy to be happy with what we have. Smile

Elphie54 · 05/12/2018 00:03

My parents don’t provide housing assistance, but they do watch my dd (2) once a week, overnight, at our flat since dp and I work one overnight shift a week that over laps, for no cost.

Mummblebee · 05/12/2018 00:06

I don't get anything. No inheritance. Mum wanted us to pay our keep as soon as we were working.

Don't think she was being mean but that was our situation. shrugs

My advice would be dont compare yourself to other people as you will end up feeling resentful and hard done by.

Letsmoveondude · 05/12/2018 00:13

Sometimes it’s quite common, my DH was always the poor one in his circle of friends, friends had new cars and houses bought for them by their parents, some had hefty deposits, infact one of our friends was given 3 houses by his parents- neither of us really got anything.

I was chucked out of my mums house when she could no longer claim benefits for me as a dependent. I was out of her house with a baby with only the clothes I stood in 3 months after my 17th birthday and have had absolutely nothing.
My husband got his first car bought for him, it wasn’t expensive but a lovely sentiment, other than that however he hasn’t had any help.

Infact, we’re now in a situation where PIL are now unable to financially support themselves through their bad planning and frivolous spending, and they are demanding we pay them an allowance. How I wish things were different.

Gilld69 · 05/12/2018 00:24

i wasnt in a position to help mine buy a house but if i was i would . i did decorate and buy things they needed and i help out in other ways , we do what we can when we can

SusieQ5604 · 05/12/2018 01:32

Teastory that's horrible! Where were you supposed to go during the holidays?????