To be frustrated by DH’s total lack of basic skills

[tryingtosortmylifeout]

I’m going through an unusually busy period at work at the moment which means I’ve had to work all day today (I’m self-employed and work from home). I’ve been working for about 11 hours solid and have just clocked off.

I was planning to cook a nice chilli con carne from scratch for dinner tonight but unfortunately just haven’t had the time. DH can’t cook () so offered to buy a takeaway instead. I found myself wishing my husband could cook me a nice meal rather than order from the (not brilliant) local Chinese, especially as we’ve been having way too many takeaways recently, but fine.

But the next thing is that he’s washed the bed sheets today and has just asked me to put the duvet cover back on the duvet as it’s “something he can’t do”. At this point I got quite fed-up and basically let him know that I’m tired, have been working all day and just want to flop on the sofa thank you very much.

He said putting on the duvet cover is a two person job (despite the fact that I’m perfectly able to sort it single-handed - again, ) and has now been upstairs for 10 minutes trying to sort it himself.

AIBU to be completely fed-up with this or am I just tired? He’s lovely in a lot of ways but his lack of basic skills really does drive me nuts sometimes!

Just seen further up the thread a poster lamenting that Irish culture was partly to blame with her DH.
I'm half Irish, as is DH. His Mammy would of been ashamed of he couldn't look after himself / the house ( and she was a lady of very high standards) .
Also my Irish dad is also capible and fully responsible for any household tasks or parenting that needs doing, and he is 79 ( should add, he is onto great-grandchildren now). Honestly just don't put up with it, it's rediculous behaviour from an adult.

I change a duvet cover regularly, but don't find it an easy job. But I am short, so I am guessing that is why. I find a single duvet to change very easy. But you just get on with it.
Cooking can be difficult if you don't have even the basic skills. Most books do assume very basic skills. But there are youtube demos and books for people who don't even know what - boil some water means.

To those who blame the mother, didn’t the father have a role in raising the child? I sometimes think I’m in a time warp. These comments have no place in the 21st century.
IKR.
My dad taught me to cook-he was a good cook of loverly Middle Eastern dishes that I can never seem to replicate the same.
So if a man can't cook I blame the father.

I personally think it is a shame schools no longer teach basic cooking skills. Everyone in my school learned basic cooking and sewing skills, and I think it is important.

OP, why did you not discover this before you married?

I agree with abacucat about basic skills- the National Curriculum and then funding cuts seemed to squeeze out what was then called CDT.

It is not as though I have never attempted to cook or bake.

I did make bread once that was very very heavy bread. I think Jesus had 12 loaves of my bread to feel the 5000. One slice and you didn't need to eat for the rest of the day.

Most people look in fear when I say I cooked something and usually with good reason.

I am that mother from Butterflies

Bread is actually a pretty difficult thing to make, imho anyway! Mine's no nicer than yours sounds and I actually can cook.

Have you ever tried doing a stir fry? I find those very straightforward.

Making bread is quite a skilled job, and it's very unlikely you'd get it right the first time, or even the first few times, but it's a skill that can be learnt. Do you always give up the first time something goes wrong? It's just a question of practice.

A slow cooker is a great tool to have in the kitchen. I'm unable to cook now due to disability, which frustrates me, but I can manage to put ready chopped veg and stock in a slow cooker, and switch it on.

In order to cook, you will need to spend some time in the kitchen, concentrating on what you're doing, but it doesn't need to be a long time, it depends on what you're cooking. You can't leave pasta in water for longer than the time on the packet, because it will continue to soak up the water and will eventually disintegrate, much like a biscuit will if you dunk it in your tea for too long.

There are plenty of simple things you can make. Jacket potato, wash, prick all over with a fork, and bung in the oven for an hour to hour and a half, depending on potato size. You test for doneness by poking a sharp knife in it, and if it goes through easily, it's ready. If there's still a little resistance near the centre, put it back in the oven for another 15 and try again. Serve with grated cheese and baked beans, or tuna mixed with tinned sweetcorn (drained) and mayo, with a bag of salad on the side.

There are loads of recipes out there for simple meals, and there are even ready prepared vegetable packs, so there's really no excuse for an adult that doesn't have disabilities to not be able to cook. It's just an excuse because they don't want to cook.

A fully functioning adult should be able to cook basic meals and change bed linen. Tell him to grow up and get a grip and buy him cooking related presents for every birthday/christmas/anniversary until he gets the message. My DP is a fantastic cook and has never once asked for help changing a duvet cover - neither of these things are man of the year stuff tbh.

For those mentioning Irish Mammy’s, it may be the case for you, but not for all. My PIL are Irish and DH does his fair share. I’m basically responsible for food (planning and shopping lists and 50/50 cooking and dishwasher) and keeping the children alive. He does absolutely everything else at the moment.

