Does anyone NOT get financial help from parents these days?

[Milly848]

It seems everyone around me is getting money for house deposits or even full houses from their parents. These people are in their late 20s and 30s. I'm not sure if it's the area I live in, or if it's normal.

It makes me feel quite bad, as my parents haven't given me a penny since I was 18, let alone thousands for a deposit. I've had to save everything from the work I earn, and I'm on a relatively low wage. I thought this was the norm, but now I'm feeling it's the exception.

Is it possible these days to get by without financial help/inheritance?

I certainly know people who have been gifted healthy sums and / or gonon family holidays paid for by parents. But these are parents who have had decent jobs and are sitting on big final salary pension schemes and expensive houses.

My parents don’t hand out cash (in fact I have always expected to be funding them) but I am lucky to be in a well paid job and my parents gave me a significant financial boost by allowing me to live for several years at their property for a low rent and raising me in such a way that I didn’t waste the opportunity...

I would say a cash gift early on to buy a property is one of the biggest differentiating factors 10-15 years later given the exponential growth in house prices.

Ive never had any financial help from my parents. Always had to hand over one third of my pay when I lived at home - even from my paper round when I was 13! Never had any babysitting. I didn’t inherit anything when mum died and if my dad dies before his subsequent wife (very likely) I won’t inherit anything from him either.

I am a little bit bitter but also quite proud that DH and I have got where we are entirely through our own determination and hard work.

We do help our own children. We are supporting DD through uni and will continue to do so if she goes on to do a masters.

I'm in my 50s and my parents haven't helped me out since I left university when I was 22. To be fair, I haven't really needed any help. I haven't always been earning a lot myself, but I married DH quite soon after uni and between us we have always had enough. They did help my sibling who was single for a lot longer and was sometimes really broke. I don't feel resentful because our situations were completely different. Having said that, I have a friend who is over 60 and her mum helped her out with her mortgage when she split up with her husband just a few years ago. She wanted to and my friend was grateful - I don't think that's hurting anyone.

I am 32 and have never had financial help from my parents. I went away to uni at 18 and funded myself through that and since.

To be honest, I had a part time job from 14 and was pretty self sufficient from then on.

In my case, it's more that they couldn't rather than wouldn't.

My DH is quite a lot older than me but also never had financial help and funded himself through uni. Again, his parents couldn't.

It has made us very careful with money though and as a result we have a very comfortable life now.

I think working hard and managing to be independent does people more good than being handed things on a plate.

It's nice if parents help but I don't see why they should feel they have to unless their offspring are making some effort to save/go without.

So many people could manage to get on the housing ladder through spending less and working harder (yes even if that meant they had to move to the dreaded North) but they would rather moan about it being too expensive.

Providing a good education and self confidence alongside a strong work ethic should be enough for people to make their own way in the world (assuming good health)

Both my parents had died before I left school. We lived in a council house and my mum managed to scrape together the cash to buy it before she died so that we each (I'm one of four) inherited £6,000 from the sale.

As an adult, by dint of my husband, I move in different financial circles and even have friends who look at me quite blankly when I mention mortgages and personal pensions. One of them actually went on to be gifted a house on marriage and to inherit £6 million in cash and a series of London properties.

But that's all by the by. What really pisses me off is the fact that not only has my daughter not got a single grandparent but I now find myself having to listen to friends griping on about how inheritance tax is decimating what is 'rightfully theirs'.

No, it isn't. You didn't earn it.
And be grateful for the extra years with your parents.
Really , there are times when I really feel quite stabby.

Sorry if this is a rehash of stuff above. Couldn't bear to RTFT.

cantfocus That has always been the case.

Well dh's parents are dead and there might be a couple of thousand left when the sale of their ex council house goes through. My parents have nothing spare to give, even if we wanted or needed it.

So yes, there really are people who don't get help from their parents.

eightoclock It only goes so far. I am envious of friends who have gone part time to look after kids on the back of financial help, and I know so many people who have retired early on the back of financial help and inheritances. DP and I have worked hard and self funded more education than any of these friends. We will still be working till 67.

My parents are really affluent but they wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire. They didn't even give me any support when I was homeless and hungry.

@Xenia - no of course not! I agree wholeheartedly. I plan to work for as long as possible too. It's the attitude of people who are given free childcare by relatives but then sniff at leaving children with childminders / at nursery that irks.

I got lots of help in the form of a (huge) interest free loan as a house deposit, which i paid back in full over 3 years.

I feel a tiny bit jealous of my friends who were all gifted the huge house deposits (not joking when i say one couple were given about 400k between her parents and his )

But then i give my head a wobble. We are very lucky and very comfortable. There's always someone that has it worse and someone who has it better OP, don't compare and just strive for the best for yourself.

In my circle of friends huge gifted deposits are common and i don't think i know anyone who didn't receive substantial help, but even before reading this thread i knew that was unusual (haven't RTFT but i see MN concurs that help is not normal)

I don't know anyone personally who has been given a house deposit by their parents, but I do know 4 or 5 people who have inherited £75K to £150K this past 2-3 years when a parent died. I know some people may say 'but they had to lose their parent(s) for them to get the money!' But many people lose parents and get fuck-all! So at least these people got fuckloads of money!

