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Original poster

Does anyone NOT get financial help from parents these days?

356 replies

Milly848 · 03/12/2018 09:43

It seems everyone around me is getting money for house deposits or even full houses from their parents. These people are in their late 20s and 30s. I'm not sure if it's the area I live in, or if it's normal.

It makes me feel quite bad, as my parents haven't given me a penny since I was 18, let alone thousands for a deposit. I've had to save everything from the work I earn, and I'm on a relatively low wage. I thought this was the norm, but now I'm feeling it's the exception.

Is it possible these days to get by without financial help/inheritance?

OP posts:
elfer · 03/12/2018 19:49

Although I didn’t have any help I intend to help my own dc. The thing is too many people make excuses for not working hard towards a good job early. For me it was obvious I wasn’t going to get anything at all so I started to think about how I would provide for myself In school.
If people are lucky enough to get help why shouldn’t they. I think it’s so nice when parents help their dc. My life was so boring when I was saving for a house deposit Ideally my dc won’t have to do that. I hope to instil in them a good work ethic though as well.

Chloe84 · 03/12/2018 19:53

No money as such from parents but did live at home after uni and only had to pay £250pm rent to mum so was able to save alot of money.

Betsy86 · 03/12/2018 19:57

I have had a promise from a grandparent that if she wins big on the lotto in her words 15million or over.... then she will buy my tiny rented house and i can ummm rent it off her for £100 less than i pay now.
Cheers cant wait Hmm

OnNaturesCourse · 03/12/2018 20:01

Me!

Completely independent. Our parents do treat our kids to things, but off their own back and we'd manage to provide if they didn't. I have been pretty independent since about 20 aside from living at home for a while (where rent was paid, own washing cooking etc done from age 16)

greenpop21 · 03/12/2018 20:04

In my 40s, had no help.

Biologifemini · 03/12/2018 20:07

Dh and I got a massive leg up from parents and both sets paid throughout university and beyond. It was pretty common in our friendship group and the kids weren’t in bad jobs either.

Noviceoftheweek · 03/12/2018 20:08

I will be happy to help my DC when the time comes and in fact have already made arrangements there (trusts, pensions etc). I would be seething if it was expected of me though.

Being wealthy comes with some baggage, particularly around other people’s expectations of you. Some of the things that have been said to me have taken my breath away. So inappropriate.

Thankyounext · 03/12/2018 20:10

Tbh I am happy that I have always been independent and I wouldn’t be comfortable to accept thousands from my parents even if they were in a position to offer it.

user1461609321 · 03/12/2018 20:14

Bump

foxyloxy78 · 03/12/2018 20:32

Never taken a penny OP. Funded everything ourselves and actually give them some now....

animallikeyou · 03/12/2018 21:24

Nope, no help here but I am intending on saving every penny next year to pull towards a deposit.

My parents are divorced and have been for over 10 years. Mam had to pay Dad out of the house so it was a remortgage. She doesn’t earn much at all now.

Dad said he would give me £10k only if my mam did the same, she can’t afford to at all. So I won’t be getting the £10k from my dad.

It’s OK, I will find a way. :)

ChanklyBore · 03/12/2018 21:32

You realise being jealous of an inheritance is basically being jealous of people who have been orphaned?

I bought by wotking, and by saving up. I bought my first flat when I was 21.

But I also lost a parent in my teens and both parents by 24. I’m not sure you want what you think you want. Help? They can’t help when they are dead.

SleightOfMind · 03/12/2018 21:34

I’m 44, with 4DC and have had no help from my DM (DF was a wonder but we lost him 12 years ago Sad).
She lives around the corner, has pots of cash but zero interest in babysitting or helping financially.
She spends her time and money at her church and her job but will land round here demanding succour if she gets as much as a sniffle. She also likes to turn up at supper time on a school night when she can have something to eat and know the DC will be safely whisked off to bed.
At the risk of sounding like an utter bitch, I’ve never been high on her list of priorities and, the way I cope with it now, is to make her low on mine.
As she gets older, she does seem to expect I’ll magically drop my work, husband and children for her. It’s not going to happen.

JaceLancs · 03/12/2018 21:36

No help from my parents
When I got married many years ago - we were buying first home too - they gave us £500 towards furniture as a wedding gift
I have on more than one occasion borrowed money from them most recently to buy a newer car, they won’t accept interest but I do pay back in full n will buy them something or take them out for a meal as a thank you

Schuyler · 03/12/2018 22:55

I’ve been given money and I’ve given money. I’ve been given emotional support and I’ve given emotional support. That’s the way we do things in my family and in our culture. That said, nobody has enough to give large sums but we treat one another when we can and we have helped each other when needed.

