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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone NOT get financial help from parents these days?

356 replies

Milly848 · 03/12/2018 09:43

It seems everyone around me is getting money for house deposits or even full houses from their parents. These people are in their late 20s and 30s. I'm not sure if it's the area I live in, or if it's normal.

It makes me feel quite bad, as my parents haven't given me a penny since I was 18, let alone thousands for a deposit. I've had to save everything from the work I earn, and I'm on a relatively low wage. I thought this was the norm, but now I'm feeling it's the exception.

Is it possible these days to get by without financial help/inheritance?

OP posts:
Jackshouse · 03/12/2018 10:39

Not here. I'm mid 30s. My parents did let me live with rent free when I bought a do-er upper/trashed flat/that was uninhabitable. DH did not get anything either but his brother 2 years younger was given 20k for a deposit and he spend all his money rather than saved. For year MIL keeps saying she will DH 20k to make it equal. We doubt it will happen and don't care about the money but constant offering when we need it and non materialisation is causing issues.

Marmite27 · 03/12/2018 10:40

Never had anything, but my mum did buy me lunch last week. I had however bought her dinner the evening before

Boredwithlife0 · 03/12/2018 10:41

I’m hugely proud of the fact that I’ve done (virtually) everything through my own hard work. Only a £3k loan when a relationship broke down so I could set myself up alone, and they wanted the money back ASAP (with interest). My narc mother would forever make me feel indebted to her if I received so much as a bag of peas from her and I can’t be doing with that, so I keep firmly out of their pockets these days. I’ll never inherit a penny from them and DH won’t get a lot from his folks either so we make do with what we’ve achieved ourselves, and be proud of that.

Skyejuly · 03/12/2018 10:41

I had 1000 toward wedding. Definitely no house deposit lol

MilkyCuppa · 03/12/2018 10:42

I don’t know anyone under 40 who bought a house without some sort of inheritance. Except for a few very high earners who aren’t the norm.

HoneyWings · 03/12/2018 10:43

I'm the same. Bought my first property on my own, DH and I paid for our wedding (his parents very kindly give generous engagement and wedding gifts) and we bought our first home together. Something that's been lingering in my mind recently and of course it's my parents prerogative with what they do with their money. However one parent inherited a large amount of money from millionaire GPs and it seems to all have been spent on holidays.

For comparison, one of the last things DHs GPs said to his DM was make sure the boys get their money. It was around £500 each but this would have been a large percentage of what they had.

Unsureofmyselfx · 03/12/2018 10:44

Haven’t had so much as a fiver off them since I was 16. If anything they call me to borrow money.

Soconfusedbylife · 03/12/2018 10:45

My parents will treat us to a night away, meals etc and provide some childcare but weren’t in a position to help with a house deposit nor did I expect it.

My in laws never had to buy their house as they inherited it very young and so they very kindly gave us some money as a deposit for our house. This was when we said we were buying and so we didn’t rely on their deposit but it obviously was a massive help.

TheBouquets · 03/12/2018 10:45

I have grown up DCs and I wanted to help them with various things. They have partners but the partners and their families are not in a financial position to give help.
First event. Wanted to help with the costs of a large item. A fixed sum was stated. The partner wanted more! DC told but saw no reason why partner should not demand more.
Second event. Paid costs of something to assist DC. No attempt to pay a single penny towards this. Lies told by partner about their family trying to pay.
Third event. Wanted to help with costs of large item. Same fixed sum as above to keep DCs even. DC wanted a dearer posher item but could not get credit so put forward the full amount to be paid back interest free. Repayments fine so other sums lent. Change of partner all payments stopped and never mentioned.

Fourth event. DC wanted large household item. Used my Credit Card to obtain same. Item was never delivered and money paid back by the company to my Credit Card.
As a result of the above, I will not be parting with a cent to DCs. They only have themselves to blame.
The Bank of Parents is now shut.
I don't know why young adults of today think they should be living out of the Parental Bank Account.

BobbinThreadbare123 · 03/12/2018 10:45

Nope, never got a penny from parents once I turned 16. Was quite poor at uni. My mum had nothing to give.

