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Original poster

Does anyone NOT get financial help from parents these days?

356 replies

Milly848 · 03/12/2018 09:43

It seems everyone around me is getting money for house deposits or even full houses from their parents. These people are in their late 20s and 30s. I'm not sure if it's the area I live in, or if it's normal.

It makes me feel quite bad, as my parents haven't given me a penny since I was 18, let alone thousands for a deposit. I've had to save everything from the work I earn, and I'm on a relatively low wage. I thought this was the norm, but now I'm feeling it's the exception.

Is it possible these days to get by without financial help/inheritance?

OP posts:
user748596 · 03/12/2018 09:45

I've never had a penny - nor a minute of baby sitting time. Everything on my own. Some people are really fucking lucky.

StaffordshireWench · 03/12/2018 09:46

I'm a bit older but no it's not the norm ime.

There are more people in the UK with no savings than with savings.

DRE56322 · 03/12/2018 09:46

It must be- not all parents are wealthy enough to help out.
Most people just struggle by I suspect.

gamerchick · 03/12/2018 09:47

I don't. These people are lucky rather than the rule, my parents aren't in a position for that kind of help.

It would be nice if all parents could help with that stuff but not all can. I just get them through their driving lessons/test but know even that may not be reachable for everyone.

UpstartCrow · 03/12/2018 09:48

I've never had a penny from mine and don't expect to inherit either. The people I know who get a lot of support from theirs take it for granted and assume everyone else has the same.

Pinkyyy · 03/12/2018 09:49

Nothing will ever be the norm. Some parents could easily afford it but choose not to, some can hardly afford it but scrape up money to do so. It's totally dependent on the parents and I don't think anyone is being a bad parent for going either way

Notacluethisxmas · 03/12/2018 09:50

Not me. I am 36. Single parent and have my own house.

I saved all my deposit myself. When I was younger and have stayed owning.

In my circle, parents helping buy a house isn't common.

DoYouLikeHueyLewisandTheNews · 03/12/2018 09:51

I didn't get any financial help other than paying for my driving test (I paid for the lessons). They couldn't rather than chose not to.

We managed to buy a home with the help to buy scheme. I pay a big whack of my salary for student loan 10 years on as I had to take everything loan wise to get through my degree.

It is a little disheartening seeing the help other people have been given but I do appreciate what we have, which is a lot more than many people have.

AllWorkNoSleep · 03/12/2018 09:51

I know what you mean and I'm in the same boat as you. My parents did a great job bringing us up, with lots of lovely things and days out and holidays etc but haven't got enough savings for their retirement let alone to give us for a deposit etc. They've always taught us to only buy what we can afford and at 18 I bought my own car and paid for the insurance etc.

Instead, they let my OH and I stay at theirs rent free for 6 months to save up for a deposit ourselves. We got there in the end and I'm actually really proud that we can say we did it ourselves. I know others are in luckier situations and if I was gifted money for a house I know I wouldn't refuse it!

Just have to make use of the situation you're in and make it work for you. I'm not in the biggest or nicest house, but it's ours!

I know of others that have been gifted money for a deposit and are still struggling to get a place that works for them and get the right mortgage etc. It's difficult for everyone I think.

Jigglyjugs · 03/12/2018 09:51

I haven't had financial help from my parents since I got my first job at 18, in fact I ended up lending them money from my savings (which I never saw again Hmm).
DH and I saved our own money for a house deposit whilst living at his parents house. We paid rent whilst there and that went up every 6 months or so (just over half my monthly wage), we were hardly high earners at the time. So yes, it is possible to do things independently. It does suck though, especially when other family members seem to get handouts every now and then.

Bluntness100 · 03/12/2018 09:52

No it's not the norm. Why does it make you feel bad? Surely you would expect to be self sufficient?

SnuggyBuggy · 03/12/2018 09:53

I think there can also be cultural differences. When I moved back home after uni my DDad wouldn't even consider taking rent off me because he is from a culture where money flows down the generations and never up.

MissMalice · 03/12/2018 09:54

Nothing. Put myself through uni, didn’t qualify for any kind of loan for living costs, don’t get any support even when I’ve had to skip meals so I could make the food shop last longer for my children.

Bit of a kick as my mum used to complain that her mum was like this - buying expensive clothes, going on expensive holidays and then moaning that she had no money when my mum was searching the back of the sofa for bus fare every day - and now that’s what my mum does. She hasn’t worked for it, she married a rich man when I was in my teens.

