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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be frustrated by DH’s total lack of basic skills

245 replies

tryingtosortmylifeout · 01/12/2018 22:39

I’m going through an unusually busy period at work at the moment which means I’ve had to work all day today (I’m self-employed and work from home). I’ve been working for about 11 hours solid and have just clocked off.

I was planning to cook a nice chilli con carne from scratch for dinner tonight but unfortunately just haven’t had the time. DH can’t cook (Hmm) so offered to buy a takeaway instead. I found myself wishing my husband could cook me a nice meal rather than order from the (not brilliant) local Chinese, especially as we’ve been having way too many takeaways recently, but fine.

But the next thing is that he’s washed the bed sheets today and has just asked me to put the duvet cover back on the duvet as it’s “something he can’t do”. At this point I got quite fed-up and basically let him know that I’m tired, have been working all day and just want to flop on the sofa thank you very much.

He said putting on the duvet cover is a two person job (despite the fact that I’m perfectly able to sort it single-handed - again, Hmm) and has now been upstairs for 10 minutes trying to sort it himself.

AIBU to be completely fed-up with this or am I just tired? He’s lovely in a lot of ways but his lack of basic skills really does drive me nuts sometimes!

OP posts:
shouldwestayorshouldwego · 01/12/2018 23:01

When he comes down announce that it didn't take him long (even if it took him half an hour) and maybe he is better at doing it than you so should do it every time!

Popc0rn · 01/12/2018 23:03

How old is he? Can he literally not cook anything at all?! Guessing he's managed to learn other practical things, like drive, things he needs to know for his job etc?

I'd be putting your foot down and say he needs to start cooking at least once a week from now on. If he can use Google and YouTube, then he can learn!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 01/12/2018 23:14

That poor poor man.

If you die he will starve to death or have his flesh fester and rot because he can’t meet his basic needs, I trust you have located a carer home help to assist with this if you get run over by a bus one day.

Or errrm perhaps he can he just prefers not to and my concern for him is pointless

Grannyannex · 01/12/2018 23:17

Tell him to google how to make chilli or make the bed. It’s not rocket science. He can read.

delboysskinandblister · 01/12/2018 23:21
Davros · 01/12/2018 23:26

I don't cook but t I do everything else. DH and DD both cook because they like it and they're good at it. I could cobble something together if I had to and we plan ahead so they don't have to cook if they haven't got time or don't want to. I have toyed with learning to cook but decided not to as then I really would be doing everything

Mumshappy · 01/12/2018 23:26

My 8 year old can virtually make my bed. Id stripped it and left the new bedding on top. Came in to find her struggling with the bottom of duvet cover. Bet she could beat him in a race OP. Has he always been like this? Ive an ex like this. Felt like having another child at times. When your a capable woman you dont need a man but its nice to have someone to pick up that slack when your time poor or ill etc

cestlavielife · 01/12/2018 23:30

Op take a look at the "man who has it all" Facebook page. Satirical take.

citychick · 01/12/2018 23:30

OP - I hear you.
My DH definitely suffers from strategic incompetence.
He's hopeless around the house. He'll carry out an order if it's given, but won't likely take it upon himself to do anything domestic.

I do blame his mother, but also his culture ( Irish). Like many other cultures, "mammy" dominated the home. That was her job. And you never argued with her.

However, DH's mammy had a housekeeper and a gardener so all she did was delegate. DH hasn't provided me with a housekeeper or gardener so I'm left to get on with it.
Despite the many protestations, nothing changes.

I do the minimum I am happy with, cook what's required, and when all else fails, we eat out. I work so can afford a cleaner who also irons so I am not a slave to the home.

It's very disappointing and I am now trying to make sure DS doesn't end up like that.

I hate it as much as the next person.
Many men are idle as sin, just waiting for the woman to " do it".
However, most of my close female friends have partners who are extremely competent in the home. And actively join in with running the household.

I can't imagine how fabulous that would be. WineGin

Mumshappy · 01/12/2018 23:33

citychick - the ex i mentioned is Irish and I blame his mother

citychick · 01/12/2018 23:36

This reply has been deleted

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Mumshappy · 01/12/2018 23:40

my ex is back living with mammy now. Hes over 40 and has lived with her most of his life. Our DS is a baby but i wont be raising him to be a mummys boy and will teach him the same life skills as his sisters

Davros · 01/12/2018 23:43

My mum was Irish too. We never lifted a finger in the house but it didn't stop me learning what to do when I grew up. I just didn't learn to cook, she didn't teach us and we didn't learn at school

Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 01/12/2018 23:46

But op, the great news is that now he has done it once, he is an expert. And in the future he will be able to correct you for doing it wrong Smile

Jux · 01/12/2018 23:48

I can't do duvet covers any more! Either dh or dd have to it for me, though last time dh did it, he put the cover on inside out and I didn't have the heart to ask him to put it right, not that it makes any real difference Grin

Jux · 01/12/2018 23:50

So he can now feel good about himself in a way he hasn't been able to before, and he met The Challenge of the Duvet and won!!!! He'll be begging for more challenges in no time...

Shriek · 01/12/2018 23:51

He can't put a duvet cover on. Wtaf!!
15 mins stomping and huffing!!!
Who said Myth ? If he can't manage the duvet cover he can do the pillowslips???!!!!

Well, there s where it comes from.

What woman says this?? What a joke!

How old is he and he can't cook? Grow up man child

SexNotJenga · 01/12/2018 23:54

Who's the bigger fool? The fool, or the fool that married him?

Sorry, OP, not really meaning to get at you specifically, but when will women learn to dump these idiots on the second date?

Coached · 01/12/2018 23:56

As pp said, planned incompetence is annoying.

I’ve stopped paying attention to it now, ignore the huffs and puffs as though they’re not happening and drink a gin 😉

DaphneBroonsHandbag · 01/12/2018 23:57

For goodness sake leave him to it and if he comes down all pleased. with himself roll your eyes at him. It's not hard to put a duvet cover on. As for cooking then I assume he knows how you tube works?

My DH wouldn't dare to use the 'I'm a silly man and didn't get know what to do" card. He's an adult, he can put a duvet cover on and cook a meal, it's not rocket science.

GabsAlot · 02/12/2018 00:02

people sayng it takes him too long easier if i do it myself

thats exactly why he does it that way so u take over and he never has to do it again

TheChickenOfTruth · 02/12/2018 00:03

Lol. I make my husband do the duvet cover. I do the rest of it (stripping the bed, washing and drying the sheets, put the bottom sheet and pillowcases on) but make him to that because he's better able to shake it out - I've had 2 abdominal surgeries in 2 years which took some recovery and I am now pregnant and he doesn't like me to stretch too much, so that's my compromise. Don't mind playing damsel in distress if it means he does the energetic bit for me. Plus he's got longer arms.

Maelstrop · 02/12/2018 00:06

Just like the advert where the bloke takes the piss out of the other bloke managing to put on a duvet cover. I can't do it that way, I shove corners into corners and shake. Any nonsense about being unable to do stuff- YouTube video.

BruegelTheEIder · 02/12/2018 00:07

Obviously he's able to put on a duvet cover. It's just easier to tell you he can't and thus get you to do it. Isn't that just patently obvious?

BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger · 02/12/2018 00:10

My 13yo DS can change a bed and cook a basic meal. It's surely part of being a parent to teach basic life skills?

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