Does anyone NOT get financial help from parents these days?

[Milly848]

It seems everyone around me is getting money for house deposits or even full houses from their parents. These people are in their late 20s and 30s. I'm not sure if it's the area I live in, or if it's normal.

It makes me feel quite bad, as my parents haven't given me a penny since I was 18, let alone thousands for a deposit. I've had to save everything from the work I earn, and I'm on a relatively low wage. I thought this was the norm, but now I'm feeling it's the exception.

Is it possible these days to get by without financial help/inheritance?

ALL of my friends who own property have had some form of parental help whether it's gifted deposits, living at home rent free/low rent, parents paying legal/search/moving fees, doing free childcare (and enabling both parents to work and save) right down to a friend having a house bought for him so being mortgage free at 18. Quite a few also have parents who pay for family holidays.

Me and DP aren't so fortunate so will be in rented until we are around 40 and should finally have enough money to buy, however, our PIL are quite generous in taking us out for dinner and paying a few times a year.

Late 20s, married and have lived away from home for 11 years.

I get the odd £20 if I’m around and they gave £5k towards my wedding.

I agree PigletJohn, a good cross section of society on here.

No-one should be ashamed of being well off, it's just the way things have worked out, could have been quite the opposite! Better off people will have more freedom to help out others too.

Some of the success stories on here are inspirational in my view. Well done all! When I was extremely hard up I don't think I managed finances very well so am humbled.

Please, though, nobody be resentful of someone else's good fortune.

half and half around me I think.

Some people got help, some got a house gifted to them! (very wealthy families there), others get free childcare, or holidays paid by their parents. Some people have no help, others are the ones who help out their own parents.

I am saving to help my kids, and hope to be able to pay for at least their weddings and the deposit of their homes.

I am not sure why some people imagine that parents helping out is a new thing. The concept of dowry is hardly new, and even more recently SOME parents have always helped out their children. Nothing wrong with it.

I do find the attitude of people who could afford to help but refuse to do so once the child is 18 absolutely hideous. You don't spoil your kids because you help them out if you can. If you have raised them well and given the right values, nothing bad happens because you give them a push.

I've had a little bit of help, at times - nothing that really changed anything, but it was given with love. My mum is very generous, but not especially well off. Plus I live in a much more expensive part of the country, so money doesn't go as far here.

Without exception, all of my friends have been given huge amounts of money as property deposits (or sometimes just the property outright). I realise this isn't typical (I just know some people with very wealthy parents!), but it's tough. I work hideous hours in a very demanding job so I can own a modest property in London, and I'm surrounded by people who work half as much in far more 'fun' roles because they don't have to prioritise housing or pensions (they'll inherit, or the trust fund will sort them out). I'm proud of my achievements, but it's impossible not to be jealous sometimes.

No financial help from my parents or my inlaws. We bought a cheap house in a cheap area (northern England) after saving during university (yes it can be done if you don't go out ever!). This meant no alcohol, no cinema, no takeaways, buy in bulk and portion up meals, no TV contract - watched rented DVDs on laptop (thank you Blockbuster and then LoveFilm!). We didn't have a sofa or freezer for 1-2 years after moving in.

It can be done, but it really depends where you are located. We couldn't have managed in the south, or affluent areas. Council/ex council estates and 'rough' areas all the way for us! Love where we live, super friendly neighbours. Plus people put up Christmas decorations really early and I love it! I grew up in a rich family with a massive family home and we're the poorest of all my relatives but who needs anything more than warmth and food!

We've never stopped saving and now feel super rich (we're not, but we're much better off than when I worked 20 hours a week min wage part time, plus my husband's PhD funding). I have everything I need. We end up with far more disposable income than my parents or other family members who earn 2, 3, 4+ times our combined salary. My parents haven't helped out me or my sibling. They struggle to manage their money, so nothing to spare (it's unbelievable, they'll drop 20k on something then say they're poor). If they treat us to a meal at Wetherspoons I count our good fortune because we usually have to pay our part of all meals!

I have saved to help my dd through uni but it has taken yea s to do.
I have no spare cash other than a small amount incase the car dies/house problems but that is it.
I have given her a good start in life and when the time comes she will manage.

Never have and will never ask, as an adult I should and do take care of myself. My in laws spoil dd enough as it is.

I don't agree it's hideous that those who can help might not. Mmy parents' view was they would support us through education and then life choices were ours. (Although as i said I had a bit of help later) and I think that's a sensible view otherwise why would any child bother even to work much? You just damage them if you give them too much. I can certainly understand the view point of not helping after age 18.

I never expected anything from my parents and my children know my view is similar - pay for university. However I have chosen to help them a bit with a property purchase -one only and that's it and every child the same (if I can afford it). That is partly because when I die in 30 years I would rather the state did not take 40% of that money I have given to them now in inheritance tax and also if I were ever sued down to the last penny the money the children have had years before is unlikely to be at risk.

I get a lot of help from my mum (financially/practically - she's shit at the emotional stuff and will freely admit that) - she's paid for lots of renovations to our house, pays for the kids' swimming lessons and pays for DD2's speech therapy sessions - stuff we have no hope of affording without her support. She takes the kids away on holiday a couple of times a year and generally does the fun grandmother things she never got the chance to do when I was a child with them.

