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Original poster

Does anyone NOT get financial help from parents these days?

356 replies

Milly848 · 03/12/2018 09:43

It seems everyone around me is getting money for house deposits or even full houses from their parents. These people are in their late 20s and 30s. I'm not sure if it's the area I live in, or if it's normal.

It makes me feel quite bad, as my parents haven't given me a penny since I was 18, let alone thousands for a deposit. I've had to save everything from the work I earn, and I'm on a relatively low wage. I thought this was the norm, but now I'm feeling it's the exception.

Is it possible these days to get by without financial help/inheritance?

OP posts:
Bunnyfuller · 04/12/2018 19:01

Not a thing. DH parents are overseas and penniless. Mine are 300 miles away and penniless. We do every thing just us two. I think it’s made us closer and more appreciative

Teacher22 · 04/12/2018 19:05

My parents gave me nothing and my mother has nothing to leave so I have paid for everything myself, if that makes you feel any better. It can be done. My DH was left some cash by his hardworking (but not rich) parents and he had some redundancy payments when he was let go and out of a job.

We just worked our socks off for forty years to buy our house. It was fine. We feel great about it. We live in a very wealthy area, too, and when the kids were small they had friends with very, very well off parents. We just said to ourselves we were not going to let the conspicuous consumption get to us or the children and they have grown up pretty normally.

90mammasophie · 04/12/2018 19:08

I have to admit I have had the benefit of parents having successful careers, working hard and saving hard. They saved up for years to put me through university, paying my study fees. They have given us a generous deposit for our house and take us on a nice holiday once every few years. It's really generous and I am so grateful to them. It's not something they had to do, I haven't asked for any of it but they want to and feel proud to be able to. They are very kind and have worked exceptionally hard all there lives in demanding careers. I will do the same for my children. I want to set them up as well as I can.

toxic44 · 04/12/2018 19:09

Neither DP nor I had anything from our parents. My mum sold me her house at market value and his parents have never given him a bean although they gave his eldest brother a car and his middle brother a house deposit. Whatever we have is ours; we've worked for it, saved for it and we don't have to go with our begging bowls to anyone.

simiisme · 04/12/2018 19:21

I wouldn't say it's the norm, although some people are lucky like that.
Neither DH or myself ever had any financial help from our parents, as they were not well off. Sadly they're all dead now.
We had a bill for over £60K for my Mum's care home fees when she passed away; her not very expensive (£85K) home was sold to cover the costs and the balance was swallowed up in legal fees, for the funeral and in gifts for other members of the family.
We bought the house ourselves, so at least we have the memories :)

browneyes77 · 04/12/2018 19:27

Ironically this is something me and my OH talk about a lot. Seems like everyone we know gets money for their deposit from the their parents. Ours would if they had the money but they just don’t have that kind of cash so we have to do things for ourselves. Not that we’d expect them to give us that kind of money, just that they couldn’t even though they’d like to.

We never seem to understand where their parents get all this money from. Ours have worked all their lives and barely have a pot to piss in.

BackBoiler · 04/12/2018 19:31

I have only asked my parents (or being given it) once and it was when I accidentally flushed my lightweight glasses down the toilet!

Chocolate50 · 04/12/2018 19:35

My parents didn't give me money for a house but helped out with childcare. As a teen they never gave me anything I was really independent even paid for my own driving lessons. My youngest DD is 17 & we are paying for her lessons to drive & a car when she passes. Its something we want to do. I have helped out a lot financially with my other older children but couldn't afford to buy them a house or give them thousands for a deposit! I wish!

BackBoiler · 04/12/2018 19:35

@GerardButlersBird brilliant post! X (not generally accepted but a big kiss anyway!!!)

celticprincess · 04/12/2018 19:38

I’m 40. 1st house I took on a 125% mortgage which bought the house and my furniture. When I sold the house to buy with (now ex) DH we also took a 125% mortgage as there wasn’t much equity when we sold as I’d only had it a year. I used the equity to pay off my student loans (bad move as they could have been left and written off soon). When we sold that house to relocate we made £0 on it after paying off the fees etc. My mother let me live rent free and then we decided to rent for a while so she bought the flat we rented as an investment, we still paid rent to cover her mortgage. Was only meant to be until we got sorted to buy again. She sold it at a loss after we moved. We then bought with a 100% mortgage the week before they stopped doing them. Had no deposit and would never have been able to save for one. I’m still living in this house but it’s in negative equity. My mother has leant me money to put in a new bathroom not long after we moved in but we paid it back monthly so was a 0% loan until I was made redundant and we were told to halt payments. My mum does help me out by subbing me some cash or buying the kids odd bits of clothes and class fees for hobbies etc. His parents never offered us a penny and refused to be guarantors for our mortgage. They do buy the kids things but not quite to the same degree as my side. They have savings accounts/investments though for when they turn 18. All my cars have been bought in finance. I’ve just taken out a study postgrad loan to study further in the hope of retraining.

I’ve never asked for money. It’s been offered but never the amount to buy a house or put a deposit down. They can’t really afford it. My dad gives me £0 and says I’ll get it when he dies. They aren’t together. My mother will often take me and the kids on holiday and pay for it - caravan place type holidays.

I have had a lot of free childcare from mum for my children as she retired early when my oldest was born. She helps out with money when she can and if she can afford to. I always feel bad about taking it off her but she says she’d rather she saw me enjoy it now that leave it all when she’s dead - although she owns a house too.

