To think someone will judge her? (Traveller)

[namechange120]

My DH is 'half' traveller (gypsy) his mum was a full gypsy and his dad isn't one at all, so he was brought up as a 'traveller' but luckily he has both worlds so took the good from each and became a really great man ANYWAY, AIBU to think that people will judge our DD if they was to be told her dad is from a gypsy community?

He doesn't have any involvement with that side of his family now or his mum & dad but obvs he has taken a lot away from his upbringing and has certain 'ways' in life. all of our friends know his back ground, they don't judge us because they know him but I'm worried when she starts school next year people will judge our DD I also feel it will be worse for her than for our DS....

I hope that if your dd is raped, that your rule about pregnancy doesn't apply.

To be fair, I think it's that you don't get fined if you are taking your kids out of school for cultural reasons to travel - not if you are just off to Disneyland!

Are you quite clear what "being brought up like a traveller" will look like for your dd? Im sure their must be a whole range of parenting but round here it seems to equate to v.strict upbringing for girls, lots if preparation for being a wife and mother, leaving school around 14 and early marriage.

We had a traveller family at my school. I didn't know the boy so well as he was older but he used to fight a lot and was eventually expelled (in primary so it must have been pretty bad, who knows whether he fought because he started it or if others were picking on him.)

The girl I knew better and she was horribly bullied. She refused to have anything to do with anyone else from the off though and was pretty aggressive and her Mum would be very aggressive at the school. I felt so sad for her though as she clearly wasn't so well looked after (I hate to say it but she did smell awful and was always in ripped and dirty clothes. There was a bunch of vicious little bastards at my school and it was a red rag to a bull.)

I was only a kid so there maybe things I didn't pick up on but that was my experience 30 odd years ago.

Jesus, so are you agreeing to cut contact with your daughter if she got pregnant at a young age? You would be ok with that?

Just to say, to the poster who said you get leniency for taking time out in term time: you only get authorised absences if you’re travelling, you don’t just get any absences authorised.

I’m intrigued as to the being bought up traveller, but distance from the community too - do you live on a static site? In a house?

I’ve taught traveller children - EYFS/Y1 - and the other children in the class didn’t make any distinction whatsoever, invited them to birthday parties etc., but they never attended. Didn’t effect what the children thought of them, even if the parents had prejudices themselves (we didn’t know if they did). The traveller parents didn’t engage with school though, which I’m guessing you will be?

I hope you allow dd to be taught sex ed.

And what would your feelings be if she were to get pregnant young?
I'm sure not many parents would be jumping for joy, but not getting back into her home is a tad extreme for most folk.

She won't be allowed out on her own when she's young, she will have to go with family same for DS. 16 is adult to him and then she's a 'woman for herself' but she wouldn't get back in the house if she got pregnant young

After reading that I'm judging you for sure.

For yourself, yes you will put white British on forms, but your dc may wish to put their other heritage. You seem a bit confused what they might be ashamed or proud of. There will be predjudice it's everywhere, but like black children or any other marginalised group, the best defence is to be aware and proud of your background, and be a good example of it. Hiding it will produce feelings of insecurity or shameand not give them skills to counter any racist ignorance.

but she wouldn't get back in the house if she got pregnant young

This is terrible

That’s handy AamdC, you can get an Irish passport. 😁

So abandoning your child and giving them no freedom are good parts of traveller culture?
If so I really don't want to think what the bad parts are.

I think you are making a bigger thing out of it than it is.

So abandoning your child and giving them no freedom are good parts of traveller culture?If so I really don't want to think what the bad parts are.

Seriously. I dread to think what the bits are she thinks she'll get flamed for if that's ok.

This thread can only end badly! If you are raising your daughter as a traveller and are happy with that decision then there is no real point asking on here!

look op - many families have to tackle similar issues - bigotry has so many faces. So what can you do - give your dc love & pride in both sides of their family. When they grow up they will choose who they want to be. BUT, always make sure they realize that if there is an issue they can always talk to you - not only for you to go in guns blazing but to help them decide what they want done & how they might decide to tackle it. One thing I refused to do was to fill in the form on my dc behalf about their ethnicity because I felt very strongly that their identity is their choice not mine (mixed race).

Sorry when did I say IIIII would abandon her ?

I think she'll probably be bullied for the way she's being brought up.

Can't belive you'd want to bring a kid up like that tbh.

Are you saying females who are travellers arent well regarded from outside the traveller community or within? Your comments about your dh not wanting to marry a traveller and disowning a pregnant dd suggest its the latter. Surely your dc have a dual heritage and should be brought up as such. Being a traveller without much of a community around you would be extra hard

Sorry, when you said ' she wouldn't get back in the house if she got pregnant young' I assumed you meant throwing her out.

Poor kid clearly is going to have bigger problems in her life than random people occasionally being judgemental

You said you would kick her out if pg, that is abandoning her

Traveller women have it hard, they are usually subjected to domestic abuse. I would have thought Traveller girls were breaking traditions these days. I definitely wouldn't expect a non Traveller to raise her DD with those expectations.
The family who are on my street are really nice, friendly and respectful. I always pity their DD she is 12 hangs about with non Traveller DC, but she can't go anywhere, has a list of cleaning jobs she is almost like a modern cinderella with 5 brothers. It is no wonder they want to get married young to get some freedom.