To think someone will judge her? (Traveller)

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My DH is 'half' traveller (gypsy) his mum was a full gypsy and his dad isn't one at all, so he was brought up as a 'traveller' but luckily he has both worlds so took the good from each and became a really great man ANYWAY, AIBU to think that people will judge our DD if they was to be told her dad is from a gypsy community?

He doesn't have any involvement with that side of his family now or his mum & dad but obvs he has taken a lot away from his upbringing and has certain 'ways' in life. all of our friends know his back ground, they don't judge us because they know him but I'm worried when she starts school next year people will judge our DD I also feel it will be worse for her than for our DS....

There are a lot of sterotypes on mn tonight about what it means to be a Gypsy/Traveller, including from the op. “Some” parent the way you claim, Gypsy and not, to regard everyone the same is ridiculous and predictably prejudice.

I think the OP meant he moved away from his family and their life choices, not the tradition of a traveller.
OP I really do not think your family would be excepted within the travelling community, by raising your daughter this way she will be constantly rejected by her relations as she is a gorger.
Raising your DD to be safe and respect herself is what every parents wants, it is not just traditional traveller way. The traveller girls around Dublin are usually chaperoned, though they dress very sexual. I love some of their outfits, you see all the shoppers jaw drop when they walk through.

It's a very antiquated way of life for her. But nothing will change your mind, so I wish you good luck with it all.

I find this thread confusing.

Actually, I don’t feel the op is emarrassed at all of her dh roots. I think she’s somewhat exotifiying it.

Your kids’ father is half gypsy (is that an ethnic or cultural group?) and although he’s ditched his gypsy part of family you both want to bring your kids up the gypsy way which is strict.

Lots of people are strict.

I don’t get the issue except you’re attributing the strictness to part of your dh heritage.

I’m confused between gypsy and traveller.

So much back peddling op. You barely make sense.

I had a good friend (well acquaintance really - we were on a course together but are friends on FB) who is an Irish traveller.

She's lovely and her family is quite respectable.

However, her daughter's were chaperoned to the cinema until they got engaged. If they were not chaperoned, it was seen/thought among the community that she was tainted. They all got engaged (I think she has 3 daughters at age 17 approx.)

While living within the community, these things have weight, trying to live in a settled community, with a non-traveller mother is going to be tough.

You haven't lived the life, nor can you appreciate the reasoning behind their unusual views on things.

Would your partner be willing to let your dd be brought up in the contemporary environment she lives in?

It's different when you're part of a community, but you are not, nor is your dd.

And I also agree with a previous poster, that they really do dress like they're on a night out, just going to Mass even.

I have nothing against travellers. But knowing them, they are quite different in their mindsets. You'll be like rebels without a cause, without the back-up of a wider community.

I would think hard about this, as it's not choosing one community or another - it's choosing to rear your child under principles that she won't be seeing anywhere.

And to the poster who asked 'traveller' is recognised as an ethnicity in Ireland and thus protected, but I don't know about the UK.

Do you live in a static caravan or mobile home?
Do you live within a traveller community?
Will you take your children it of school to travel for weeks at a time?

If the answer to these is "no", you are not a traveller and therefore using that to excuse your unusually strict parenting views is pointless. If you want to parent like that, fine (although many disagree) but don't make up something about your child being 1/4 traveller and therefore you have ro do these things. Own your decisions

If the answer to any of these is yes then, in answer to your original questions, people probably will judge you and your daughter for choosing that lifestyle.

I'm just not grasping the whole concept here. Your DH was born into a culture on one parents side. He now doesn't subscribe to it himself, but he's wanting his children to follow some traditions of it. Those traits appear to be the restrictive elements of that culture that he then wishes his daughter to follow, but not his son. So effectively you are singling out 1 of your 2 children to assimilate to something that neither yourself nor your DH practice. I wouldn't say you have to worry about your Dd being alienated by the her peers, I think you need to consider the limitations you are actively choosing to impose on her life whilst not actively observing that way of life yourselves.

I think the OP meant he moved away from his family and their life choices, not the tradition of a traveller.