I guess if people can afford to help their children then the children are lucky. But our generation are going to struggle to be able to retire and I can’t see that I can ever help my children out financially when they’re older the way my mum does now for me. Sometimes I think people who have had that sort of help appreciate how hard it is for those who haven’t.

carnationmilkcraving · 04/12/2018 19:43

My parents pay for nursery for my son 6 thousand a year

My parents give me money at Christmas, for treats, birthday etc I would say at least 3 thousand a year

Pay for flights to see them

Pay for our hotel when we are there

My husband parents paid the deposit on his house he bought before he met me we still live here now

My parents bought my first car and driving lessons

And then also our parents paid for our wedding

We are so lucky

I have always worked since I was 14 though

Yawnsy · 04/12/2018 19:44

No money, no childcare, no wedding, no deposit.

I did it myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy waaaaaaaaaaaaay.

carnationmilkcraving · 04/12/2018 19:46

Oh and in the last year they have also spent at least 20k on my health as I was really ill and needed a lot of support which is why they pay for nursey
But I had a lot of stuff done to my back privately and a lot of private medication

I was at breaking point and the nhs were not treating me just expecting me to take pain killers for life

MyHomeworkAteMyDog · 04/12/2018 19:49

My parents don’t even send my kids a card at Xmas.

babyno5 · 04/12/2018 19:54

I don’t think it’s the norm OP. That said sadly me and my partner both lost parents last year so both inherited not insubstantial amount of money. When they were alive we didn’t have handouts from them but if we’d been in desperate straits they would have helped. With our children we’ve helped with first cars etc but would offer deposit money etc. Yes would help if they were desperate etc but they’ll have to wait till we shuffle off this mortal coil to get any big windfall.

Helpel · 04/12/2018 20:06

My parents have my daughters one day a week and my MIL has them two days a week, they gave me 5k for my first wedding (that never happened (!) but they wanted me to keep the money to start afresh) then another 5k for my wedding to my husband. They have given my sister the same amount for other things as she has never married. We bought our own home. Both my MIL and parents gift us between 500 and 1k most Christmases ( recently) and they have paid for 3 family holidays on milestone birthdays. All have worked hard and long for savings and pensions to do this. We don't need the money but it is always very welcome despite not being asked for or expected. I hope and plan to do exactly the same for our girls and my husbands boys from previous relationship, both in terms of childcare and money. Being given money doesn't necessarily mean you don't understand the value of it. We know how fortunate we are. Amongst my friends (all in late 30s) there is a scale from nothing to everything. We are in the middle.

Elfontheshelfiswatchingyoutoo · 04/12/2018 20:10

How odd. Can you parents afford to fund you and made you work for every penny?
If they can but choose not to give you any money at all I can see why you may feel put out... If they can't afford to though then welcome to the club! Along with the entire majority of the world.

Personally I hope to help my dc as much as I can at whatever level I can. Ideally I'd like 4 savings plans for them.

1 for when they turn 18 hopefully to buy driving lessons with, get car, insurance etc... 2, for uni help.
3, for their weddings...

4, to give them when they have kids.. Bit by bit.

csigeek · 04/12/2018 20:13

Our deposit for our house was inheritance from my dad, everything else has been paid for by us. Our parents give us the occasional gift, for example my FiL recently retired and cashed in a pension, gave all the kids a present to buy something they needed.
If some parents can and do then that's fine. If some parents can't or won't then that's also fine.

GerardButlersBird · 04/12/2018 20:17

Thanks @Backboiler 😊

SadOtter · 04/12/2018 20:26

I've never had anything, but my parents are poorer than I am so they couldn't help even if they wanted to.

Lalallals248 · 04/12/2018 20:30

My parents have helped me out financially. When I bought my house, they helped me pay the solicitors fees, for example. I’ve alwyas paid them back, though. They have savings so help is usually in the form of an interest free loan (that does always get paid back - no let offs). My husband however has never had any financial help from his side and wouldn’t dream of ever asking - they don’t believe in it.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 04/12/2018 20:51

Not a penny from my parents.

Not because they wouldn’t help but because they don’t have the cash. Even if they did I wouldn’t have the audacity to ask.

Girlsnightin · 04/12/2018 21:05

Very lucky that parents have always helped us, to drive us forward. They were both born into abject poverty and worked hard to get out. They like to give us what they wernt.
They gave us a great work ethic too, so always worked, but they've always been there and provided for weddings, deposits, paid off loan, boilers. We've never had to ask, it's always offered as they know money does not go far these days.
I want to reiterate how lucky we know we have been in many respects and have never met any friends with parents as generous as ours.

OrangeSunsets · 04/12/2018 21:15

There seems to be a massive mix on here.
My parents have nothing, I grew up with nothing. My shoes were always too tight and my shirts had yellow stains.
They lent my older sister their life savings.
My little brother (7 years) now owes them their life savings after my sister paid it back.
I’m an expat and spend 3k plus every 2 years to bring them out to see me. Plus £5k plus each year to see them.
Beyond the 24 hour £20 loan on a Friday night when I was 18 I have never borrowed a penny. In fact I lent them £6k to buy a car as their loan hadn’t gone through in time and my CC had the limit.
I doubt they will ever get the money back from bastard bro. I can’t keep helping them out.
Parents aren’t cash cows. Stand on your own two feet.

PokeInTheEar · 04/12/2018 21:17

SoyDora

I’m not saying that families doing the child care is the done thing for everyone. What I’m saying is that just because lots of people do get childcare from their families, it doesn’t mean that we feel entitled to it, expect it, ask for it, or even that we feel particularly lucky to receive it. It’s what our parent did, it’s what we do, and will also do in the future.

It boils my piss every time I see people commenting that anyone who gets free childcare from their parents is automatically a free loading, entitled, all round bad ‘un 🙄