I do feel resentful and there’s no way I’ll treat my children like that. If she had believed that parents didn’t need to support their children, she shouldn’t have spent my childhood implying that she’d support me no matter what.

Original poster
Milly848 · 03/12/2018 09:55

@Bluntness100 because everyone around me seems to get things very easily (yes I know there may be other things going on in their lives), but IMO paying for a house in this day and age is one of the hardest things to do in light of house prices these days, so the fact some don't even have to worry about this grates a bit.

OP posts:
tistheseasonn · 03/12/2018 09:55

I don't all my old school friends got brand new cars I saved for mine even though it cost me a grand it was my life!
My parents haven't got any money.
A lot of them have bought houses now so I'm guessing they had help.

blueskiesandforests · 03/12/2018 09:55

Most people's parents dont have that sort of money to hand out.

I borrowed £5k from my dad when I bought my first flat, but the repayment plan with low interest (the same as the money would have earned sitting in a savings account) started with immediate effect and I paid it back over 20 months.

My sister and bil were given a house outright by bil's parents, which they lost because he can't resist a get rich quick scheme and they had to sell to get out of debt. His parents have since given them a business. BILs parents pay some of their living expenses too. My parents essentially pay that sister an allowance. Some people have more money than sense, and some people manage to play the vulnerable hard done by card and get disproportionate amounts of help which nobody is allowed to raise their eyebrows at...

It's the friends you have OP! It happens but isn't the norm...

MissMalice · 03/12/2018 09:56

I don’t know anyone who has managed to buy a house except those who have inherited money or have had a large sum from parents.

TeaStory · 03/12/2018 09:56

I’m in my thirties and never had a penny from mine since I moved out at 19. I’m stunned when I see on here people saying they occasionally pay for groceries for their children at university or send them money - I wouldn’t have dreamed of such a thing. I got married in my twenties and had a budget wedding because it’s what we could afford, and really struggled to understand people who would incredulously say, “You’re not paying for it all yourself, though? What about your parents?!” when I explained I couldn’t afford a big do. Why would my parents be expected to give me anything when I was an adult? Or am I the strange one? I don’t know.

InDubiousBattle · 03/12/2018 09:58

Among our friends dp and I are the only ones who haven't had any help at all from our parents. 'Help' has included driving lessons, cars, house deposits, home improvements, rent free homes, child care, weddings paid for, even houses bought out right for them. It can easily amount to tens of thousands of pounds.

WhatWouldPennyDo · 03/12/2018 09:58

Virtually all of my friends have either had significant financial help or continue to do so - from ££££s for house deposits, weddings and cars, down to those whose parents still bring them food parcels. They all have decent jobs (all hold relatively senior, professional jobs, mostly in London, as do we). We are all in our 30s and 40s.

In contrast, we haven't had any financial assistance as neither set of parents are able to - although, I expect they'd give us their very last pound if ever we genuinely needed it.

Sometimes, I admit, I feel a little jealous, but mainly I consider them to be very lucky. I'm also grateful that we have what we do have down to our own luck, hard graft, and choosing careers that enable us to have the lifestyle we are comfortable with.

Mulberry72 · 03/12/2018 09:58

Nothing here, everything we’ve done we’ve done ourselves.

I wouldn’t ask for help, nor would I expect it.

Springmachine · 03/12/2018 10:02

I haven't expected any.

I have been given some.

I tried to refuse.

I told them to spend it on a nice holiday if they didn't need it.

I know they could afford to give a lot but if ever the worst should happen and they needed it, I wouldn't be able to give it back.

I have a nice small house.
I have a car that works.

I want to feel like anything on top I've achieved myself rather than through bank of mum and dad

Biancadelriosback · 03/12/2018 10:02

I did get help from my parents. Financially and childcare. I know I'm very, very lucky. However I know that I will never be able to offer this to my child. I won't be able to give him a deposit for a house and keep our own. I can only hope he does well enough to be able to save. DH and I have already agreed that when the time comes we will either sell our home or give it to DS. This is if/when he starts a family and needs a family home.

Springmachine · 03/12/2018 10:03

I should add - they do give us free childcare which they want to do and is worth its weight in gold to me

flowery · 03/12/2018 10:05

”It makes me feel quite bad, as my parents haven't given me a penny since I was 18, let alone thousands for a deposit.”

I don’t get why it makes you feel bad? You should be proud that you are self-sufficient and making your own way in the world instead of relying on hand-outs from mum and dad.

Lucky for those who do get that, and feel able/willing to accept it. But it’s nothing to feel bad about!