He doesn't travel, has married a non traveller. But isn't it funny how he is suddenly interested in promoting certain aspects of a lifestyle and tradition when it allows him to exert his control over others and particularly over females?

Sounds like an old school sexist looking for a figleaf.

Hmmm, yes definitely sounds a case of do as I say, not do as I do.

I'm confused! So contradictory....

I am a quarter Romany. I know all the “language “ the traditions and I know all about my ancestors and family.

There is a difference between Traveller/ Gypsy/ Pikey and op you appear to be making much more of an issue with it than necessary. There are also variations and cultural differences between those communities.

I don’t really understand. There are bigots in the world: it is life however I really don’t see the purpose of your post.

So your DH has moved away from the community, lives a settled life, had no contact with his family, was made miserable by his own upbringing, but you have decided, arbitrarily, to reproduce some antiquated and sexist set of behavioural codes on your daughter in case she gets pregnant before the age of 16? Will your son also need a chaperone?

There's a few families around here with that heritage and only a couple of generations back. I've never noticed them being judged for it?

So many problems with your posts op.
I find it very alarming how you dress up oppression as ‘standards’.
I feel sorry for your dc

I also suspect op that you’ll come up against lots of judgment because of your attitude not your dh’s heritage. I won’t be surprised when you start shouting discrimination as a response though.

Right I am the adult equivalent of your daughter. My grandparents were travellers.

So firstly, I have never felt judge for being from traveller background. And I find this is a huge issue. Travellers are judged. But it's usually only when their behaviour negatively impacts people. There is a traveller site opposite dps house. They are part of the community, no issues with them. We are friends with them and they are very happy and feel part of the wider community. But then you get groups of travellers that do cause trouble. Cause mess, commit crime, fight in the streets etc. Unfortunately these are the ones making the news, so you don't hear about the many communities that live their lives and just go about their own business.

The travellers that do cause trouble like to bleat about being judged. But won't acknowledge their part in it.

The other problem, is that you want your dd to grow up in a traveller way outside the community. That will cause problems. When she is a teen and can not do things her friends can't. That will cause problems. At high school, you don't get to know the parents of friends well. You can't force her to be friends with cousins so she has family with her all the time. You can't force her and her cousins to always go places together.

You do realise that your daughter is more likely to be sexually abused by someone in your circle of family and friends, than she is by a passer by on the street? If you want to use sexual predators as a reason to restrict her movemtn, get clued up. Knife crime, again, thousands of teenagers go about their business everyday and are not victims of knife crime.

I find it odd that your other half, finds the travelling community so distasteful but wants to apply the standards to his children.

It's very difficult to bring up and child and then teenager, with a foot in both worlds.

I'd listen to @Notacluethisxmas .
I don't give a shit what anyone's background is as long as their behaviour doesn't impact on me. Which can happen whatever the background.

My paternal grandfather was Romanian (as in from Romania, not Roma), therefore I have the same amount of Romanian heritage as your daughter has traveller.

I've never been to Romania - could probably point it out on a map, but only just and after a minute's thought - don't speak Romanian, know nothing of the culture etc.

Very few people know that I am a quarter Romanian, because it's just not something that really comes up in conversation.

Plenty of people in the UK have diverse heritage - unless your husband's seemingly very loose ties to his mother's background are going to have a massive effect on how you raise your children, I'm not even sure why this is a thing for you?

Why shouldn’t you be judged for raising your children to be part of a deeply sexist culture when you have no need to? Why should other parents want their kids to associate with you and learn your husband’s horrible beliefs?

Why do you keep using gypsy and traveller interchangeably when they are two completely different and separate ethnicities with absolutely zero connection to the other?

Think you are being absurd. When I was at school nobody knew anything about other people's grandparents!

.

As a member of a travelling community I would like to share my life story and experience and my complex relationship with the settled community....

Gypsys, tramps, and thieves. We' d hear it from the people of the town,
they' d call us gypsys, tramps, and thieves
But every night all the men would come around and lay their money down.

Gosh I think you should teach your child to be proud of her roots.