I mean, I know ONE person (aged 43,) whose mother and father died within 2 months of one another (last year,) and this person was living with them. (He is single, never married, no kids.) His parents rented, so when his dad died - then his mother soon after - he lost the tenancy, and the home he had lived in for 43 years since he was born!

He now lives in a little one bed private let flat, because the council were not obliged to house him. (His name was not on the tenancy agreement.) So he lost both his parents AND his home within 3 months.

As I said, it's horrible for anyone to lose a parent (or both,) but getting a big inheritance from them, is a lot better than getting fuck-all, and being kicked out of your bloody home!

We had no help at all. We paid for our own wedding, our houses, everything including childcare. We were given an umbrella as a wedding present by my inlaws. Most of our friend had significant helping hands are that means they’ve ended up ahead of us financially. Most had additional help with childcare, holidays, school fees, presents such as bicycles etc.
We did all right though. We have helped our children get on the property ladder at a young age and furnished their homes. We pay towards holidays for them and subsidise them with things like weekends away, a wine delivery etc. We’ll pay for their weddings and have paid off university debts. Our youngest will get her university fees and loans paid off if she gets at least a 2:1. It does put them in a very good position to start their adult life but they work hard, we are very proud of them and it’s a joy to help out.

We just bought our first house, we had financial help but we didn't need it- it was given anyway and we used it to do up the house we had already decided to buy. It just depends on your situation I guess

So, did name and some numbers OP come back, or are they furiously taking notes?

I disagree abacucat as the majority of my friends parents have or had normal jobs; teachers, police, taxi drivers, etc. I don’t think many people in those jobs will be quite so comfortable in the future. Also catchment areas for the good schools were not so tight, my local outstanding primary furthest offer was 250 metres & the minimum for a flat is 650k. I’m in the same area I grew up in & my primary was a 25 min walk away.

I'm a property solicitor and the vast majority of my FTB clients have gifts from family members to help with deposits (I'm in the NW in an area where houses are overall pretty cheap).

DH and I didn't have any family help with our deposit when we bought our house, but we did receive very generous family contributions towards our wedding. DF also quite likes to sometimes send a random £50 here and there and tell me to treat myself too, bless him

We help DHs parents financially. Neither if our respective families are in a position to help us.

My Dad gave me £2k to put a deposit on a flat while I was a student, my mortgage was cheaper than the rent they were paying for me - so it was a sound decision. I paid him back £7k when I sold the flat 12 years later - he didn't expect me to and I appreciated that but I no longer needed the help.

No financial help from my parents. Never expected any and I'm fine with it. I like to work for what I have.

My in laws gave us a substantial amount to put towards our deposit. It made me feel very uncomfortable and my husband could never see any issue with it. Turning it down wasn't an option.

He has been happy to take whatever they've offered him over the years because 'they can afford it'

Zero here since I left home at 19. However if I have the money to help my kids when they are older then I gladly will do. Don’t think you should feel bitter about it, it’s just some people have money to share some don’t. I also think it may be a case that some parents may have money that they’d rather spend on their children instead of costly care bills when they are in need of it. Hiding their wealth.

My parents paid my way through university - well majority of the difference between grant and full grant. They paid for our wedding in full - except our licence, we paid for that, but we married straight out of university at 21, so no huge savings. They lent us money towards a deposit on our first house, which we mostly paid back, but they stopped cashing the cheques and refused to take more - but at the time were also helping my sister so we gratefully accepted. No regular childcare, we live too far away, but regular weeks holidays staying with the grandparents for our dc in the school holidays. Parents helped financially when dc were younger, buying clothes and shoes etc. We could afford them, but they wanted to help us out and took pleasure in buying them. They are currently providing a significant part of the difference between maintenance loan and full maintenance loan for our dc at university. If we go out for dinner together it is a fight to buy my dad a drink let alone pay for our meals, but we do sometimes succeed in paying for him.

I am very thankful for all the financial help, and we will try to help our dc with deposits and support when their dc are at university if and when that happens.

My mother was widowed when we were young children, so my 3 siblings and I were never under any illusion that there would be a gravy train of house deposits, cars, or any other financial help. My mother's only asset was the family home. As soon as we were working we were helping her out with bills and little luxuries like holidays.

We paid for our own weddings, bought our own cars, and saved up our own deposits. We each married people from similar backgrounds to our own, so they too knew the value of hard work and saving. It helps when you and your spouse are on the same page financially.

Also, we are in our 50s. It was the done thing when we married to save up the deposit and buy the house right before you married, and move into it after the honeymoon. It is a LOT easier to save the deposit BEFORE you have kids. Trying to save while paying childcare or living on one income is really hard, so don't put the cart before the horse.

Decisions you make when you are young can have big financial implications when you are older. Education choices, career choices all impact your life - being a starving artist may be romantic when you are young, but when you are older and staring at a future of rising rents and falling income, not so much.

Marry someone with a good work ethic, it means much more than having parents who can afford to give you money.