Bozlem80 · 04/12/2018 17:30

Never had any help from parents even when me & DH (then boyfriend) were teenage parents & had nothing, no food in cupboards, gas or electric in the meters we just muddled through, on Friday we will be spending our first night away as a couple in over 21 years no kids just us!

caringcarer · 04/12/2018 17:42

I know i have been very lucky. My parents paid for all of my wedding reception and my dress and cake. I saved up for bridesmaids things and dh paid for all flowers and wedding transport. My Dad let me borrow money for my fist car and i paid back a little every month. When i paid he told me not to repay any more. My Mum helped me out with childcare one day a week and my sister another day so i could work part time when children small. Fad also gave me £2k deposit 28 years ago. My parents were not rich or even well off but always put their children first. Now my parents are both dead but i always try to help my adult children whenever i can be it paying for driving lessons and test to loaning money for car insurance to gifting help towards deposit or childcare. I had fantastic support from my parents and hope to pass on this legacy to my children and grandchildren. I have told them i would rather help them now when they need it than leaving them huge amounts in my will.

IngeD · 04/12/2018 17:43

“I didn’t get any help from my parents. We moved in with them and saved for our deposit”....
How ironic...I thought opening up your home to others meant helping out...

Moominmammacat · 04/12/2018 17:51

I bought for my two DSs when they were students. It made me money and it got them on the ladder. They are jolly lucky. I worked hard for every penny of it.

PokeInTheEar · 04/12/2018 18:12

I don’t understand this obsession on MN with free childcare from parents? When I was a kid, the summer holidays were spent cycling between grandparents and Aunts, along with my cousins, and when we grew up the older generation were horrified at the though of us paying for nursery for our kids while they sat at home retired, able and willing to spend time with their grandchildren while we went out to work. Likewise, when my daughter has children, I will of course be looking after them while she works. At no point did anyone feel entitled or under pressure to do this, it’s just the way things are done. The vast majority of my friends are the same 🤷🏻‍♀️

SoyDora · 04/12/2018 18:18

Likewise, when my daughter has children, I will of course be looking after them while she works. At no point did anyone feel entitled or under pressure to do this, it’s just the way things are done. The vast majority of my friends are the same

That’s fab, your children and theirs are very lucky! My mum still works full time to pay her mortgage, my dad spends the vast majority of his time on holiday with his new wife and DH’s parents live abroad, so for some (a lot?) of people it’s not the way things are done.

80sMum · 04/12/2018 18:21

I was very fortunate in that my MIL gave DH and I loan to help us buy our first house. Then 20 years later she gave us a monetary gift, with which we paid off our mortgage.

We in turn have given very significant amounts of money to our children to help them buy their homes. In the last 10 years, I reckon we have given away about £250k to the "children".

It's depleted our pension savings, but we feel very strongly that, as baby boomers, we benefited from being in the right place at the right time: it's much harder now for young people to get a foot on the ladder and we wanted to do all we could to pass on our good luck to our children.

I'm not a fan of holding onto lots of wealth and waiting until you're dead to give it away! For one thing, there's no satisfaction in it (you can't experience the joy of giving once you're gone) and for another thing, people need the money when they're starting out, much less so in their 50s and 60s.

SardineJam · 04/12/2018 18:25

In my circles (well colleagues) it's definitely the norm to have hefty deposits given, or for the couple to live with the parents for a number of years to save a deposit. Certainly not the case with me or do though 👎

thenovice · 04/12/2018 18:26

My parents both long dead. FIL dead. No help from MIL. She has a large amount in bank account. We have 2 small DD, a long period of sickness with no pay followed by no work at all. Just got new (not well paid) jobs.
Throughout all this MIL (and knowing the above) has whinged on that she expects us to take her on outings, buy her a new car/take her on holiday etc. Never once has she babysat. Never made a cup of tea, doesn't buy presents for the kids (her GCs). Some PILs are like that.

GerardButlersBird · 04/12/2018 19:00

My oldest age 26,, has his own home now (with his fiancée) and got no financial help from me and didn’t expect any because I just didn’t have it to give. He paid minimal rent in the years he was saving for his deposit and none for 3 months before he moved out and he was very very grateful for those rent free months as he helped him s lot (and was quite hard for me to manage). He knew that was our small financial contribution.

DD, 19, lives at home and pays even more minimal rent in proportion to her smaller (than DS’s was) wage. Last year she didn’t pay any rent as she was saving to go to New Zealand for 4 months. We told her she would need to pay rent once she was back and working and she was fine with that. She seems proud to contribute tbh.

I’d give my kids the coat off my back and they know it.. but they have never expected financial legs-up and would have been quite alarmed if I’d suddenly been in s position to offer them.

I feel proud of them and hope they grow to be wealthier than we ever have been (wouldn’t be hard!) but I know they are not hung-up on money.

Not trying to make us sound piously pain-the-arse (we aren’t! We are nice and dysfunctional, fear not!) but we aren’t really money orientated at all and I think that’s because we know from experience that if you don’t have your health, what use is money? DS has cystic fibrosis and I’m so proud of him for being on the property ladder at all. It’s not easy when you’re seen as “too risky for a mortgage”.