To be frustrated by DH’s total lack of basic skills

[tryingtosortmylifeout]

I’m going through an unusually busy period at work at the moment which means I’ve had to work all day today (I’m self-employed and work from home). I’ve been working for about 11 hours solid and have just clocked off.

I was planning to cook a nice chilli con carne from scratch for dinner tonight but unfortunately just haven’t had the time. DH can’t cook () so offered to buy a takeaway instead. I found myself wishing my husband could cook me a nice meal rather than order from the (not brilliant) local Chinese, especially as we’ve been having way too many takeaways recently, but fine.

But the next thing is that he’s washed the bed sheets today and has just asked me to put the duvet cover back on the duvet as it’s “something he can’t do”. At this point I got quite fed-up and basically let him know that I’m tired, have been working all day and just want to flop on the sofa thank you very much.

He said putting on the duvet cover is a two person job (despite the fact that I’m perfectly able to sort it single-handed - again, ) and has now been upstairs for 10 minutes trying to sort it himself.

AIBU to be completely fed-up with this or am I just tired? He’s lovely in a lot of ways but his lack of basic skills really does drive me nuts sometimes!

How ridiculous. I'm disabled and can put a king size duvet cover on on my own .

I like doing the cooking that your DH does knittint I hate the working week stuff. I love to do the special meals, not the utilitarian ones all week long. Your DH has the better deal there, also that he's 'seen' doing the cooking, it remind me a bit of the barbecue chef! (The bit that men want to do)

Christ. Before I got married 8 years ago I didn't know how to rewire a plug, plumb in a new sink and taps, repressurise a boiler, or put up a shelf. Ditto my DH with cleaning windows, sorting car insurance, changing nappies, and sewing on buttons. But because we're grown-ups, and those things needed doing, we YouTubed/ figured out how to do them. Life is about learning.

I’m single, of average size and have a kibg size duvet.

For fucks sake he’s being ridiculous. Does he have special needs?
What did he do when he was single? Sleep in filthy sheets and starve? Or did mummy do it for him?

He needs to step up, he sounds infantile and deeply unattractive.

I'm sub five foot. There are children in year 5 taller than me. I manage to sort out a king size duvet by myself regularly.

If I can manage it a fully grown man certainly should be able to.

Yes it's easier with two but most things are.

Ditto cooking. Even my friend who can't boil a pan of pasta can knock up a couple of basic meals.

You are undoubtedly exhausted but he's taking the piss op.

Shriek it is a lot more expensive to make a pizza from scratch than to bung a pre-prepared frozen one in the oven. Ditto the average veggie burger. If you crave meat then bunging a roast in the oven takes seconds and doesn't really count as cooking.

Making a chilli con carne is a plaster and done well with all fresh ingredients and garnishes etc not particularly cheap. It also takes about 3 hours and so is not something that gets knocked up after a day at work in any HH I know.

Is he the youngest child in his family OP? I've heard a lot about them on this site...

It all depends how about.

I don't think that putting a roast on is not cooking at all! Ask those that struggle to cook, where would you get that idea? Pulling together a roast takes great timings because of all the elements involved.

As a rule, many pizzas are cac, truly cac food, and i don't like them. The take out ones are stuffes full of unhealthy salta and over processed product and chemicals. Making a pizza isn't hard and very much more nutritious and appetising than the shit ones you buy.
I have a bread oven, to make the dough after that it's quick and I don't consider that to be particularly 'cooking' throwing toppings on from cupboard ingredients and grating cheese on top.
If I didn't have a bread oven I would probably buy bases, or not have pizza

A chilli to me is a.Saturday night meal after throwing ingredients in at lunch time and leaving it to stew itself, then hearing again in the eve, or during the week just boiling rice. It's not hard, just take time to.cook on its own, not a meal for mid-week, unless batch cooked at the weekend

@AHeartAPenny I have also watched YouTube videos time and time again but still doesn't go in 🤣guess I'm not a visual learner 🤣

Homemade pizza, nutritionally speaking, is just cheese and bread with a salad imho. We actually have an artisan pizza parlour opposite so it has been a while since I made from scratch or bought frozen.

I make a roast almost weekly so to me it is bung it in the oven for 90 minutes and serve. The left overs get served with gravy and mash next day and depending what I have around day 3 is a curry / meat and veg stew type affair. If there is a bone I might get round to boiling it and adding some soup pulses and veg.