I feel crap to be in a situation where we've needed that, but she does it for the kids and we never ever ask for it. OK I think I asked if she'd loan me some money to get some glasses last year because I was getting headaches from my old ones.

My DM seems to thrive on me being a little bit dependent on her and money is historically how she's always, in her words, managed to "wave a magic wand." She'd much rather give me money than cuddle me.

But we got a deposit for our wedding present which basically set us up to be able to get on the housing ladder. We lost half of it on one property being in negative equity but then made it back selling the next place so we've managed fine. She's helped me out of some tight spots and helped us clear debt with interest free loans etc. We're extremely lucky. But throwing money at things is pretty much her modus operandi.

that's a sensible view otherwise why would any child bother even to work much?

completely disagree.
For the bank to agree on a mortgage, you need a decent salary anyway. Giving as much of a big deposit as you can is only a help, it can't be an incentive to do nothing.

University is the time when your kids should struggle a bit, with grotty accommodation, bad food but lots of fun. It's of no benefit to anyone to have to rent a crap place and waste money on rent when they could have started paying off a mortgage if you had helped them out.

It's the same with weddings, yes you can get married cheaply but if you want a big day and a lovely honeymoon, why shouldn't your parents help you out if they can?

It's a balance. Kids need to be taught to work hard and be responsible and independent, but life is short and anything can happen, so no point being a martyr and have no life when you are young either. You are only young for a short time, might as well enjoy it.

You don't stop being a parent and wash your hands of them because your child reaches 18.

Nothing from mine.
Everything DH and I have, we've worked for and got ourselves.

I'm one of six kids anyway. My parents would never have been able to help us all.

that's a sensible view otherwise why would any child bother even to work much?

On the flip side - why bother to work much if you’ll never get on the property ladder without parental support. There’s a balance I think. It’s possible to support without enabling laziness.

I''m 41 and my parents helped me a bit through Uni as I wasn't entitled to any funding - just loans, which I had to take out fully. They never gave me any help for buying a house - they wouldn't even give me any driving lessons in their car unless I paid their insurance. Dh is 38 and only got help when MIL died 3 years ago as he got his inheritance. This is despite both our parents being quite well off (dhs more so than mine because of lifestyle choices). It just wouldn't have occurred to either to help adults financially. I can see their points but we are planning on helping our dc if we can and are already working towards that even tho they ar small.

So those of you who didn't get any help from parents and are hugely resentful / envious of those who did - wouldn't you help your own C if you could?
Neither DH nor I got anything from parents but I don't begrudge a penny to my DC and will help them both because I can.

I think helping your kids is an investment in their future, not an incentive to do nothing.

I'd rather support my 20 year financially and allow them to do a 6 months unpaid internship opening doors to a better job, than expect them to give up on their dream job because they have to find a low-level role to support themselves from the start.

it's the same with the mortgage, it's just a push to get a better start.

if you can't afford it, no big deal, but if you can, why on earth wouldn't you?

So those of you who didn't get any help from parents and are hugely resentful / envious of those who did - wouldn't you help your own C if you could?

I expect I would, yes, but I have no children and will not be having any so it's moot.

And it's not so much that I'm envious of people who got financial help, it's more that I feel envious of people whose parents loved and cared for them.

Lots of people do, lots of people don’t.

Regardless of other peoples’ situations, comparison is the thief of joy. You have a job and are saving, you’re doing well OP.

My mum helped us out every time we upsized. We didn't ask she worked hard her whole life and lived a very comfortable non materialistic life where her one pleasure was seeing us and her dg happy.
She died 3 years ago and now we won't ever have to worry about money again.
I'd give it all back in a heartbeat to see her again, it's only money at the end of the day. We will hand it all down to our kids as they get older I'm sure.

You must mix in a certain circle

Most people I know are pushing it to manage buying adult children Xmas presents

My parents paid for my wedding but that was 30 years ago when it was traditional to do so. They haven't financially contributed to anything else in my adult life though or provided childcare. But things are different now (house prices) so although it wasn't easy for us, I think it is much harder for the current generation.

I have helped my DS out (university and car) and intend to help him out once he leaves Uni if he needs a house deposit. I can ony do this because of an inheritance that I received. He doesn' t know yet that we will help him and doesn't expect it. And any money we give him will probably be conditional upon him saving a good sum himself first - if possible. He is unlikely to come back and live around here as there are no jobs of the sort he is likely to want so he can't live here rent free whilst he saves up.

We were supported through uni by our respective parents. Since then I’ve not accepted a penny from my parents, the better half’s parents help out with bits of diy and horse care but no huge financial help.

We have managed to save a decent house deposit between us (>100k) and have no debt bar student loans. That said we have both prioritised careers, live frugally (showjumping habits aside) and have no kids in order to be able to be financially independent. If we wanted to have kids, buy a house, keep new cars and go on foreign holidays we wouldn’t be able to afford it without help.

My dad gave us a house deposit and money for ivf. We are very grateful. He was keen to do it when we needed it rather than us inheriting.

On the other hand, we get absolutely no babysitting from family. It feels like everyone we know has parents who want to take the kids for a weekend or even a week. My parents sometimes take our toddler for a 20 min walk.