To think someone will judge her? (Traveller)

[namechange120]

My DH is 'half' traveller (gypsy) his mum was a full gypsy and his dad isn't one at all, so he was brought up as a 'traveller' but luckily he has both worlds so took the good from each and became a really great man ANYWAY, AIBU to think that people will judge our DD if they was to be told her dad is from a gypsy community?

He doesn't have any involvement with that side of his family now or his mum & dad but obvs he has taken a lot away from his upbringing and has certain 'ways' in life. all of our friends know his back ground, they don't judge us because they know him but I'm worried when she starts school next year people will judge our DD I also feel it will be worse for her than for our DS....

The 'job' needs to be a traineeship or apprenticeship, though, from 16-18, OP

Not saying I agree with it, but those are the rules apparently.

I don't really understand these rules, to be honest. You could drop a girl off in town and pick her up...but if she wants to be deceitful, then she'll do what she wants in the time in between.

@autumcrow this doesnt happen. councils mostly turn a blind eye. after primary they can leave , some councils provide tutors others dont care.

just a slight contradiction to rubyslipper a lot of councils don't turn a blind eye, the children just disappear due to travelling.

It’s really sad you feel this way
Understandable but sad

suppose it depends where your based @boneyback .

If she comes home pregnant at 13 where will she live?

rubyslipper

I agree.

They are usually home educated after primary.
They are taught to keep house, childcare, look after husband (be a good wife etc)
There is nothing illegal about this and it's part of the culture.
My own dd was home ed, for a while, but again nothing to do with me being Romany.
However awful it sounds to us though the women are raised to be like this, it's their culture and usually they are happy with their lot.
We hear about dv in the communities but imo there is no higher level than in the gorger communities.
The women are respected for the role they do have and the men would never dream of getting involved with the women's stuff. The women tend to keep secrets from their husbands and fathers/ fil's.

There are huge variances in how people live though and how much of the gypsy traditions and beliefs a particular family upholds.
Usually the older names/ families are the more traditional as folklore has been passed down for generations.

You don't say what you are -like your culture / heritage doesn't matter?

oblomov

We have attended schools in several areas due to moving. (for work, not as gypsies)

Not one person has ever hinted they suspect my dc to be of gypsy heritage.
Why on earth would they?
I'm confused.

So your dd is 1/4 gypsy and 3/4 non-gypsy and she’s got to obey strict gyspy behaviour codes for girls but your dh doesn’t have anything to do with his gyspy relatives or mum and dad

Just what is the point? Are you in fact a troll? Why on earth are you saying you'll bring up your DC in a traveller's way when they're barely travellers? The ask if people will be funny with you? Are you going to live on a settled site in a static? Make your dd marry at 16 within the community?

@Maelstrop well I guess if my DH wants to be an 'authentic' traveller he should live in a trailer on the side of the road, with a horse pulling it when he wants to move.....

OP I feel really sorry for you, my Husband is also from a Gypsy community, but I am not. We live in a house we bring our DC up with his culture in mind, but it's not really something you can do unless you live in the community to be totally honest, I don't think the gypsy community would accept your family either.... No one has ever judged us for his background and even though he's moved away from this lifestyle he still says he is from that community and is proud of that.

OP

Your DH is a "gorger" (horrible word) and look how he was treated as a 50/50 split, how do you think your DD would be treated by this culture that you and your DH are romanticising?

And what about your DS? Will he be brought up in the same way or will you let him run riot on street corners? Perhaps you should be focusing on teaching him not to have sex at the age of 13 or getting girls pregnant, as strangely enough, girls can't get pregnant by themselves.

hopefully no one will care about her background being traveller, however, I hope that if your dd is raped, that your rule about pregnancy doesn't apply. even if she does want to (as cannot consent), why would your throw her out?

Why are you bringing up your DC in the traveller way if he is distancing himself? that makes no sense at all

@ghostsandghoulies
I hope that if your dd is raped, that your rule about pregnancy doesn't apply.

and by the way, this sentence is basically saying that you would punish a woman for having sex if she had not raped by making her have an unwanted child.

I would assume that most people would say this without actually thinking thats what it means

But you still haven't said why you are raising her like this?

@RomanyRoots - folklore is a huge area of interest/research for me, and I'd love to know more about Romany traditions & culture, which I've rather embarrassingly not thought much about before. Are there any particular websites or books you'd recommend to someone as a good starting point in order to find out more about folk belief?
(apologies for the derail, please feel free to DM me!)

So if your son got a girl pregnant at a young age would you also throw him out? Or is it only if it was your daughter because she is the female?

What is your point? You seem to be ashamed of your dh cultural heritage and wondering about how to deal negativity, how do you know there will be any??

Suggest you get your children a copy of “History of Gypsy Britain” by the magnificent Damian LeBas - they’ll find much to be proud of in there. Maybe not now- but as they get older.

I have many friends in the gypsy/ Roma/ Sinta and traveller communities - some who have hid their heritage- to become police officers, for example (horrible bigotry in the police force)- they none of them were “reconciled” easily with their identity, and many have felt torn most of their adult lives.

Tread carefully, OP.

will do sadeye

I research on and off myself.

Ruby
We can only speak of our own experiences and both my sisters and cousins had arranged marriages. It's a tradition they kept.
As I posted one cousin snatched her child and fled, she is scared to death of her ex finding them.
I don't live in this community myself thank God, but it doesn't mean I'm not kept in the loop.
It's a terrible family and I thank my lucky stars that both Me and my dc didn't have to live that life.
I'm 52 the first of my generation to be born in a hospital, my cousins, nieces and sister range from mid twenties to 42.