You made the point re the chilli yourself. The Op has planned the chilli and had all week to organise her work around it. It isn't really fair to expect her DH to magic it up out of nowhere because she has failed to fit it in. I prefer plain old mince and tatties but again that takes hours and my DC keep insisting I turn it into spag bol.

I actually can cook but I still don't view it as a necessary life skill. I would far prefer that my DC understand you can feed yourself a nutritional diet with very little effort.

He sounds at least benignly incompetent and trying, not the worst qualities. Duvets were the bane of DH’s life (and he prefers sheets and blankets) so I took over that job (I hate hanging washing, and never use pegs, so, he does that). I got fed up of the super king duvet so I got two singles and its a doddle now.

The Op has planned the chilli and had all week to organise her work around it. It isn't really fair to expect her DH to magic it up out of nowhere because she has failed to fit it in

Wtf? It's a chilli. It doesn't need planning or organising work around it. It just needs you to have the ingredients and cook it. 20 mins chopping and frying , then it looks after itself in the oven or on the hob.

Yeah but she didn't ask her DH to make dinner till after she finished her 11 hour day which is why, I think, he reasonably reached for the take away menu.

No-one irons sheets in our house unless someone helps with the folding. This usually takes some time and much hilarity because DD3's teddy insists on playing trampolines and tents.

Bed making on your own is a chore and like a lot of things much easier and more fun with 2 - probably best to avoid involving the puppy though.

A chilli takes 20 mins to make, then just leave on the hob or slow cooker. No different to spag bol from scratch. Both basic meals that I learned to make as a kid. If you can read and follow instructions you can cook.

@tryingtosortmylifeout

i think when you're tired and already overstretched it's natural for the camel's back to break when someone just says no can't and a reason why. It's just not helping is it? Like you said he's lovely in other ways. So, does DH want to learn to cook? I have not much interest in cooking but I can cook the things I really like. Especially if it involves one pan.

I am the slow-sooker ninja!

1. whatever I throw in it's cooked in 4 hours!
2. I have only one pot to wipe out (buy the liners = v little washing up!)
3. the rest involves just top, tail and halve 2 celery sticks, 3 carrots (sod peeling), quarter 2 onions, slosh of water, drained butter beans
4. top with chicken/beef/lamb steaks whatever herbs/currypowder
5. low fat and tasty

Or a oven timeable one dish Hair Bikers Spanish chicken

www.hairybikers.com/recipes/view/spanish-style-chicken-bake

One dish required & one timer! Just practise and confidence
Nowadays i like cooking and you learn to adjust tastes without panicking about burning or hovering over a hob.

Jamie Oliver made £180M on cooking when he wasn't too confident at school or other areas possiblyduvetchanging

I'll let you know when me and my slow cooker get to £180M

stocking fillers for DH

A ring of chorizo, smoked paprika and Sainsbury's Italian dried herbs

it'll change his life

he is a grown up I blame his mother enabling him and you a bit as well as a grown up he should see you have been at work all day thank god you haven't got children let him bang about more and more upstairs you flop on the sofa good for you chicky xxxx

I can make our king size bed alone, doesn't mean I enjoy it and having dh as well to help makes it easier. Likewise he can make the bed, often will help me put the kids need be on so we divide and conquer.

Cooking, well I was never actually taught to cook. My DM did cook, at least when I was younger but never actually taught me. But from age 16 we were expected to cook for ourselves so I just used to get mum's cookbook out and use my wage from my Saturday job for ingredients.

When I moved in with DH he used to cook a lot and was very good. His mum did teach him. When the kids came along and I became a sahm I tended to do the majority. A lot has been teaching myself and trial and error. Now if DH needs to cook he orders pizza, or sticks a frozen pizza in

FFS my 7 year old can put a duvet cover on.

She would probably have a good go at making a spag bol, except she isn't strong enough to work a can opener on the tinned tomatoes

This is how I change duvet covers when needed -

Yes, to googling how to do things I don't currently know how. Following a video, following a list of instructions.

@smurfy2015

Now that's a stocking filler!

I prefer plain old mince and tatties
Maybe you don't value cooking because you don'tr actually like great home cooked food?

nothing wrong with mince and tatties either. That was tonight's dinners what I done in the oven tonight by my very own self!

One pot and timer again and some mash from the freezer a la here's one i made earlier