I’m on maternity leave, it will be a bit more equal when I go back to work. People say that I’ve trained him well, I say it wasn’t me it was his mother. Both his parents come from large families and EVERYONE pitched in to help.

DH and I always change the bed together because it’s easier, isn’t it?

Very few of us would think that an acceptable response to not knowing how do to a necessary work task would be so say "I can't do it" and refuse to learn how to do it and expect someone else to do it for us forever. But when it comes to household tasks it's perfectly ok? Why?

Because the patriarchy

i've trained him well - is this idea still persisting that women have to train men?

This is out of the ark surely, much like being overly impressed when a man is spotted ironing or mopping the floor cleaning the loo!

Why so impressed with very very basic standards?! Very poor reflection of men and what women still seem to be having to live under, menchildren

If you are really bad at something that's a basic life skill, you try hard until you get better. I've got no sense of direction and dislike driving, but oddly enough I didn't just give up going anywhere or expect that someone else would drive me everywhere!

Very few of us would think that an acceptable response to not knowing how do to a necessary work task would be so say "I can't do it" and refuse to learn how to do it and expect someone else to do it for us forever. But when it comes to household tasks it's perfectly ok? Why?

Cooking "from scratch" is only a "necessary" skill if you choose to make it one. When I was working FT I had a very good work canteen so breakfast was cereal, lunch at work proper meal, and a sandwich for tea. Weekends were for eating out and take-aways. My DH is a far better, more organised cook than me to the extent that he used to make my dinner ready for me coming home before going to work when he was on nightshift and was in the mood. On those days I had 2 cooked from scratch meals, neither made by me.

At that time I was working 11 hour days a lot - like the Op in her original post. I was not really in the mood to cook or eat or wait for someone else to prepare "healthy" meals to my specifications.

I don't like Chilli con carne so it is not in my repertoire. If anyone else makes it for me I will stomach it. If one of my DC wants to make it they know how to google.

It's still a basic life skill, and since none of us can guarantee to be married forever or always be employed somewhere with a good canteen, it's a life skill everyone should learn. Not least because it's good for our dc to see that both parents can do these things.

Mine can do it but I think he really is just plain lazy. It drives me demented.
I cook, from scratch, most nights but it’s funny how the 1 night in the month I’ve had enough & tell him it’s his turn we always seem to go out for dinner.
Unfortunately I enable him - my Ex was very practical so seeing DP struggling to do anything remotely practical makes my blood boil. I’ve usually chopped the fire wood before he’s even heaved himself up from the settee.
He’s very good at keeping my wine topped up but that is probably his limit 😂

My dh is a better (and tidier!) cook than me and he loves cooking. I cook almost all weekdays because I'm home earlier than him, but he cooks often on weekends and holidays and almost always when we have guests. He hates changing the duvet cover but is perfectly capable of doing it.

Duvet takes 2 mins since I switched to this method:

Put cover flat on bed, duvet on floor in front of you.
Grab right corner of duvet
Put it all the way in cover to its far right corner
Then keep hold of that from the outside, keep the whole thing flat
Put left one all the way in to far left corner, then hold that from outside too
Holding both corners shake the whole thing in front of you, let it flop and hang until the duvet drops down
The bottom corners will go near the right places
Put the bottom corners inside their corners then hold from the outside
Shake the duvet from that end.
It literally takes a few minutes and its done.

Yep, that's how I do it. I never understand why it would be more difficult for short people either, regardless of how big your duvet is. You don't need to be as tall as the duvet is!

It is also good for DC to see that the sky won't fall in if no-one cooks from scratch. In this day and age no-one needs to be a martyr to the stove. Working an 11 hour day isn't a free pass to getting someone else to cook your dinner in the way you would have wanted.

Not even sure the Op and her DH actually have DC at home?

Cooking is only a necessary skill if you choose to make it one

Wow!
How many work places have canteens, it is an essential skill unless you choose to eat cold and raw all the time, oh and veggie (unless you eat raw, like sushi, but that assumes, as a lot of what you say does, a level of income to buy everything)

Stop cooking for theblazy git bored cook meals for yourself and let him know you will unless he cooks the next weeks meals! what a lazy arse git!!

Enjoy cooking your own meals for you, how can you have any respect for someone who treats you this way?

I prefer fresh home cooked

We all went out for brunch yesterday, and I ordered a late full english including fried potatoes, they literally tasted and looked like yesterday's jacket potatoes leftovers sliced and fried!! Gross!! Also ordered an extra of fried tomatoes. Not even one whole tomato for £1.25, just stupid.
It's hard to find food similar or better quality than cooking fresh ingredients at home.