Mydogisforlife · 03/12/2018 10:46

Lots of my friends look after their grandchildren for a day or two a week. So even though they're not handing over cash to their adult children they're saving them thousands in child care costs.
And living rent free is the equivalent of a gift of several thousand pounds, surely.

popcornwizard · 03/12/2018 10:47

I’m stunned when I see on here people saying they occasionally pay for groceries for their children at university

Really? Don't be so ridiculous, it's not difficult to understand.

mortifiedmama · 03/12/2018 10:49

It is definitely the norm here. I'd say out of my friends I get least help - had some for a house deposit and some for my wedding, so not exactly hard done by, but there is no more. Where as friends (and DH) seem to get frequent large hand outs (one friend has has 40k, another 150k, both on top of house deposits and weddings). DH and I are very grateful for them, but they aren't necessary - we make financial decisions based on our own income and any they gave us whilst welcome, does go on doing up the house where we would have just otherwise put up.

VanGoghsDog · 03/12/2018 10:49

I never had 'help' when I needed it, no.

But my dad has now retired and they are very comfortable. I got £1k when he retired, which I sued to learn to drive. That was about 25 years ago. I am 50 now.

Now they give me £500 each at Christmas and birthday, which is nice but it's not 'support', I really am lucky enough not to need it.

I got a £50k inheritance a couple of years ago, which was nice, but, again, it wasn't when I 'needed' it - I bought my flat with no help at all and not had any significant help to buy subsequent properties. The £50k is all in savings.

I think things are harder today, I help out my niece and nephew and they do both still get money from their parents (they are late 20's) but I don't think they're going to get 'deposit' amounts unless someone dies (probably me!). Cars seem to be cheaper/less significant purchases though.

flowery · 03/12/2018 10:52

”they let my OH and I stay at theirs rent free for 6 months to save up for a deposit......I'm actually really proud that we can say we did it ourselves.”

Confused
alwaysthepessimist · 03/12/2018 10:53

I don't, never have & even if they could afford it neither me nor DH would take it

alwaysthepessimist · 03/12/2018 10:54

although they do give us free childcare & pick ups from school - that is worth way more than any money to us & DD adores her time with them both

cptartapp · 03/12/2018 10:56

We bought our first house without a penny from either set of parents. SIL got £10k towards hers from FIL( and all her wedding paid for) but DH got nothing towards either.
PIL are sitting on hundreds of thousands in investments but late 70's they spend nothing. I suppose it will all go on care or inheritance tax.

RedSkyLastNight · 03/12/2018 10:56

Neither DH or I get any practical or financial help from our parents.

I do have friends who've had quite substantial amounts given towards house purchases, but I don't know anyone past the very young adult/starting out stage who gets regular financial support. Lots who get help in the form of childminding/babysitting though.

SoyDora · 03/12/2018 10:56

We don’t get any childcare either, my mum works full time and my dad is too busy with his new wife (much younger than him) and her DC. DH’s family live abroad.

Youmadorwhat · 03/12/2018 10:56

Well if we’re talking weddings and university I did get help I suppose 🤣
Our wedding was paid for in full by both sets of parents.
I worked throughout university (free uni in Ireland back then) so no student loans but my parents paid my accommodation (student halls) and I used my earnings for food etc. But after that I was on my own.

user187656748 · 03/12/2018 10:57

No help here. But lots of our friends with children in independent school have at least some of the fees paid by grandparents. BF has two lots of school fees paid by their parents plus they've just been handed down a 1 year old very expensive car and had their new kitchen and two bathrooms paid for by parents. Plus their parents pay for one of their holidays each year.

Different world. My DF gave me a tenner last year to "buy myself something nice" bless him.

AGHHHH · 03/12/2018 10:58

I don't.

Lost5stone · 03/12/2018 10:58

My mum would give me a £100 or so if I was short (thankfully not needed) and pays for odd lunches/dinners. She wouldn't have the money to give us for a deposit in a house. However she provides a day childcare which is the equivalent of £61 a week so very very helpful . Don't know if Dad has it but I don't think I would accept. Nan offered me £3k towards house but I declined, however she's paid for 3 holiday's in the last 4 years for us.

I would say I am incredibly lucky and I hope that I can afford to help mum and nan out should they need it in old age.

OldBrownShoe · 03/12/2018 10:59

Nope. Not for me. My mum had 3 of us close together then was a single parent so never had anything spare. Even now she’s not in a position to help out financially, nor would I ask/accept if she was.